


The Happy Tree Interviews

by Refleckshun



Category: Happy Tree Friends
Genre: Angst, Drama, Gen, Horror, Mystery, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2019-01-18 06:15:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 45,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12382554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Refleckshun/pseuds/Refleckshun
Summary: 250 years after it mysteriously vanished - and after 250 years of unsolved disappearances in the area - the city of Happy Tree has returned to reality, shocking the world. National newspaper Acorn Press holds a series of interviews with residents of the enigmatic city. Their story, told through documents, transcripts and prose, has more to it than anyone ever hoped there'd be.





	1. Introduction

Well, I was doing my usual rounds on the property. Making sure the perimeter was safe, all my fences were in order. I had gotten up to the carrot fields by the county line. There's a big hill just past them – the land plunges down and meets the fence, and then beyond that fence is the big forest of Happy Tree County. Now my parents, since I was a little rabbit, had always told me to never cross that fence... and I knew about all those poor people, and I listened to Ma and Pa. That forest, that whole county, was cursed. In fact, I hated going to that corner of the farm, it spooked me, ever since they handed the farm to me – the only reason I was there was to check the fence.

So I did it quick as I could, and then trudged my way back up the hill, out of the shadows of those cursed trees. And then, when I reached the top of the hill, I felt this gust of wind. Like a puff, a tiny warm breeze on my back. And I turned around instinctively, and I saw the city. It looked quite pretty there in the afternoon sun, light all glinting off the glass of the skyscrapers. The city was beautiful.

Only issue was, the city hadn't been there just a few seconds before. Obviously most cities don't just appear out of thin air – well, Happy Tree ain't most cities I guess.

And I suppose I was the first soul to lay eyes on the place in two hundred and fifty years.

_-Eyewitness account of carrot farmer Glen Lapis_  
  


* * *

**  
HAPPY TREE RETURNS**

**VANISHED CITY LINKED TO CENTURIES OF DISAPPEARANCES REAPPEARS**

**GOVERNMENT AND PUBLIC SHOCKED**

_-Front page headline of Acorn Press, Saturday May 16_  
  


* * *

 

Citizens of this country, citizens of the world, members of the press:

As President of the Republic of Acornia, I can confirm that the now-legendary city of Happy Tree – absent from maps, censuses, surveys, and indeed reality, for two and a half centuries – has come back.

Two hundred and fifty years ago, Happy Tree – the entire city and all of its then-residents – disappeared overnight, leaving only the surrounding wilderness of Happy Tree County behind. Our government made Happy Tree County a restricted area immediately thereafter, but it did not stop the disappearances of many thousands of citizens of this country over the intervening centuries. As more and more disappearances came to pass, we attempted many times to decipher the circumstances of Happy Tree's absence, and the associated disappearances, but our investigations came to nothing. For that, we apologise to the relatives, and in some cases the descendants or surviving families, of the missing persons involved. We admit that we could do nothing.

That is, until this past Friday, at precisely 2:24pm local time. The city, having undergone many architectural and industrial changes since its disappearance, re-materialised – with all of its original citizens, and – we believe – every missing person that had vanished in the area in the period up to the present day, alive and accounted for. Yes, every one of them. We will release more information on this development as it comes to light.

Our thoughts turn now to investigations, which are now far more likely to be successful. With Happy Tree returned to us, we will not only solve countless Missing Persons cases, but with luck and due process, we may also be able to solve the mystery of why this city vanished in the first place. We ask that you, the public, bear with us and the press as we investigate the reappearance of Happy Tree and conduct interviews with the citizens involved. Details will be forthcoming; we know as little about this situation as you do.

That concludes this address. We will not be taking questions. Thank you.

_-Presidential Address, Monday May 18_  
  


* * *

  
We would like to remind citizens that  **Happy Tree County remains a restricted zone**. Residents of Happy Tree have advised us that  **the county line is not to be crossed at any point, under any circumstances**. Please wait until investigations have been concluded to attempt entering Happy Tree County.

_-Acornian Government PSA, Monday May 18_  
  


* * *

  
Hey Joe,

Massive news from head office. They've approved the idea I pitched to them... about the Happy Tree Problem. I assume you're familiar with the recent news about the reappearance of Happy Tree. Everyone is. With this national investigation the full truth about that place will be coming out soon, and of course it's up to us to get developments to the public ASAP.

Of course, government PR recognises the need to give a face and emotional connection to large-scale stuff like this... The government knows this, so head office submitted my idea to them, and it's been given the green light.

So, to that effect... you are now going to conduct an interview-driven investigation into Happy Tree. Focusing largely on the everyday citizens and their daily lives, how they've lived. Also the small matter of some of them being over 300 years old. Heh.

We have gained access to a group of citizens of Happy Tree to interview for the investigation. One yellow rabbit came forward during the conferences at the county border, volunteering to be interviewed, as did many other citizens that he said were his friends. They gave no names, though. Just some strange nickname-type things. His name was Cuddles, he said.

However, this "Cuddles" won't be the first to be interviewed. Scheduling conflicts means that the first interviewee will be a pink female chipmunk by the name of "Giggles", at 3:00pm on Thursday. Apparently is in a relationship with "Cuddles", if that adds anything. God, these names. We need to get to the bottom of that. Investigate further, please.

Remember, this is big news, as this is the first time any real information about this city will be published, aside from anecdotal evidence. I'd like to also have you clarify that we have full co-operation of both the national government and the citizens of Happy Tree County. Strangely, no local government reps from Happy Tree seem to exist. Another potential question.

Also, our interview booth has been built – with assistance from both groups – straddling the boundary line separating Happy Tree County with the rest of the country. You will be sitting on the national side, the interviewee will be sitting on the county side. And before you ask – no, I have no idea why this is. All I know is that you should not cross the county line under any circumstances. Maybe that could be the subject of a question too?

Either way, 3pm, Thursday. Put it in your planner, and prepare some questions... and if all goes well, we might be able to continue the interviews with the other citizens.

Make me proud Joe. You're a talented bear. This is our biggest story yet, and it is in your hands.

Regards,

Tim Kernelstein  
Acorn Press Management

_-Internal memo at Acorn Press headquarters, Tuesday May 19_  
  


* * *

 

**THE**

**HAPPY TREE**

**INTERVIEWS**


	2. Giggles

_The following is a transcript of an interview conducted on audio and video between Joe Grizzle of Acorn Press, and "Giggles", a citizen of Happy Tree, on Thursday May 21 for Acorn Press' publication "The Happy Tree Interviews". Important visual and audio events are noted where appropriate._   
  


* * *

**  
[RECORDING START]**

**ACORN PRESS:**  -urposes. All right, are we recording? Good. Okay – So, let's get started... Formalities first. For the purposes of this recording, once again, my name is Joe Grizzle. I am a reporter, writer and interviewer for national newspaper Acorn Press. My recordist, Mal Roebuck, is also present, in the observation booth. We state once again that we have the full co-operation of the government of Acornia in this investigation, the time is currently five past three in the afternoon, Thursday May twenty-first... I'm in the interview booth with the first interviewee, and as you can probably see there's a thick black line running across this table and booth separating us. Not sure why – I, uh, think that covers everything.

So, with that out of the way, what's your name, young lady?

**GIGGLES:**  Uh, my name is Giggles.

**AP:**  Is that a nickname?

**G:**  Uh... um... I'm not sure. I mean, it  _was_ my nickname before I came here. I'm pretty sure I had a name – a real one – at some point... Everyone did. But you forget it after you've been in Happy Tree for a few days.

**AP:** Uh, heh. I... I see. Uh... what else can you tell us about yourself... Giggles?

**G:**  I'm fifteen years old... or, at least, that's how old I was when I came here. That was about nine years ago.

**AP:** Well, um... you don't look over fifteen. Was Happy Tree frozen in time or something?

**G:**...N-not really. Uh...

**AP:**...Right. Uh, next question. How did you find yourself in Happy Tree – especially seeing as there was no Happy Tree to get to?

**G:** Well, it started like this... I had a normal childhood, I guess. It felt normal, it didn't feel like anything was wrong. But Mom took me home from school that day, nine years ago... and all of our stuff was out the front of the house. Apparently Dad had found himself a new girlfriend and we weren't welcome there anymore. I stayed in the car while Mom went inside... I heard arguing. Lots of arguing. And then she came out and just told me to help load our stuff into the car. So I did... and then we drove off looking for a motel. Mom hadn't taken it well-

**AP:** Understandably.

**G:** -Mmm. Her mind wasn't where it needed to be, and we got lost... We ended up here. We knew about the disappearances and all that, so when we found that we were in Happy Tree... it was very scary. At first. But after we found that we couldn't get out... I guess that was it.

**AP:** That was it? So, you didn't try to escape Happy Tree?

**G:** Oh, we did try. Everybody does at least once. Mom loaded up the car and left the motel as soon as we were told that we couldn't leave the county. But, once we got to the county line –  _[The interviewee gestures towards the thick black line stretching across the table and room]_  – uh, this happened... hold on a sec...

_[The interviewee produces a coin and slides it over the table and county line. Almost instantly, the coin is shot back across the county line at a great rate of speed. The interviewee catches the coin.]_

**G:** Imagine that happening to a fully-loaded car travelling at fifty miles per hour.

**AP:**...Do that again.

_[The interviewee repeats her previous action. The same result happens.]_

**AP:** Christ. This is why. This is why we can't cross the county line.

**G:** It also shows that we still can't leave, even though we're connected to you and the outside world again.

**AP:** I don't... I didn't expect this. Sorry, uh... were you hurt at all?

**G:** Mom got some bad bruises, but she was okay other than that. I broke my ankle. Luckily help wasn't far away... we got taken back to the hospital in the city, and there we met some people that dressed like they do in those historical movies. They said they'd been in Happy Tree a long, long time... they wouldn't stop telling us how sorry they were that we had to end up in Happy Tree, that they'd try their best to make our lives here as comfortable as they could, give us a house...

**AP:**...Oh. That's right. I remember there being reports of the original residents of the city still being around. What were they like?

**G:** They're really nice people. A bit too nice, actually... whenever they talk to us, and the others who are newer to Happy Tree, they always sound overly apologetic, you know? Like they're trying to make up for something.

**AP:** Mmm, I can definitely see why they'd be like that. People being condemned to live forever in this world between dimensions, not being able to die...

**G:**  Oh, we die. We definitely die.

**AP:**  I- sorry? What?

**G:**  Sorry... I should have told you at the start, but I was trying to work out how to say it. I guess it doesn't matter now... yeah. We die, all the time.

**AP:**  Wha- of natural causes, or... how?

**G:**  Not really. Mostly stuff outside our control... think of any way someone can die and it's happened to somebody in Happy Tree. More than once, probably. I'm actually lucky I didn't die on the way here.

**AP:**  So, wait. How are you– how are you here, now? Do you... regenerate, or something?

**G:** Yeah. That hospital in the middle of the city. That's where we all end up when we die, in a separate ward, usually the morning after. We wake up, check ourselves out and make our way back home. Then... we try our best to live a normal life until we get killed again, and we're back to where we started.

**AP:** So, it's like a... like a reset button, or something?

**G:** Yeah... I guess you could call it that. That's why I'm sorta still fifteen – and the first citizens are still around. It's not because aging stops, it's more like we don't really get a chance to grow older because we're constantly being reset.

**AP:** Okay. So, if this is true-

**G:**  It is.  _[The interviewee smiles and giggles.]_

**AP:**...If this is all true, then you must have died a multitude of times, right?

**G:**  Yep. It's never pleasant. I think the longest I've gone without dying was... four months. Sometimes I survive a few weeks at a time, sometimes there'll be a week or so where I die every single day. It depends... on what exactly, I don't know. I think the all-time record is eleven months without dying.

**AP:**  I see, that's all very interesting information actually. What I was getting at, though, was... there must have been a first time you experienced death. What was it like?

_[The interviewee's smile disappears, and she becomes noticeably uncomfortable.]_

**AP:**  We, uh, we don't have to do this if you're not comfortable with it, I mean, if you want-

**G:** No, no, it's okay. I just need a moment to pull my thoughts together...

_[There is 7 seconds of silence.]_

**G:**  My first death... it was eye-opening for me and Mom. It was a few days after we had found our own place in Happy Tree and moved in. My ankle was still broken from the car crash. Either way... with that, plus the first residents saying what they were saying – you know, that they were sorry for us, and all that – Mom was very antsy. Like, really weirded out, she didn't want to let me out of the house until, uh... "Until I've sorted out what the deal is with this town," she said.

But, somehow, I convinced Mom to let me go out on a walk with my crutches. I went down to the dam. I liked it down there, it was nice and quiet... let me be alone with my own thoughts. But the dam collapsed... A huge wave appeared. I thought I was finished – then Splendid picked me up and carried me away.

**AP:** Splendid?

**G:**  Uh, local superhero.

**AP:**  A superhero as well? Goodness me, so much to cover...

**G:**  Yeah. But I soon found out that he wasn't so super. He's caused far more problems than he's solved over the years. But at the time I felt safe, I was alive... then the last thing I saw was a tree branch before everything went black. The next thing I remember was darkness and a lot of pain... outside and inside... then I woke up in the hospital the next morning. They told me I was clear to go home... I thought I had just been badly injured, so I didn't question it, and I went home. I guess I'd forgotten about my leg, and didn't notice that it was completely fixed.

Well, when I got to our house, I had no idea what to do or say – and neither did Mom when she saw me.  
  


* * *

_  
Giggles rang the doorbell._

_Her mother opened the door. The lines of streaked, matted fur running down her cheeks, and eyes wide, haggard and glazed over, told Giggles that she had been crying – and had seen horror. Her mother looked straight ahead, out across the street, and when she saw no-one at her height, she slowly looked down to see her formerly dead and headless daughter looking up at her, nary a scratch to be seen._

_They locked eyes for what seemed like forever; Giggles' eyes expectant, but confused and worried; her mother's distant and shocked, trying to process what she had found at her doorstep._

_Silence wrapped them in its cold embrace, the two of them oblivious to the chirping of faraway birds and the rumble of distant cars._

" _No," her mother finally croaked, shaking her head slowly. She turned away and slowly walked back into the house, leaving the door open in her confusion. "No, no, no, no, no nononono..."_

_Giggles stood staring at her mother as she walked further into the house. "...Mom?"_

_The chipmunk ran inside. "Mom! It's me! I'm okay... Mom?!"_

_She skidded past the living room doorway, and immediately stepped back and looked into the room. She saw her mother sitting on the couch, her head in her hands, shaking all over. Beside her was a crumpled blanket and a tear-stained pillow. It appeared that her mother had slept there the night before. On the carpet in front of the couch lay an empty coffee cup, a stain beneath it indicating a spillage, and in the middle of the room another carpet stain was seen – but this one was red. Blood._

" _Mom..." Giggles whispered as she stepped over to her mother._

_The older chipmunk slowly lifted her head and stared at the seemingly lifelike apparition that had entered her new home._

" _Honey... Is it... Is..." she stuttered quietly, "Is it r-really you?"_

_She reached out both of her hands and softly touched her daughter's face, running her fingers behind Giggles' ears and along the folds of the intact bow on her head. Eventually, she pulled her daughter into a tight embrace._

" _It_ is  _you." The hug lasted a while before the two broke their embrace, Giggles' mother looking once again into the young chipmunk's eyes. "But... how?"_

_Giggles blinked. "What do you mean?"_

_Giggles' mother herself blinked in response. "You died."_

_The little chipmunk once again stared, her mouth hanging open._

_Her mother continued. "That damned squirrel... I heard about the dam collapse as soon as it happened. I thought I had lost you. I was petrified. Then he came to my door and said he had saved you. I took you from him and he flew away... it wasn't until I felt the blood on my face that I realised what had happened. Your head had fallen off... except it wasn't your head. It was an acorn with a face drawn on it." She snorted derisively. "I was so happy to have you back that I didn't notice. Stupid."_

_She shifted over on the couch, allowing Giggles to sit next to her as she continued talking. "I took your body into this room and cried for the rest of the day. I didn't know what to do, I was so distraught. It was the middle of the night when I finally stopped crying... two in the morning I think... wanted a coffee to calm myself down. I got myself one, and as I came back in here I realised that your body was gone. Just the bloodstain on the carpet was left," she said, pointing out said bloodstain. "So I sat here with my coffee... wondered what the hell was happening for who knows how long..." - She turned to Giggles - "...And then I saw you."_

_Giggles swallowed before speaking. "You saw me?"_

_Her mother stared at her sadly, then painfully closed her eyes and turned away. "I saw you. I saw more of you than I ever thought I'd see... and more than I ever want to see again."_   
  


* * *

_  
[The interviewee shifts in her seat. Her head is lowered.]_

**ACORN PRESS:** If, uh, if you don't mind me asking – what did your mother see?

_[The interviewee looks up.]_

**GIGGLES:**  Well, uh – she said she saw me... but it wasn't all of me.

**AP:**  Really? How do you mean?

**G:**  She... she saw...  _[The interviewee gulps.]_ …my veins. My blood vessels. My nerves. My organs. My windpipe, my tongue attached to it all... My brain... my eyes... and nothing else. And I was screaming. She- she told me it was this "otherworldly scream". It wasn't the kind of scream you were supposed to hear. I... what was  _there_  of me anyway... was only there for a moment. Maybe four seconds at the most, Mom said. And then I was gone.

_[There is roughly 6 seconds of silence.]_

**AP:**  Just... blinked in and out of existence, just like that?

**G:**  Yeah. I said I didn't remember much of what happened to me while I was dead... well, after hearing that, I decided I didn't  _want_  to remember.

_[There is roughly 20 seconds of silence.]_

**AP:**  Um... so... did that ever happen again?

**G:** No. Not to me anyway. After my Mom had her first death – another car crash, it got her that time – we were told about reports of a tall chipmunk's skeleton being sighted at the crash site... hours after the scene had been cleaned up. And from what I know, skeletons don't usually stand up. _[The interviewee shudders.]_ Again, just for a few seconds, and then it was gone. I'm glad I wasn't there to see it. And of course, Mom was back the next day. Perfectly fine... and every death since, it's never happened again.

**AP:** So, you're saying that this... event... only happens the first time somebody dies?

**G:**  Yeah. That's what we think, anyway. Once I started making friends around town, I asked them about it. We still talk about it now and then. Most of us have a story of seeing a leg, intestines, maybe a jawbone, floating in the air for a few seconds and then vanishing. But we don't know exactly why it happens. Maybe it's something trying to figure out how somebody's put together before bringing them back for the first time. We just don't know.

**AP:**  I... I see.

_[There is roughly 5 seconds of silence.]_

**AP:** So, uh, we should probably change the subject. Er... you mentioned friends. How is life in Happy Tree? Aside from – well. Is it normal?

_[The interviewee noticeably perks up at this statement. Probably relieved that the discussion has ended.]_

**G:** Uh, yeah. As normal as we can get it anyway. I used to play with toys and have tea parties with my friend Petunia... but we don't do that anymore. I don't know why we did that. Maybe it was our way of trying to escape our situation, to try and go back to being kids. After we left school, we stopped.

We do more grown-up things now, like poker nights, meeting up for coffee... I mean, we can drive cars, we can own property, we can do almost anything we want in this town... We also work now. So we might as well act the age that we could have been.

**AP:** Work... that reminds me. When we were arranging these interviews, we noticed that there were no representatives of any kind of local government contacting us, it was just the citizens. Can you... elaborate on that, at all?

**G:** Um... I don't know, but I'll try. Uh – Happy Tree doesn't really have a mayor. We all work together to run the city. Well... most of us, anyway. People who know how to do certain jobs will do those jobs, and there are others, like me and Petunia, who work on... like... a rotation of odd jobs. You know, fry-cook for a few months, nurse for another few months, girl scouts – we even tried running a lemonade stand once, but... that didn't work out...

**AP:** And this ties in to another question I have. It says here on the profile I've been given on you that you live alone. So I assume you don't live with your mother any more, correct?

**G:**  Yeah, that's right. I got my own place a few years ago, once we realised that I'd have been old enough to move out by then. Cuddles has been talking about moving in with me, too. I know we might be really young to be doing that by the outside's standards, but we've been together a really long time now... and the body doesn't get a chance to mature here, but...  _[The interviewee taps the side of her head.]_  ...the mind does. If I was still on the outside, I'd be in my 20s now. Old enough to go to college, old enough to maybe start a family, watch Mom become a nice old granny to my kids... Heh... getting reset... that's one of the few good things about this town according to Mom, is that she'll never get wrinkles! _[Laughs]_

**AP:** _[Laughs]_  So you still keep in touch with your mother?

**G:**  Oh yeah, me and Mom still keep in touch all the time. Actually, I'm meeting her for dinner tonight. I'm finally going to introduce her to Lammy, the new girl... it should be fun! Though we've already had to postpone it twice because one of us would die on the way to the restaurant. Luck just hasn't been on our side lately.

**AP:**  Hmmm.

**G:**   _[Gasps]_  Oh! Speaking of which, what's the time?

**AP:**  Uh... three thirty, actually. Time for the interview to end. Well, thank you Giggles, that was very, uh, informative. A lot of that may be going in the report, that is, if it's okay with you...

**G:**  Of course! Put in as much as you like. Uh... thank  _you_  for doing this whole... exclusive report thing. The world needs to know about us and what we've been through. Maybe once all the news is out there'll be more people trying to figure out how to save us from this.

**AP:**  I hope so. Enjoy your dinner with your mother tonight, and – uh – stay safe. Or at least try to.

**G:**   _[Laughs]_  I'll try. By-eeee!

_[The interviewee leaves the Happy Tree side of the booth.]_

_[The door closes.]_

**AP:**   _[Sighs]_  Oh, God. Mal, this goes deeper than I thought it would. The Happy Tree Problem was already enough of a big story, but this – I don't think anyone anticipated this. Jesus, there's a lot more to this than I thought. Call Tim, tell him we need more interviews, I want to get this one transcribed and published ASAP, unedited, I... Dammit. I can't think with that recording equipment still running. Could you turn it off, please...

_[There is roughly 5 seconds of silence.]_

**AP:**  Mal? You look like you've seen a ghost. Turn the recording equipment off, please-

**[RECORDING END]**   
  


* * *

  
Dear diary,

Today was an interesting day. I did the interview – it went well! Joe was really nice and I got a lot of stuff off my chest. I hope his investigation works out... I really believe in what he's doing now. It IS going to help us... Cuddles was right. I called him as soon as I got home and said that the others should do interviews as well. I could hear the smile in his voice as he told me how important it was that we were doing this. I know that he's always so happy-go-lucky, but he hides this deep need to get out of this city... and this life that we're stuck in. And I know that he wants that for the rest of us too.

He said Handy was free Sunday, so he might be next to be interviewed.

Lammy said she might try and do one as well over dinner tonight. Which, by the way, went great as well. Mom loves her, they get on so well. And thankfully that weird pickle was nowhere in sight. At least, not around us – I thought I caught a glimpse of a pickle on a plate being served to Toothy across the dining hall... and pretty soon the poor guy was being stretchered out by paramedics with something lodged in his throat. Other than that, it was great catching up with Mom and Lammy – at least, until Mom got hit by a truck on the way to her car. That was a downer ending to a really fun night.

Anyway, it's getting late. Better get to bed. I'll see you tomorrow... there are going to be more meetings at the county line in the morning, and Cuddles thinks we should all be there – if anything to hear more about the outside and what they're planning to do to help us.

_-Extract from the diary of "Giggles", dated May 21_   
  


* * *

  
Joe,

I read the transcript. I need to see the video footage. See me in my office ASAP, I'm staying late. I'm racking my brain thinking about how we're going to explain this to head office.

Tim

_-Internal memo at Acorn Press headquarters, Thursday May 21_


	3. Handy

**4 DEAD AT HAPPY TREE BORDER**

We go now to breaking news. An impromptu meeting tonight between citizens and officials of Acornia, and citizens of Happy Tree county, has ended in tragedy. Talks were ongoing at the county border between the parties, and experiments were about to be performed to see if the border could be crossed using remotely-operated vehicles, when a nearby tall tree fell unexpectedly over the road, crushing four Happy Tree residents to death.

Attempts were made to resuscitate those trapped under the tree by others on the Happy Tree side of the border, but they were unsuccessful.

 _-Transcript of an excerpt from broadcast of CTN-5 Grapeseed Late Night News, evening of Thursday May 21_  


* * *

**  
HAPPY TREE: CITY OF DEATH?**

**Acorn Press Interview Alleges Shocking Details of Life in Vanished City**

FRIDAY, MAY 22 – Details have emerged of an interview that took place yesterday between Acorn Press and a citizen of Happy Tree that contain some hefty assertions about life in the recently-returned city.

The citizen, a young chipmunk who only went by the name of "Giggles", allegedly claimed that violent and painful death is an almost daily occurrence in Happy Tree – and that citizens are resurrected after dying.

[...]

The claims of "Giggles" have been met with skepticism from many of our inside sources in Acorn Press and the government of Acornia. Some of our sources have even taken to calling the interview "An attention-seeking ploy by Acorn Press to try and save their obsolete print medium – an attempt to take advantage of an abnormal situation and artificially inject even more sensationalism into what is already a shocking enough event."

There have been reports, however, that more Happy Tree interviews are scheduled for later dates as time goes on; details will be forthcoming about whether the sensational claims in the first interview will be corroborated with stories from other citizens. The release of video footage of the interview with "Giggles" is also pending.

**JOIN THE CONVERSATION: Like Pine Tree Daily on Leafbook and follow us on LoudSpeaker [ PineTreeDaily] to give your opinions on these recent developments.**

_-Extracts from the front page of tabloid news website Pine Tree Daily, May 22 edition  
_

 

* * *

  
Joe,

It looks like someone at Pine Tree is quick to pick up on us. That headline ran just under an hour after we sent out the papers to the news agents. And the "sources"? God dammit, someone has a real chip on their shoulder about us. We're not interested in blowing the story up with fake information. This whole thing requires enough suspension of disbelief as it is! And of course they had to slip in a jab at us not going web-only like everybody else. Pricks.

Sorry Joe, you'll have to see me in my office again. We'll fast track the release of the video footage and work on a schedule for more interviews. There is another interviewee that is free this weekend as well. We need to find a way to show the world that we're not making this shit up.

Regards,

Tim Kernelstein

Acorn Press Management

 _-Internal memo at Acorn Press headquarters, morning of Friday May 22_  


* * *

  
It was a solemn scene... from our side of the border, anyway. The Happy Tree people came along all bright and happy, some biking, some walking... most of them coming in cars. All chatting and laughing like nothing had happened. And there we were, citizens, officials, and the press... standing still, heads down in memoriam for the victims of the incident the night before.

When the talks resumed, the first thing our rep said was that we were so sorry for Happy Tree's loss, and that their memory would be the driving force behind our efforts to free Happy Tree, yadda yadda, the usual commiseration stuff. As he was saying all that, the reaction from the other side was something we didn't really expect... confusion. Raising and furrowing of brows, glancing at each other wondering what the fuss was about.

Then we heard a voice, saying something like "It's okay, these things happen, we can just pick up where we left off." And the crowd parted to reveal the source of the voice... and it was one of the people who were killed. A ferret. And then, the three others who were killed stepped forward. All of them alive, breathing, and unharmed.

You could feel the silence as everyone on our side just stood there trying to make sense of it. Next thing I know, there's this wall of sound as all the reporters come rushing forward, asking a billion questions at once.

 _-Eyewitness account of local resident Ken Spinewood, May 22_  


* * *

  
Joe,

Well... it looks like the citizens of Happy Tree have just done our hard work for us.

Tim

 _-Internal memo at Acorn Press headquarters, afternoon of May 22_  


* * *

  
The following is a transcript of an interview conducted on audio and video between Joe Grizzle of Acorn Press, and "Handy", a citizen of Happy Tree, on Sunday May 24 for Acorn Press' publication "The Happy Tree Interviews". Important visual and audio events are noted where appropriate.  


* * *

**  
[RECORDING START]**

**ACORN PRESS:** -tarting the recording now. Okay, formalities. I'm Joe Grizzle, for Acorn Press... observing is my recordist Mal Roebuck... local time is eleven thirty a.m. and we state that these interviews are once again being done in co-operation with the government of Acornia. I am on the national side of the interview booth, and our interviewee for today is sitting on the Happy Tree County side. That's everything.

So... our interviewee is an interesting one – a double amputee beaver who appears to be a builder or tradesman. What's your name?

 **HANDY:** Name's Handy.  _[Pause]_ I know, I know. The irony isn't lost on you. I had the nickname before I lost my hands though. I was actually quite the handyman, or so my workmates told me. Now that nickname is... some kind of cruel joke. Whatever my real name was, I've forgotten it.

 **AP:** Just like the last one... Uh, what else can you tell me about yourself, Handy?

 **H:** Well... I was seventeen when I came here, about eleven... maybe twelve years ago. So, I guess I'm still seventeen. Maybe. I dunno. Uh, I'm an orphan – or at least, I was given up for adoption... All I remember as a kid was getting put into foster homes and boarding at schools. And, uh, when I turned fifteen, I was encouraged to take up a trade. So I stopped going to "proper" school, and I started working as an apprentice at a few different firms. Plumbing... electrician... construction... I learnt a lot. And I made a few good friends. Of course... I don't know what's happened to many of them now. It was a good life... key word there being,  _was._

 **AP:** I see. So, how did you end up in Happy Tree?

 **H:** Not by choice, though I guess that's a given. Basically, I was hitching a ride in the big truck with one of the guys who was training me. We were travelling long-distance for this big job. It was the middle of the night, we were carrying sheet metal, and the fastest route to where we needed to go passed close to the Happy Tree restricted zone. Me and the guy were talking about how weird it was that a restricted zone had almost nobody guarding it. S'pose Happy Tree is so big a county that it's impossible to police every foot of the border.

Anyway... something happened. I don't know what. Pothole, wet patch on the road, wildlife running in front of us... whatever it was, the truck went out of control and rolled. I put my hands out on the dashboard to brace myself. When I came to there was fire everywhere. The doors were missing, there was sheet metal everywhere, but we had come to a stop upright. The guy I was riding with had taken the brunt of it all, he was mangled beyond anything I'd ever seen... hardly looked like a marmot anymore. I was fine... at least as far as I knew.

And when I tried undoing my seat belt, I noticed that... my hands were missing. Just bloody stumps there. And they were bleeding massively. I guess while we were rolling, a sheet of metal entered the cabin and swept across the front of us, taking my hands off.

So I wormed my way out from under the seat belt, and I started running. I didn't think about what direction... it was dark, I was disoriented, and I was losing blood. I just ran to find help. And I guess at some point while I was running blindly, I crossed the county line. I found a small village with a local hospital... and they patched me up and told me that this was my home now.

 **AP:** Oh. That must have been quite a shock...

 **H:** Yeah, I guess it should have been... but it didn't really sink in until I died for the first time. A wall fell on me – uh, do you know about the whole "death and regeneration" thing?

 **AP:** Uh, yes. Still trying to comprehend it, but yes.

 **H:** Mmm. Well, when you die, you get restored to the way you were when you entered the county. Not the way you were  _originally_ , but the way you were at the exact moment you crossed the county line. And I found that out the hard way – I entered Happy Tree with my hands missing and about a third of my blood gone. So, not only did I not get my hands back... but every time I wake up after being reset, I need to get a blood transfusion. It sucks.

 **AP:**...That's terrible. How... how did you cope with these new circumstances of yours?

 **H:** I had this... I guess you could call it depression. Losing my old friends, my life on the outside, my hands. I fell into one hell of a funk. I couldn't feel anything at all. I tried filling my time with work – or attempting to work, mostly – but the pain when I got killed was the only real... feeling... I really had. But I never chased that feeling, like, I never wanted the pain. I just trudged on and existed day to day. Death to death. So, I don't know what was going on with me at that time.

I went through this whole nihilistic phase, you know, life is pain, all that bullshit. Wait, is that nihilism? Eh, screw it, you know what I mean. But... yeah, I'm not like that now.

 **AP:** What changed? ...I mean, if anything?

 **H:** Uh...  _[The interviewee smiles.]_ I found a girl. Or rather, she found me.

 **AP:** Oh. Yes?

 **H:** _[_ _Laughs]_ Ha... you... you really wanna know all the... sappy details? I'm... not too good at... telling love stories-

 **AP:** Oh, um, I mean, uh – the goal is to gain insight into the personal lives of Happy Tree's residents. I figured, what with everything that we've found about the town, it'd be good to find out how you've overcome your situation. That is to say, if you're not comfortable talking about it, we don't have to-

 **H:** Nah, nah, it's fine! I'm okay with talking about it... just, uh, don't expect a romantic masterpiece of storytelling or anything.

 **AP:** That's perfectly fine. Just say whatever comes to mind.

 **H:** Well, uh – her name's Petunia. Blue skunk. Real pretty. Uh... we met at a crosswalk. She had lost her hands too. We started talking... and before I knew it we were doing way more than talking. We were doing everything together. And the more time I spent with her the more I... fell in love, I guess. She was so nice... caring... she was always smiling and laughing. That inspired me, I guess. Showed me that there were actually still things to get happy and excited about in this city. And I started to feel like we made each other more complete, or something like that.

Well... Things were going great for a few weeks. Neither of us had died since we met each other... and then we decided to go bowling. Heh. She was having trouble with the ball, so I decided to show her how to become the ball. Smart-ass me just hurled myself down the alley and got a strike. She did the same thing. We laughed, we were having such a great time... and then the... mechanism that holds the pins came down and chopped us up. We got fucking minced.

Well, I woke back up in a hospital bed, safe and all that. I felt happy to still be alive. And then I heard her voice coming from... behind me. Turns out Lumpy was the surgeon on duty...  _[The interviewee shudders]_...And he'd sewn us together, into the same body.

 **AP:**...Oh. Oh, God.

 **H:** Yeah. Wasn't all that pleasant, just so you know. And then, some bird came along, unravelled our stitches... we fell apart and that was that. But... when we regenerated the next day, I found out something else.  


* * *

  
" _Ah, Handy. Welcome back."_

" _Hrmmm...?"_

_Handy opened his eyes wider and groggily rolled his head to look at the squirrel doctor attending to him. "Ah... hey, Doc."_

" _You seem to have regenerated just fine," the doctor said, filling out a form on a clipboard. "I took the liberty of doing the physical and transfusion while you were sleeping. Aside from the, uh... the usual," he continued, gesturing towards Handy's nubs, "The rest of you is in tip-top condition and you should be good to clear yourself out when you're ready."_

" _Nice... thanks," Handy slurred as the doctor left the room. The beaver took a few minutes to gather his thoughts and soon removed himself from the hospital bed, making his way to the lobby._

_Stepping out of the lift, Handy walked over to the desk that held the release forms. People would fill out their details and hand the forms in to reception to check themselves out of the hospital – at least, until the next time they died._

_Dragging a form in front of him with his nubs, Handy awkwardly took a pen in his mouth and shakily wrote out his name, address and manner of death. He still hadn't gotten used to writing with his mouth. Unfortunately, he had no choice in the matter, and pretended not to notice the passing looks strangers were giving him._

_After three long minutes of slowly writing out barely-legible words, he finally spat the pen out and gathered the paper between his bandaged stumps, ambling over to the reception desk and pushing the form across to the receptionist. Ignoring the muttering of thanks from the rabbit behind the counter, he began to turn around to leave. However, he was stopped in his tracks by a familiar face handing her own form in._

" _Petunia!"_

_Petunia looked up and laid eyes on him. "Handy!" She immediately went in for a hug, and took Handy's stumps in her hands as she continued. "You're okay- oh, well... of course you're okay. Hee-hee!"_

_Handy laughed with her. "Yeah, feelin' pretty good all things considered. And you, you look great too, you've..."_

_Handy's eyes drifted down to see the ends of his stumps resting in Petunia's hands. His smile faded._

" _You've... you've got hands."_

_Petunia's smile also dropped from her face as she too looked down. Her immediate reaction was to gasp and let go of Handy's stumps._

" _Oh!" She brought her hands up to her mouth. "U-uhh..." The skunk began flapping her hands around and looking from one to the other frantically as she tried to form words. She began clenching her fists."I... I..."_

_She realised, as Handy stared at her with a disheartened expression, that every action she was performing with her hands was only making the situation worse._

" _...Oh, I'm so sorry, Handy! I- I never told you!"_

" _No, no..." Handy said quietly, closing his eyes and hanging his head. He began to turn towards the lobby exit. "...I'll just-"_

" _No!, No, wait!" Petunia exclaimed, putting a hand on Handy's shoulder. The beaver stopped, turned his head, and looked down at Petunia's hand._

_Once again realising what she was doing, Petunia recoiled, and stared at her open palm. With her mouth open, she looked back up at Handy again. "Uh... L-l-let'sgogetcoffee!" She blurted out, and grabbed Handy's arm as she started running outside. Handy gave out a yelp as he was dragged out of the lobby, almost losing his hard hat. The couple left behind a lot of confused, staring bystanders._

_Twenty or so minutes later, the skunk and the beaver were sitting in awkward silence at a cafe's outside table, with two cups of coffee, the sound of cars speeding by on the road, and the clatter of surrounding cutlery to keep them company._

_Petunia avoided eye contact with Handy, lifting her cup to her lips and taking a sip. Handy himself was focusing intently on his own cup as it sat on the table. He tentatively put his arms out and gripped the cup between his bandaged nubs. Slowly, he tried lifting the cup to his mouth, but his efforts to keep his arms steady were failing. The cup began shaking, threatening to slip out of Handy's weak grasp. Before the coffee had a chance to spill, he promptly set the cup back down on the table cloth and glared daggers at the offending drinking vessel. Petunia noticed, and got the attention of a server._

" _Uh, excuse me – could, um, could we have a straw please?" She requested quietly._

_Soon, a straw had found itself in Handy's cup. Had it been any other situation, he would have smirked at the comical juxtaposition between the creamy, luxurious coffee, the clean white cup and the bright, striped plastic straw. The beaver leaned down and methodically sipped. Gulping down the coffee, he looked up at Petunia._

" _Uh... thanks," he mumbled. Petunia weakly smiled in response._

_There was another long silence between them, until Handy finally spoke up again._

" _Why didn't you tell me?"_

_Petunia's face fell again, and she started running a finger along the rim of her cup as she struggled to speak._

" _...I don't know," she said. "I... just forgot. I know that sounds stupid, but... I forgot. I'd never had a real boyfriend before you. Boys always avoided me, because of my clean freak tendencies. So I was so caught up in finally having someone – doing all the, you know, 'datey' things – that the fact that I had hands to regenerate never occurred to me." She looked up at Handy. "I'm sorry. I should have remembered. I know that it was important to you... But it doesn't change 'us'... does it?"_

" _That was the thing we had in common though, Petunia!" Handy exclaimed, throwing his arms up in the air. "I mean... with that gone, what have we got?" He slumped and hung his head once again. "I felt like... for the first time in years, I wasn't alone in the world. I had someone to relate to, who could experience those things with me. Someone to... fill in these hand-shaped gaps in my life. Now I'm alone again. And I don't know how you could still want me with this difference between us."_

" _W-well..." Petunia started. "This doesn't have to be the end of us." She put her cup back down on the table. "You're asking me how I could still want you after getting my hands back. But that's just a physical thing in the end. What have we got? We've got each other. It's so clichéd, but it's true. You're still the same person, I'm still the same person. It's not about hands any more... I moved beyond that. Your lack of hands was the first thing I noticed about you..." She placed her hands over Handy's nubs. "...But it wasn't what I fell in love with."_

_Handy locked eyes with her. "What did you fall in love with?"_

" _Your knack for finding fun... the way you want to find a solution to every problem. Your willingness to help. Your attention to the little things. That's why you became a handyman, I guess... and that's why I love you."_

_A smile crept back onto Handy's face. "And... and I fell in love with your kindness. Your looks. Your laugh. Your caring nature. The fact that you want to take care of me... and you gave me love when nobody else would give me more than a weird look on the street. That deserves commitment."_

_Petunia smiled warmly. "You see? We can pull through this."_

_She stood up, walked around the table, and wrapped Handy in a tight embrace. She spoke softly._

" _I can still fill those hand-shaped gaps... with_ my _hands."_  


* * *

**  
HANDY:** And... uh... that was it, I guess. We went back to her place and made out all day. Then we went out to get dinner, and got run over by a bus. It was a pretty good day.

 **ACORN PRESS:** I... I see. That was a... very touching story, Handy.

 **H:** Oh, jeez, you think so? Ha-ha... Uh... well, I guess it shows that living in hell isn't so bad if you've got somebody to share that hell with. Happy Tree isn't heaven by a long shot, but she brings it a bit closer. I ended up becoming a bit more social after that... even started making new friends. So I'm in a better place now than I was when I came here.

 **AP:** Hmm. Well – if it's alright with you, I'd like to move on to some other topics I'm curious about. The previous interviewee, Giggles-

 **H:** Ah, yeah. Petunia's best friend. She almost hangs out with her more than me!

 **AP:** -Yes. Um – she mentioned a few things about jobs and industry in Happy Tree, and it made me curious about how it all works. As a builder, slash handyman... can I assume that you know more than others about how the economy operates in a dimensionally-displaced city like Happy Tree?

 **H:** Uh... s'pose so. I've done... or tried to do jobs on a lot of larger projects in the county. Most anything, oil rigs, construction... What do you wanna talk about?

 **AP:** Well, we can start with the basics and move on from there I guess. Obviously there would be no goods or services going in or out of the city?

 **H:** Yeah, you're one hundred percent right. No resources ever get imported or exported. Everything's self sufficient here... the factories keep churning shit out, money keeps flowing internally. And with the population growing as much as it has, what with all the poor souls finding their way here over the years, you'd think we'd be overstretched.

One thing you gotta understand, though, is that Happy Tree County is absolutely huge. In fact, I think I remember reading in one of the old surveys from before the city disappeared – we don't have any later ones in the libraries here – that Happy Tree is, or was, the biggest county in Acornia. Like, it stretches from the plains in the south, up the west coast through the woodland regions, and up to the icy mountains in the north. I think a hundred and sixty miles north to south. East-west... probably seventy.

 **AP:** As far as I know, Happy Tree still is the biggest county in the country. Incidentally, it's also the biggest restricted zone in the world, too.

 **H:** _[The interviewee snorts.]_ Heh, figures. Either way... The size of the county means that there's a ton of natural resources here already. Enough that we wouldn't need to import anything even if we could... and we have the ability to farm and extract and construct anything we want. Kinda cushy actually, now that I think about it...

 **AP:** But... surely, those resources would have to run out at some point?

 **H:** That's the thing. They don't. I've never worked up at the coal mines, but out of my friends, everyone who has has told me the same things: They finish work for the day, go home, come back the next morning... and they can't help but feel like they're just mining the same vein of coal again, day after day. They never end up going deeper into the ground. Same with the oil rigs, they should have sucked the supply dry by now but the black stuff just keeps coming. It doesn't make sense... but then, what does in this town?

 **AP:** It seems like quite a good situation, at first. But there's something... sinister about it.

 **H:** Yeah, we all think so. Especially Sniffles. He's said that it's like there's something... keeping everything going. Like an ongoing experiment... or something, I can't remember.

 **AP:** Sniffles?

 **H:** Oh, uh... Anteater. Acquaintance of ours... friend of others. He's super nerdy, but he's smart as hell. Sometimes to a fault... but he can see into things that the rest of us can't. He might have a few tidbits to tell you guys on the outside.

 **AP:** Of course. Let him know that we're interested, and to get in contact with us... we have an agent at the border every day for correspondence.

 **H:**  Will do.

 **AP:** Well, we're almost out of time here, but I think I can fit in one more question. I suppose life in Happy Tree is a constant struggle for you... but considering that you can still perform your job in spite of your disability, it's a testament to the help and support available to you, like career support and mobility assistance, that you're able to continue working-

 **H:** Oh, I don't know about that...

 **AP:** Oh? Well, if that's the case, how do you do your jobs?

 **H:** I... I don't-  _[The interviewee looks around.]_ I don't know, man. I don't know. Sometimes I'll look at the job that needs doing... a-and then I'll black out, and when I come back it's fucking done. I don't know how it happens. A-a-and other times, when I start some other job – I can't remember how I did it all those other times. And it also seems to happen in an emergency, or when I'm trying to help someone in danger... I'll need to use my hands, that I don't have. It creeps me out.

_[There is approximately 4 seconds of silence.]_

**AP:** Does... anyone else know about this?

 **H:** Uh... I've only really told Petunia about it... and my friend, Mole. Everybody else just assumes I can do the jobs, because they never see me doing anything until after I've completed something. There's something that just feels  _wrong_  about it... these little gaps in my life here that all of us know nothing about.

_[There is approximately 3 seconds of silence.]_

**H:** _[Sighs]_ Anyway... Who have you got up next for interviews?

 **AP:** Uh, let me check.  _[The interviewer pulls out and checks his smart phone.]_ Uh... we have someone by the name of Russell... War veteran who calls himself Flippy, that'll be interesting... Your girlfriend Petunia... and a sheep, Lammy. All over the next couple of weeks. That's all we have so far, and of course we still have others not locked in yet.

_[There is approximately 5 seconds of silence.]_

**AP:** What's wrong, Handy?

 **H:** W-what's that?

 **AP:**...What's what?

 **H:** That! That thing, in your hand! What is it?

 **AP:** That's... my phone?

 **H:** That's a cell phone?! But it doesn't have any buttons... or an aerial...

 **AP:** You only know about cell phones from ten years ago?

 **H:** Well... We have cell phones, but we can't do anything with them. Happy Tree doesn't have a mobile network. There were never any satellites or national carriers, on account of the whole "in our own reality" thing, so the infrastructure was never in place... plus, nobody's come to Happy Tree who knows how to make one of those networks. It's all landline telephones for us. And definitely nobody's come here with one of _those_  things.  _[The interviewee gestures towards the smart phone.]_

 **AP:** So... you're behind us in some areas of technology. Does... does Happy Tree's technological progress depend entirely on who ends up in the town?

 **H:** I... I guess it does.

 **AP:** Well, that raises even more questions-

 **MAL ROEBUCK:** Uh, sorry Joe, but we're out of time. You're gonna have to wrap it up here.

 **AP:** Dammit. Okay, give me a sec. Sorry Handy, I really want to continue this, but we have time constraints... and I suppose you have things to get to as well.

 **H:** Uh, yeah, sure. Uh... I can let you know when I'm next free and we can talk some more, maybe?

 **AP:** Yes, definitely – that would be really good. I have plenty more questions that I think you could answer.

 **H:** Okay, cool. Uh, thank you very much.

 **AP:** Likewise. I'll be in touch.

 **H:** Yeah, see ya.

_[The interviewee leaves the Happy Tree side of the booth.]_

_[The door closes.]_

**AP:** Alright Mal, we need to-

**[RECORDING END]**


	4. Russell

##  **THE TRUTH IS OUT**

###  **ACORN PRESS' HAPPY TREE INTERVIEWS MADE PUBLIC**

####  **Acornia Reacts**

First there was the dead people coming back to life, now there's these interviews being released... shit is getting real #happytree

_\- [ConspiracyWatch] on LoudSpeaker_

Just viewed the footage of Acorn Press' 1st #happytree interviews – needless to say I'm shocked #unbelievable

_\- [WiltingLily] on LoudSpeaker_

The first #happytree interviews are out, and it looks like the story PineTreeDaily mocked so openly is actually true? #eggmeetface #karma

_\- [Oberoonie] on LoudSpeaker_

This will give Acorn Press the nice boost in sales they've been needing #justsaying #printmediarevival #happytree

_\- [MattSpeaks] on LoudSpeaker_

_-Excerpts from front page of content aggregator FeederOnline, Monday May 25_   
  


* * *

  
Truly, we are living in an interesting time.

Things we never thought possible are eventuating as a result of the return of Happy Tree to our world. We must try and make sense of the situation, but where to start? A metaphysical barrier preventing anyone leaving? A never-ending cycle of horrific death? Imposed selective amnesia? The great disappearance was already an event that beggared belief, but it seems there are even greater things at work here than we first thought.

The release of the video footage and transcripts of the first two interviews with Happy Tree residents – that have been unofficially christened "The Happy Tree Interviews" in the blogosphere – has been the biggest shock of them all. The revelations in the interviews held so far have both shocked our country and left us clamouring for more. Despite the light shed by the answers and stories we have been given from the two interviewees – one "Giggles" and one "Handy" - many more questions are indeed raised, and present further scope for study. For example, how society has developed while being isolated for so long; whether any industries unique to Happy Tree have developed; the effects of healthcare and crime; the list goes on.

The interviews really must be seen, read and heard to be believed, and we have to thank Acorn Press and their intrepid reporter Joe Grizzle for their work in bringing these interviews to us. Aside from providing sensational information, more than anything else they are also providing us with a call to action. As a country, we need to focus on working out a way to help these people – and also give closure to those in Acornia who may have lost loved ones to Happy Tree.

Allegedly, Acorn Press has many more interviews lined up with other citizens of the county that has perplexed us for centuries. I, for one, eagerly await their release, and hope that the reappearance of Happy Tree is permanent, so that we may figure out some way to help those trapped there.

_-Vincent Oakfield; opinion piece in the Daisy River Gazette, Monday May 25_   
  


* * *

 

##  **ROV SUCCESSFULLY CROSSES HAPPY TREE BORDER**

Following the bizarre incident on May 21 that left four Happy Tree residents dead – and brought back to life the next day – investigations resumed at the border of Happy Tree County.

Attempts were made to cross the county border with a remotely operated vehicle by Acornian government agents, and the ROV successfully crossed the border without harm. Consistent with reports from Happy Tree residents, the ROV was unable to return back across the border to its operator, an unseen force pushing it back every time the vehicle touched the county line.

Interestingly, however, the live video feed from the ROV was maintained throughout the procedure, and continued to run with no anomalies once across the border. It was also noted in other procedures throughout the day that objects remain able to return across the border as long as some part of them remains on the national side – it is only once an entire object has crossed the border that it is unable to return.

According to government representatives at the site, further experiments are being formulated and are planned to be put into action in the coming weeks.

_-Extract from front page of Acorn Press, Monday May 25_   
  


* * *

 

##  **HAPPY TREE CENSUS ANNOUNCED**

The government of Acornia has announced a census on the recently-reappeared Happy Tree County. The aim is to survey the population of the county to determine demographics, and if possible, confirm the identities of citizens and put them in touch with their relatives/descendants.

Acornian President Davis Damworth said in a press conference today: "We wish to gain a better understanding of exactly who is here, to assist with the closing of Missing Persons cases and give families and descendants closure. Census stations will be set up at many points along the Happy Tree county border, and all residents of Happy Tree County are encouraged to visit and pass their details on.

"Our agents are also looking for knowledgable radio operators in the county, to attempt to establish radio contact with Happy Tree, and integrate the county into the Acornian telecommunications network."

_-Extract from front page of Acorn Press, Tuesday May 26_   
  


* * *

__  
The following is a transcript of an interview conducted on audio and video between Joe Grizzle of Acorn Press, and "Russell", a citizen of Happy Tree, on Tuesday May 26 for Acorn Press' publication "The Happy Tree Interviews". Important visual and audio events are noted where appropriate.  
  


* * *

**  
[RECORDING START]**

**ACORN PRESS:** -with it, and we've started. Okay, let's get this show on the road. Joe Grizzle for Acorn Press, with Mal Roebuck manning the recording equipment... this is being conducted with the co-operation of the government of Acornia, it is Tuesday May twenty-sixth, and local time is eleven a.m. I'm here with the third interviewee from Happy Tree, and what an interesting one this is. What's your name?

 **RUSSELL:** Ha-ha-harr, me name is Russell, matey!

 **AP:** Ha-ha! Ah, you're the first person we've interviewed with a normal-sounding name. Is that your actual name?

 **R:**  Arr, well, it be me family name. On me ship, the crew referred to each other by last name, so when I forgot me given name after entering this place, "Russell" just stuck.

 **AP:** And how old are you, Russell?

 **R:** Oh, well now... I think maybe... eighteen, or thereabouts when I arrived in Happy Tree?

 **AP:** Wow, all of you are so young... uh, tell me more about yourself. Your childhood, your life before Happy Tree?

 **R:** Don't remember much of me life before Happy Tree... just the important stuff. Was born into a poor family by the sea, way up north. Just about on the border between Acornia and Nordfrezia. After I had me legs and one o' me hands taken off in a shark attack, me parents couldn't afford to take care of me, so I was sent away. I was taken south, to Split Peak – the county just north o' Happy Tree – and there I fell into the piracy game. They gave me these here peg legs and hook, and took me on board their ship, and I grew up on the seas.

 **AP:** I... see... And, uh, how did you find yourself in Happy Tree?

 **R:** Arr, 'twas a dark n' stormy night. Me ship was attemptin' to make its way down the coast to the port in Plain County. I remember, we were carryin' pilfered timber and gold from Split Peak in the north. We were passin' by the waters o' Happy Tree County when a great big wave swept us asunder. I don't know what happened to me shipmates, but I went overboard and was swept away... next thing I know, I be wakin' up on the beaches o' Happy Tree, two figures makin' their way over to me... I fainted again... and that be it. I woke up as the newest citizen of this town.

 **AP:** That's quite the story. Are there any others like you in Happy Tree?

 **R:** Yes and no. A lot of us sea dogs have ended up here over the years. Mostly from Split Peak, seein' as that's where a lot of the natural resources were in Acornia... gold and timber, as I said... Food, grains... Oil, too, once industries started usin' it. Startin' about fifty years ago, the county saw a rise in the number o' sailors comin' in on oil tankers. Their navigation systems malfunctionin', mostly. All o' these types o' cargo were on their way to Plain County an' Cactusfield in the south – seein' as there were no real resources in those counties, they had to get theirs from other places willin' to give theirs up. And Happy Tree is bang in the middle of all three... Ha-harr! So, despite all the warnin's about givin' the place a wide berth, yer always playin' with fate when ye weigh anchor on one o' those trips. Davy Jones sometimes decides he doesn't want ye in his locker, so he'll blow ye over that sea boundary. Was what happened to me, and many others. Pay was always good, though... 'specially when yer doing it on the wrong side o' the law, like I was.

 **AP:** I see. Is there still a demand for seaborne goods in Happy Tree, despite access to the outside world being largely lost?

 **R:** Aye, that be true. Happy Tree wasn't a huge city when it disappeared. 'Twas more like a big port town. Now, it be more of a true city. But even though the freeways and the railways have sprung up in the last thirty or so years, this place still has a big relationship with the seas. Trade still be done with the fisheries just as smartly as before this place vanished!

 **AP:** I have to say, I'm impressed by your knowledge of the history of Happy Tree. Has your research informed your persona at all?

 **R:** Arr, um... research? Persona? What be ye gettin' at?

 **AP:** The, uh, the pirate act. Is it an effort to recapture something from Happy Tree's past? An image of a time you are curious about?

 **R:** _[Laughs]_ Ah, Joe, me matey – don't be tellin' me ye thought this pirate garb was a costume?

_[There is approximately 6 seconds of silence.]_

**AP:** Uh... w-what do you mean?

 **R:** I didn't have to do any research, matey. I've lived it. I've been in Happy Tree a long, long time.  
  


* * *

  
" _The poor young otter. What have we doomed him to?"_

" _It wouldn't have made a difference whether we pulled him from the water or not. He is doomed as we are, regardless. You know this, Thaddeus. If we had left him to expire, he would merely have appeared at the clinic in the city like everyone else, alive and well. At least here, we can spare him the shock of waking up in a cold bed."_

_Russell heard the voices fading in with his vision. Two males, conversing calmly but furtively, in the next room. The otter fully opened his remaining eye and looked around at the stark but warm wooden surroundings. He could tell, from the lack of rocking and swaying one would expect on a ship traversing the waves, that he was on land – in a house of some description._

" _I know, Isambard... I just wish that things were different. There is nothing we can do to keep souls like him from entering the county. By the time they find out what their circumstances are, it is too late for them – and the outside world, for all we know, no longer exists to us."_

" _I understand," Isambard replied, as Russell made to get up from the bed. The blue otter propped himself up with his remaining hand, not noticing that his hook was missing from his other arm. "It has been three years, but we are only beginning to know the consequences of our actions." Still in a daze, Russell shuffled towards the edge of the bed and swung his legs out to stand on the floor._

_In the dining room, the owners of the two voices – Isambard, a rabbit, and Thaddeus, a deer, sat forlornly at the big wooden table. Isambard continued to speak, downcast. "Truly, we have done a terrible thing. I shudder to think of what the future holds for us... and the boy in that bed, and all who may follow him. Were it not for us listening to-"_

_Isambard was interrupted by a loud thump coming from the next room, followed by a groan. The rabbit and deer jumped and immediately looked towards the sound._

" _It appears our guest is awake," Thaddeus said, and arose from his chair._

_The duo entered the room to find Russell sprawled on the floor face down, two stumps where his legs should have been. The otter lifted his head wearily from the floorboards._

" _Peg legs..." he mumbled. "Where be me peg legs?"_  
  


* * *

_  
Within a quarter of an hour, there were three seated at the table. Russell's peg legs were once again fixed to what was left of his shins, and his hook lay on the table beside the bowl of soup he was slowly sipping from. His hat and normal clothing remained folded up on the other side of the room, a white dressing gown covering him for now. Behind him, Isambard's wife – a raccoon who had been introduced to Russell as Isabel – stood at the kitchen basin scrubbing dishes._

_Russell placed the spoon into the empty bowl and looked up at Thaddeus and Isambard._

" _Russell be thankin' ye landlubbers fer the fixin's. 'Twas some mighty fine soup."_

_The two others at the table could only smile in response, awkwardly avoiding direct eye contact with the otter. The silence felt empty._

" _So," Russell sighed, "I can't leave this place. I'm stayin' here fer the rest o' me life, yes?"_

" _...In a way, yes," Thaddeus responded, after a long pause. "The rest of your existence, at least. We... aren't sure quite how long that will be."_

" _Why can't we up and leave?" Russell asked._

_Thaddeus and Isambard shot each other a concerned look, so quick that Russell barely noticed. Out of view of the pirate, Isabel briefly stopped scrubbing and turned her head to look at her husband, sadness in her eyes. Isambard met them with his own despairing eyes for a brief moment, and Isabel looked down to the ground before turning back around to resume scrubbing._

" _This... this town... this county, is cursed," said Isambard. "But... we do not know why. All we know is that any attempt to leave the county is thwarted. We are trapped here."_

" _Until we die?"_

_A grim expression found its way onto Isambard's face. "Beyond that. You will be killed many times, and always return the next day. I'm sorry, boy. We don't know how long this may last."_

_Russell's expression was vacant as he leaned back in his chair. "So me seafarin' days are over..."_

" _For the open ocean, at least," Thaddeus replied. "We have found that we can travel some distance past the islands off the coast before the county boundary gives way to international waters."_

" _But what happens to me now?" Russell said quietly. "I have nothin'. No work, no home. Where can I go? What will this worthless scurvy dog do?"_

_After some silence, Isambard rose from his chair, and placed a hand on Russell's shoulder._

" _We will find you a home. And try, with the other townspeople, to provide for you as best we can. I can tell you are a free soul, Russell... you may be a pirate, but you are good at heart, and you do not deserve this fate. Nonetheless, it has befallen you. You did not end up here by choice, so we have a duty to try and ensure that your new life here is as comfortable as can be."_  
  


* * *

_  
Russell stepped out on to the back verandah of Isambard's stately house, and looked out to the sea. He leaned on the railing with his hand and hook, and scanned the waves as the afternoon sun glistened off the water. The otter considered the fact that he had never had a permanent home before – and now, through no fault of his own, he had been forced into taking one up. One where temporary, though painful, death constantly loomed. He thought he would have felt angrier, more bitter about it. But all he felt was simple resignation. Was it the shock of nearly drowning? Was it simple disbelief?_

_Whatever the reason, he thought, this was his life now. He simply had to make the best of it. He would never again sail the wide open seas, never again visit a new port every few months. Never again would he see his old shipmates – all he had was the clothes he was wearing, his eye patch, and his augmented limbs._

_One side of his mouth turned upwards in a half-smirk. But, of course, there were plenty of new "shipmates" to make friends with here in Happy Tree County. And plenty of sea to explore – at least, until a few miles past the chain of islands in the distance. And he had all the time in the world to engage with both._

_Russell's pirating days were over. But, in a twisted way, his future still looked a little bright._

_At least, he hoped so._   
  


* * *

**  
RUSSELL:** I've watched Happy Tree grow from a bustlin' seaside town, into a small metropolis. I've seen town houses give way to skyscrapers. I've seen the county's population multiply, as unfortunate travellers, runaways, lost folk, have found themselves here over the centuries. I've seen the wooden piers at the harbour turn into a concrete dock. I've seen technology advancin' far beyond what I ever imagined. I've seen the first souls to bring the car... the plane... the telephone... the computer. It's been a long life I've led. So long, me accent and manner o' speakin' are startin' to change... assimilate into the modern way o' talkin'... Me body's been stabbed, cut, sliced, crushed and torn apart more times than I could ever remember. Nothin' about me is an act, Joe. Nothin'.

_[There is approximately 4 seconds of silence.]_

**ACORN PRESS:** I... God. I am so sorry. I should have thought-

 **R:** Narr, ye couldn't have known. Nobody believes me when I first tell 'em anyways. The landlubbers quickly come 'round when I show 'em the hundred-year-old photographs. Yarr, I be standin' with others in front o' the town hall, no buildin's surroundin' it. Yet now, it be squished in between high-rise apartments.

 **AP:** That's... actually quite fascinating. So you've known the original residents of Happy Tree longer than just about anybody. What are they like?

 **R:** Good people. Very good, kind people. Only issue is...  _[The interviewee looks around.]_  ...They're hidin' somethin'. But old matey Russell knows nothin' about what they went through. They won't tell a soul except fer each other. That Isambard fellow... when he told me he didn't know why the town was cursed, he had that little quiver in his voice that tells a scurvy dog he knows more'n what he's lettin' on. Well... I've had almost two hundred and fourty-seven years to try an' coax some kinda answer outta him and the rest of 'em, but it ain't happenin'. So I stopped tryin' about fifty years in.

 **AP:** Well... now that I know you're actually a pirate... a historical one... I have to ask – did you ever kill while you were out on the seas?

 **R:** No, never. That motley crew weren't good people by any stretch o' the imagination, but they never killed once while I was with 'em. We were more covert, operatin'  _around_  lawful folk rather than just slicin' through 'em. I never laid my sword on any sentient being in me life.

 **AP:** Oh. Well... that's good to know. Uh, and how has it been adjusting to the modern world over such a long timespan?

 **R:** Hmmm.  _[The interviewee shrugs.]_ I can't really say I've... adjusted. Yarr, it's mighty strange. The world around me has changed in almost every way, but I haven't. It be kind of like a fish, taken from the seas and put in a tank o' water on land. The fish be the same, but the surroundin's be different... and the fish ain't as free as it was.  _[Sighs]_ Ye adapt to drivin' a motor car, catchin' the train, goin' to a shop to get yer vegetables and other scurvy-cures... but there's somethin' still missin'. It only feels right when I'm out on me boat by the beach. And fer the longest time I've been wantin' to share that rightness with someone...  _[The interviewee shakes his head.]_...But the lasses have changed too. There was this one, some months ago... Giggles-

 **AP:** Giggles again? You know her too?

 **R:** Aye, every landlubber and seadog knows each other here. Well, she taught me a lot about what the lasses are like now, and I tried to keep up with it, but I just couldn't. We gave it a right go, though, so regret ain't on me mind. But it still pains me a bit all the same... plenty o' fish in the sea, they say, but the sea be quite small in my circumstances. And with every passin' decade, the fish grow less and less familiar.

 **AP:**...I'm sorry to hear that.

 **R:** Arr, naught ye can do about it. Naught anyone can really do about anything here in Happy Tree. This be our lot in life... and death. A fair few of us hope fer freedom from this hell of ours – and we don't know why we returned to ye, but it be our best chance yet of getting' that freedom.

 **AP:** Indeed. And it seems that's all the time we have. A good note to end on... Thank you very much Russell, I can't wait to see the reactions from the public when they see and hear the things you've been talking about.

 **R:** Arr, it be nice talkin' to ye, Joe. I hope me story can open landlubbers' eyes on the outside.  _[The interviewee gets up and heads for the door.]_ Wish me luck on the drive home – yarr, it's been a fair few years, but I still haven't quite gotten used to which pedal be go, and which pedal be stop! Ha-ha-harr!

 **AP:** _[Laughs]_ Goodbye Russell, take care.

 **R:** May ye sail on calm seas.

_[The interviewee leaves the Happy Tree side of the interview booth.]_

_[The door closes.]_

**MAL ROEBUCK:** Hey Joe... text just came in from Tim. He needs to see us at HQ. Apparently they've been receiving requests from other news agencies to interview you...

 **AP:** God, really?

 **MR:** Yeah, the interviewer being interviewed. Interesting stuff. The interviews with Giggles and Handy are spreading like wildfire, the blogs are going crazy... and don't even get me started on the conspiracy sites-

_[There is the distant sound of a car crashing.]_

**MR:** Shit... was that Russell?

 **AP:** It might have been-

**[RECORDING END]**   
  


* * *

  
"Russell went for his interview today, didn't he?" asked Cuddles.

"Uh... yeah, yeah he did," came the reply from Handy, as he came in from the kitchen balancing a tray of buffalo wings on his stumps. The beaver slid the tray on to the living room table and sat beside Cuddles on the couch, as the rabbit cracked open another can of soda. "He hasn't come back though. Nobody's seen him since before lunch today."

"Hmm. Well, I think we might be seeing him come out of that hospital tomorrow morning then," Cuddles remarked before taking a gulp from his drink.

"It's a good idea of yours..." Handy continued, sipping through a straw from an open can next to him. "...The whole interview thing."

"Ah, it's not really my idea," countered Cuddles, switching on the TV. "I just took the opportunity when it came up. You can't wait around when something like that happens!"

Handy furrowed his brow. "Well, if you can't wait around, then why haven't you done an interview yet? I thought you'd be the first to put up your hand?"

Cuddles turned to look at Handy. "Eh, I figured I'd take a back seat for once. Let everybody else say their bit. I'm not really... special... I don't have much to offer Acorn Press. But all of my friends do. They all have their little quirks about 'em," he said with a small grin.

"I think you're being too hard on yourself, man," said Handy, raising an eyebrow.

"Nah, nah," Cuddles replied, taking another sip. "I volunteered everybody else for a reason. I can't go stealing the spotlight now, can I?" The yellow rabbit leaned forward and plucked a wing from the tray, biting into it. "I'll volunteer myself for an interview when the time's right. Besides, I'm doing my own little investigations."

One side of Handy's mouth turned up in a wry smile. "Scheduling conflicts?"

Cuddles returned the smile. "Scheduling conflicts."

They sat in silence for a few seconds, before Handy himself leaned forward to grab a wing. However, like so many times before, the beaver handyman found that he had no hand to grasp the food that was so tantalisingly close. As was customary, Handy growled, and turned to frown and glare at nothing in particular.

Cuddles slowly leaned towards Handy, looking confusedly in the same direction. He turned his head to look at Handy's glaring face, then back in the direction of his friend's gaze, then back to Handy.

The rabbit blinked twice. "What are you looking at when you do that?"

Handy blinked as well, and his face returned to normal as he looked back at Cuddles. "What am I looking at when I do what?"

The two friends stared at each other in silence – a slight feeling of wrongness in the air. But Cuddles brushed it off.

"...Never mind," he said quickly, before turning back to the TV. "Hey, look, the game's on!"

"Oh yeah!" Handy exclaimed.

"This was such a good idea, sending Giggles and Petunia on that girls' night out..."

"Guys' night in, baby!"

"...Hey buddy, you want help with that wing?"


	5. Flippy

"Look, don't worry – I've made Mr. Pickels promise that he'll leave you all alone tonight! Ha-ha, he knows I need my space!"

"Is he sorry for the poker night?"

"...Maybe?"

On the other side of town, four girls were sitting on a park bench, watching the sun go down – a chipmunk, a skunk, a sheep and a porcupine.

"Oh, have any of you gone to those, uh... census stations?"

"I have!"

"Um, I haven't – uh – I-I'm going to wait until there aren't so many people there..."

The chatter of Giggles, Petunia, Lammy and Flaky fell into a lull as the sun dipped below the ocean on the horizon. The few palm trees in front of them assumed a dark silhouette as the sky began to turn from orange, to purple, to a dark blue.

The girls enjoyed the brief silence, listening to the waves crashing on the nearby shore. But it wasn't long before a soft voice piped up from the end of the bench.

"Are... are you all... happy that we're back?"

The others turned to look at Flaky. Their mouths opened and closed as they tried to find words to say.

"...I don't know," answered Giggles.

"It's weird," Petunia added. "There's been this huge change for Happy Tree, but from inside, it doesn't seem like anything's changed at all." The skunk turned back to look at the horizon, a troubled look forming on her face. As the others talked, she muttered, "Mostly..." under her breath – too low for everyone else to hear.

Meanwhile, Lammy contributed to the conversation. "Yeah... we're here, but... still separated. From what I hear they have all these weird regulations in place, and we still can't cross the county line..."

"That's true," Giggles said. "They probably decided to keep the boundary up when they saw my interview."

Flaky perked up at this. "Oh yeah, h-how did that go?"

"It went great. Apparently me and Handy are the faces of this media sensation on the outside. It's pretty cool," the chipmunk elaborated. "I'm starting to wonder how much of a difference it's going to make to us... but Cuddles is pretty sure it's going to help."

"Has Cuddles done an interview yet?" Lammy asked, leaning forward from the bench's opposite end.

Giggles' soft smile faded, and her brow furrowed. "...No."

"Is he going to?"

"I... I don't know."

"Th-that surprised me," Flaky interjected, quickly looking away when Giggles and Lammy made eye contact with her. No-one noticed Petunia continuing to stare straight ahead. The porcupine's voice trailed off as she continued to speak. "Cuddles doesn't, uh, s-seem like the kind of person to... shy away... from... attention..."

"That's the thing," mused Giggles. "He keeps talking about 'scheduling conflicts'… But there's no schedule to conflict with for him. It's not like he works full time or... does anything but skateboard..." She cracked a smile at this last statement, and promptly raised her hands to her face and giggled. Lammy and Flaky did the same.

Overhead, unbeknownst to the girls, a helicopter flew high in the sky, a large object suspended from its lifting hook. The thin chain chose this exact moment to break, sending the object plummeting to earth.

On the ground, the laughter died down. In the silence that followed, Giggles noticed that she had not heard a noise out of one of her friends in the last few minutes – which was rare.

"Petunia?"

The skunk still stared straight ahead. Upon hearing her name, she shook her head and turned to Giggles. "Huh?"

"Are you okay? We haven't heard a peep out of you."

"Oh. Uhhh – yeah, I'm fine. I just... wanted to ask you girls something. Something that's been bothering me..."

"Sure," replied Lammy, "Go ahead." Giggles and Flaky nodded in agreement.

Petunia started fidgeting with her hands as she squeezed the question out. "Do... do you girls... ever...  _dream_  when you die?"

The other three looked at each other uncomfortably.

"Uh... no?" replied Giggles.

"N-not that I know of," stated Flaky.

"Nope, never," came the reply from Lammy.

"Right," uttered Petunia, the troubled look on her face returning. "It's just – uh – since Happy Tree came back to the... the... real world... I've died a couple of times. And every one of those times, I've–"

"Look out!" came a call from one of the many other people in the park. "PIANOOOOO!"

The four girls' gazes snapped to the sky, to see a large object growing ever larger in their view at an alarming rate.

The quartet had just enough time to start screaming before the grand piano landed on them hard, a dust cloud emerging, accompanied by a deafening, dissonant chord.

What was left, once the dust cleared, was a pile of splintered painted wood – and a large splatter of blood and red mush.  
  


* * *

 __  
The following is a transcript of an interview conducted on audio and video between Joe Grizzle of Acorn Press, and "Flippy", a citizen of Happy Tree, on Wednesday May 27 for Acorn Press' publication "The Happy Tree Interviews". Important visual and audio events are noted where appropriate. Some edits have been made to the recordings.  
  


* * *

**  
[RECORDING START]**

**ACORN PRESS:** -if we can. Alright, let's start. Joe Grizzle for Acorn Press, with Mal Roebuck manning the recording equipment. It is Wednesday May twenty-seventh and local time is ten a.m. We state once again that these interviews are being conducted in co-operation with the government of Acornia. With that, begins our next interview, with an interesting individual, it seems.

 **FLIPPY:** At your service, sir.

 **AP:** You're the soldier – if anything,  _I_  should be calling  _you_  sir. What is your name – sir?

 **F:** Flippy. I can't remember much about what my real name was, but I look at my dog tags, and they say Phillips. I guess "Flippy" was just a corruption of that by my squadmates.

 **AP:** Phillips... Phillips, that sounds familiar.

 **MAL ROEBUCK:** Corporal Phillips? The missing soldier.

 **AP:** That's right! You're in all the history books. The, uh, the Weaponised Animal Regiment, the only survivor, the bear that single-handedly weakened the Tiger Army!

 **F:** Jesus, I'm famous?

 **MR:** Well, turning the tide of a war will do that. Especially when it's followed by going missing for the last thirty years. And the stories of how the experience affected you.

 **AP:** The war with the Tiger Republic was one of the biggest events of the last fifty years. Their borders are still closed, but every so often we get word that you're a legendary figure there. "Angel of Death", they call you. Our government said before you disappeared that it wasn't known exactly what happened that day. Can you shed any light on that?

 **F:** No, unfortunately... I can't. After I was honorably discharged, whatever I did to the Tiger army remained a mystery. All I remember from my end was infiltrating the base with Sneaky and Mouse Ka-Boom... then I woke up in the field hospital being told that they were killed. The only clues were my severed hands found near their main complex... and the rest of me inside the complex with its entire personnel dead. Their general was never found. Whatever I did, I don't remember one bit of it. But I wasn't the same after that. You probably know all of this already...

 **AP:** Always pays to hear it again for context. Well, you were twenty-five when the... incident happened, and twenty-seven when you went missing. I'd assume you are still physically twenty seven... So... how did you end up in Happy Tree, of all places?

 **F:** There wasn't much to it really. I was having nightmares about the war one night, and I couldn't sleep, so I went out on a drive... I got lost... and I ended up driving into Plainview Junction about fifteen miles into Happy Tree County. And that was that.

 **AP:** Well, there we go. A thirty-year-old missing persons report can now be closed, I think. Speaking of which, how are you finding the fact that Happy Tree has returned?

 **F:** Can't say it means much to me. It's given all of us hope, but... life on the inside isn't really that different. We still go about our lives as we have for god knows how long, only now we have you guys on the outside to actually talk to and get messages out. Plus we've now got a couple of ROVs that we don't know what to do with. Until we find the reason we came back – if we ever find out – far as I'm concerned, we've got nothing to be excited about. Yet, anyway. At least this census might help people get back in contact with their families. In fact, I just came from entering my details at one of the census stations. Who knows, maybe a cousin will find me and get in contact... but I never had much of a family, so I'm not holding out for anything.

 **AP:** So, your view of all this is not that optimistic?

 **F:** In our situation, it's hard to find positives. Even if we are back in... whatever reality this is. I never used to believe in curses. But knowing what's happened to this town... and what's happened to me... I'm beginning to think I do.

 **AP:** Your PTSD, you mean?

 **F:** PTSD?

 **AP:** Uh... Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

 **F:** So it's true... that  _is_ what they're calling it now. Well... I guess I do mean that. I had all sorts of major injuries after the incident besides my hands... but after I got patched up and had my hands reattached, we realised that there were mental injuries still there that we never got a chance to repair.

For the last few years I was on the outside, it was things like... nightmares, obviously... going into a catatonic state. Shaking, chattering, lashing out at people... But... once I ended up in Happy Tree, it got worse.

 **AP:** How much worse?

_[There is approximately 4 seconds of silence.]_

**F:** I kill people, Joe.

_[There is approximately 10 seconds of silence.]_

**F:** Well, I mean – it's not "me"... but...

 **AP:** Wait, wait... I – I'm not sure I understand–

 **F:** _[Sighs]_ When... when something reminds me of the war, like – like a gunshot, or fire, or... even just blood... I flip out. I turn into this evil, killer version of myself. I know him. I've seen him. I even beat him... once. But most of the time, while he's there, I'm not. I just black out as I feel the fear coming back, and when I come to... I'm either out in the wilderness, or in the middle of a crime scene. People around me are dead and dismembered. Things I would never willingly do to anything, or anyone... They all come back, but they don't forget... and neither do I.

 **AP:** And this... alternate you... only showed up after you entered Happy Tree, correct?

_[There is approximately 5 seconds of silence.]_

**F:** Maybe... Maybe.

 **AP:** What is he like?

 **F:** He feeds off destruction. He doesn't discriminate – mostly. He takes everything I learned in combat and... refines it. He loves to kill, and do it painfully. He's everything I'm not... or at least everything I don't want to be.

 **AP:** A killer?

 **F:** A wilful killer. I've heard stories from people, and I got to see it for myself. The fact that it's me, but at the same time, not me... that I'm harbouring this "other me" that can be set off at any time... it's hell.

 **AP:** Feel free to refrain from answering, but... how has this... alternate personality... affected your life?

 **F:** Aside from the obvious? ...I'm living and dying every day just being afraid. It could be the next loud noise, the next ketchup spill... I don't even want to look at myself in the mirror 'cause he might be there leering back at me. And getting treatment is pointless. You just die again and everything gets reset to what it was before. It's an endless cycle...  _[The interviewee's head is lowered.]_

 **AP:** Has it affected your ability to form relationships at all?

 **F:** _[The interviewee looks up.]_ What kind of relationships?

 **AP:** Oh, uh... any kind of interpersonal relationship really. Friendship, acquaintances, people you do activities with... anything.

 **F:** Hmmm. Well... I can't say I really attract people. In any respect. If anything, I've driven people away. I've gained a reputation around here... for obvious reasons. Most people avoid looking me in the eyes on the street... sometimes they cross the road to avoid me. I got used to it after about 5 years. I live on my own in a really big house. By all accounts, I'm a complete loner.

 **AP:** But are you?

 **F:** I... I don't think I am, really. There is this small circle of people I guess I could call my... friends. They're all younger than me by a fair amount, but they've stuck by me for years. Even after all the horrible things I've done to them, even after all of the lives I've taken from them... they'll come right back with smiles on their faces. They tell me what I do to them, and it crushes my soul. But they forgive... they always forgive.  
I remember the first time I met any of them – Cuddles, Giggles and Flaky. I ruined their campfire party... let's just leave it at that. I came to, marshmallows in my hand, I saw what was left of them. I threw up. I ran. I cried. They ran into me back in town a week or two later... and it was like nothing had happened. They were still happy to see me, and though I apologised and told them that they should stay away from me, they told me that I was a nice person at heart and deserved better. I guess they saw something in me that everyone else in the county didn't. And... I'm grateful for that.

 **AP:** Have you been able to maintain any... romantic relationships?

 **F:** _[Sighs]_ I tried, once. With Giggles. Pretty soon after I met her... this was before she got with Cuddles. We dated for a while, but I killed her a few times after things set me off... so I broke it off with her before I could hurt her any more. Certain people told me she's a hussy for dating Russell as well, but I thought she was a nice enough girl. Just needed to find what she wanted, which it turned out was Cuddles all along. She deserved better than me. Any girl deserves better than me with what I do.

 **AP:** Has there ever been advances made towards you?

_[There is approximately 4 seconds of silence.]_

**F:**...Yes and no. I'm not sure what her deal is, but Flaky is... much, much nicer to me than anyone else is. Like, everyone's nice to me, but she's a few levels up. She'll always call me on the phone and chat about nothing, when we meet in person she's always shy and bashful... well, more so than she usually is, anyway. She even organised a party for me... which, once again, I ruined. Baked the cake and everything. Of course, there was the time when she stabbed me in the eye after picking me up on the road, but I could understand where she was coming from with that. And she was so torn up about that herself.  
All up... I get the feeling she likes me in spite of her fear. But after Giggles, I'm not sure I want to go back into such a commitment with somebody. Then again, Flaky's told me that the last few times I've turned and she's been in the room, I haven't touched her. So, I don't know... maybe that's my subconscious trying to tell me something. I don't know.  
Sorry. That probably sounded really confusing.

 **AP:** That's okay – it's an answer. I guess... a final question would be... what are your thoughts on your illness? And how much can be done about it?

 **F:** I've never really thought about it. It really troubles me. ...Every single day I want to leave this place... get treatment. Proper treatment. Either that, or... not come back the next time I die... but I won't go too deep into that. I can't do anything about any of my issues – I just try and live day to day and hope that my friends can avoid my demons. There's still one thing I don't get though...

 **AP:** What's that?

 **F:**...Just  _why_  this side of me surfaces so...  _regularly_  in Happy Tree. Like I said before, when I was still on the outside, it was milder. It's almost like there's something that... shaped it and influenced it, outside of my awareness or control. Why is it manifesting itself more violently in Happy Tree? … I don't know. I've been forced to accept where I am and what my situation is, but that's still a door that hasn't shut.

 **AP:** Well... as with every other interview, we hope that the information we gain can help you. Investigations are still continuing on the governmental side of things, as far as I know. The question is, where to start and what to do with the information we get.

 **F:** Understood. Thank you.

 **AP:** No problem at all. Well, I think that's time-

 **[REDACTED]:** Excuse me, Mr. Grizzle and Mr. Roebuck.

_[All present in the interview booth turn to the national side door. Two individuals enter the booth, wearing suits and sunglasses.]_

**AP:** What- who the hell are you?

 **[REDACTED]:** I am [REDACTED], and this is [REDACTED]. We are agents of the Acornian Investigation Bureau. Here are our badges.

 **AP:** The AIB? What have we done? These interviews are being conducted with the full co-operation of the Acornian government-

 **[REDACTED]:** Yes, we are aware of that, Mr. Grizzle. And we thank you, Mr. Roebuck and Acorn Press for your services. Now if you want that co-operation to continue, we advise that you and Mr. Roebuck turn off your recording equipment and leave the booth. We have our own questions we would like to ask Corporal Phillips.

_[AP looks off-screen, then to the interviewee, then to the agents. There is approximately 5 seconds of silence.]_

_[The agents motion towards the national side door.]_

**AP:** _[Sighs]_ Alright, alright – I'm sorry, Flippy. Mal, turn the equipment off.

 **F:** Wait, what's going-

**[RECORDING END]**   
  


* * *

  
They didn't ask any questions

All me and Mal heard was this evil deep twisted laughter. Demonic. Resonated through the air. Shouting. Scuffles. A table being broken in two?  _[Unintelligible]_

Then gunshots

then silence

we just kept driving.

_[Unintelligible]_

Received a memo at HQ when we got there that we weren't to enter the booth for 24 hours. Tim told me that we weren't to talk about it

this might be important later on. I don't know. Can't let anyone see this

_-Found scribbled on a piece of paper in the drawers of Joe Grizzle's desk at Acorn Press headquarters. Date unknown._   
  


* * *

  
Dear diary,

It happened again. I heard Mom before I woke up in the hospital. Her voice was wordless. I couldn't make out if she said anything I could understand. All I could hear was her voice, I know it's hers. And she was calling out to me. Like she wants me to come with her. And then, when it felt like I was almost with her, everything went black again, and I woke up.

Now normally this wouldn't be an issue. It'd just be a weird recurring dream. But the girls told me just last night that they didn't dream when they were killed.

Not only that... but Mom died before I got stuck in Happy Tree. 10 years ago now.

I don't know who I should talk to. Or whether I should talk to anyone. Is it just me? What do I do?

_-Extract from the diary of "Petunia", dated Wednesday May 27. There are visible tear stains on the paper._


	6. Connections

##  **A LIVING RELIC**

###  **Happy Tree's Real Pirate Talks**

Acorn Press continues to impress as yet more information comes to light about the people of Happy Tree, not least one "Russell" – an otter pirate who was lost to Happy Tree only a few years after it disappeared. Resplendent in a striped shirt and black hat with the Jolly Roger in full view, and a violent past exposed by his eyepatch, hook-hand and  _two_  peg legs, the otter – who, despite having existed for over 260 years, does not look a day over 20 – sat down with us to tell his story. As seen in Acorn Press' interview with the swashbuckling pirate, his jovial nature and almost stereotypical yarr-me-mateys accent conceals a troubled existence and some interesting perpectives on the modern world.

Speaking of the modern world – how does it compare to the age of sails and cutlasses and bullion?

"Ha-harr... I've been asked this question before by others in Happy Tree," Russell says with a knowing grin. "They expect me to wax lyrical about how my time was better an' all, an' how soulless today's world is. So they be mighty shocked when I say that today be better in many ways. These, uh...  _motion pictures_ people go to the theatres for, they – what be the word – romanticise my era, makin' it out to be a life of adventure an' fun. An' in some ways, it was... but they don't show everythin' else. Not the weeks at sea with nothin' but rum an' fish an' salt beef to live on. Not the stink o' the ship before pullin' into port. Not the long time without contact with certain mateys – ye could go months without hearin' from somebody. Not the great distances to travel fer a doctor if ye got hurt too bad. If I get meself hurt badly, I can just jump in me automobile and head straight fer the nearest hospital! …Granted the last time I did that didn't work out too well fer me, but it be nice knowin' it's there."

And what of the world at large? The politics, the changes in society? After truly seeing how differently we live for the first time, Russell admitted he was astounded.

"Arr, but one o' the biggest surprises was there bein' a couple o' new countries to contend with," The pirate says. "Bein' from near Nordfrezia, I remember it as bein' a huge place... almost as big as Acornia... but arr, I just learned 'twas cleaved nearly in half decades ago! What was it, Petrosta... Petrasilestan, that's it. What a name for a rocky, barren land."

Russell is relieved, however, to find that Petrasilestan's secession from Nordfrezia was peaceful, though he still displays a little intrigue at it. He goes on to talk about the most mysterious country on our continent, with a tragically bright past – formerly the Kingdom of Tigris, now known as the People's Tiger Republic.

"I learned o' the Tiger Republic from me acquaintance Flippy in one o' his, arr...  _calmer_  moments. The regime, the war. Such a shame, that place. I remember visitin' the ports o' that country on spice voyages. It was a rich an' exotic kingdom in my time, a regal an' prosperous an' happy place. When did the establishment walk the plank?"

Upon being told that the PTR's regime took over nearly sixty years ago, the pirate responds, "Well... slash me sails. There be people who have led full lives not seein' what that place was like. And their borders are closed, y'say?" He shakes his head. "What a shame... what a shame."

To close off the limited time we had with this living museum piece, we asked Russell the Otter Pirate for one piece of advice he would give to the people of today.

"Enjoy the time ye be livin' in... an' look upon the past fondly, fer that's where yer memories lie," he says slowly, after much deliberation. "But, at the same time – don't be afraid o' the future. Things can be snatched away from ye in the blink of an eye. Learn to embrace what may be comin'. I know I've had to."

A window into the past, indeed – but arguably just as much a window into the present. Food for thought.

_-Condensed version of article from the front page of the Plateau Post, May 28._   
  


* * *

  
"It's okay, honey."

"No, it's not, Handy..."

"Well... yeah, of course it's not okay. But... you get what I mean. Right?"

No verbal answer came from Petunia. She shifted her position slightly, and Handy felt her grip on him tighten slightly. He silently accepted that it was probably the best answer he could get at the time.

The couple were laying together on Petunia's bed – the sheets unmade, quite uncharacteristic for the blue skunk. Handy, sans his handyman attire, laid on his back with his arm around his girlfriend, trying to stroke her head with his bandaged forearm as best he could. Petunia held onto him, laying her head on his chest – his fur damp from her tears. Her large, bushy tail was draped across them both, acting as a blanket of sorts. Though Handy felt bad about it, he'd have been lying if he said he didn't like the feeling of the girl he loved holding on to him in a time of upheaval. It gave him a strange sense of validation knowing that she derived comfort from his touch, and it felt slightly wrong – but then he thought that surely, she must feel the same when he would rest his head on her shoulder after a hard work week.

Petunia's reasons for needing Handy's comfort at this time, however, were somewhat more disturbing.

He had received the phone call shortly after breakfast. He had answered, only to hear Petunia struggling to get words out – only now, he realised, was she struggling to keep herself from crying – followed by a simple statement delivered in a quavering voice: "Handy... I... I need y-you to come over." And then, the click of the phone being hung up. The beaver had cancelled his jobs for that morning and made his way over to Petunia's house, greeted by an emotional wreck and the revelation of a dream she had on two occasions... while she was dead.

Any questions Handy asked about the dream – the vision? – were only answered by increasingly hysterical utterances of "I don't know". The two had then given up on trying to talk it out and had simply collapsed on Petunia's bed together. And there they remained, about an hour later.

"I don't know what I can do," Handy said quietly. "And I don't know who you can go to who would know... I'm sorry, Petunia."

The skunk looked up at him, eyes glazed over. "It's alright. I just... don't know what this means. I was happy that we returned... I was when it happened. But now, I'm not so sure. I feel like something terrible is going to happen, Handy."

"Well, I hope that feeling stays just that... a feeling," the beaver replied. "Maybe you should go over and see Giggles or something – take your mind off it-"

The phone rang from in the kitchen. The couple jumped at the sudden ringing, and paused, wondering what to do.

After a few seconds, Handy spoke up: "...I-I'll get it for you if you want. Stay here."

With a nod and a smile from Petunia, he slipped out of her arms, jumped up from the bed and strode down the hall to answer the call.

When he got to the ringing telephone, he attempted to pick up the receiver – but once again realised that he had no hands to grasp it with. Growling, he attempted to pick up the receiver between his stubs, but fumbled and dropped it on the kitchen bench with a clatter.

"Fuckin' God dammit, why do I never think this shit through..." he muttered to himself, as a voice could be faintly heard through the receiver, repeating: "Hello? ...Hello?"

Handy frantically searched for the 'speaker' button and promptly pressed it with one nub, allowing the voice to be heard loud and clear. "Uh, hi, hey, hello," he said. "Uh, who's speaking?"

"This is Joe Grizzle from Acorn Press. Is... is that you, Handy?"

"Oh, hey there Joe, how ya doin'? And, uh... how are you calling us?"

"Oh, well... after...  _something_  that happened yesterday... I could be better," Joe replied hesitantly. "But I'm alright. Uh, the technicians managed to connect the first telephone wires linking Happy Tree to the rest of Acornia this morning. Pretty exciting. They'll connect more soon, but we just have this limited access for now. But, um... isn't this Petunia's number?"

Handy paused. "Uh... yeah, it is. I'm just over at hers. Why?"

Petunia slowly emerged from the hall as Joe's tinny voice continued to emanate from the speaker.

"Well, she had her interview for my investigation scheduled for today. It's meant to start in about ten minutes and she isn't here, so I was just wondering where she was."

Petunia gasped in shock at the fact that she had forgotten. She made to walk over and start speaking, but Handy silently waved a stump at her and shook his head. He answered for her. "Uh... I don't think she'll be able to do it. That's why I'm here. There's been a... problem. A personal problem."

"Oh," came the reply from Joe. "Well, we can always reschedule, that's no problem. I have other tasks I can take care of today instead. I'll give you my number and she can call me when she's ready."

Joe recited the number and Petunia scribbled it down on a nearby pad.

"Okay, uh, thanks Joe," said Handy. "But what are you gonna do instead?"

"I think I might go down to the second connection site for the phone lines. Get some words from the people working on that, and do up a story for tomorrow's edition."

"I can meet ya down there!" Handy offered. "You did want to talk to me again, right? Knowing Sniffles, he might be down there too. You can have a chat to him!"

"Okay then, brilliant!" Joe replied. "I'll see you there after lunch. It's at the road border with Daisy River County. Bit of a drive, but not too far. See you there, Handy."

"Alrighty then, see ya."

And with that, a click was heard, and beeps came from the speaker indicating that Joe had hung up. Petunia picked up the receiver and placed it back on the holder, and looked towards Handy.

"Thank you."

"Hey, don't mention it," Handy said quietly, placing a stump on his girlfriend's shoulder. "Figured I'd try to help you out in some way."

Petunia took Handy's stumps in her hands, leaned in, and gave him a kiss. The two warmly smiled at each other.

"So... we got, like, three hours to kill," Handy observed. "What do you wanna do now?"

Petunia began to lead him back to her room.

"I'm tired... let's go back to bed for a bit."

"Sounds good to me."  
  


* * *

 __  
The following is a transcript of a field audio recording by Joe Grizzle for Acorn Press, at the Happy Tree and Daisy River County borders, on Thursday May 28. Important events are noted where appropriate.  
  


* * *

**  
[RECORDING START]**

**ACORN PRESS:** -Joe Grizzle, on the scene for Acorn Press... I'm here at the county boundary where they're erecting the second set of telephone lines, and I see a familiar face already! Handy, over here!

 **HANDY:** Joe! How ya doin' man? This  _is_  pretty exciting, isn't it?

 **AP:** Yeah, I told you so on the phone this morning. Impressive to see how co-ordinated everyone is despite the people on both sides not being able to work directly with each other.

 **H:** Huh, yeah. 'Specially impressive knowing that frickin' Lumpy of all people is leading the Happy Tree team. Uh, he's the blue moose shouting at everybody.

 **AP:** Lumpy, huh? What's wrong with him?

 **H:** He's... not too bright. Which wouldn't be so bad if he was harmless... but he isn't. That's all I'm gonna say about that.

 **AP:** Fair enough.

 **H:** And, uh, Sniffles is the anteater in the hard hat with the clipboard. Looks like he's taking notes or something. I'll call him over when you're ready. Anyway. We're talking again – was there anything you wanted to ask me?

 **AP:** Yes, actually – the differing levels of technology in Happy Tree seem apparent to me, especially now that I'm here and seeing all these cars from different eras parked across the border. What's the transport situation like here?

 **H:** Well, that's fair to say that the variation in tech is a bit schizo. Uh, don't tell Lammy I said that. But, uh, it's true, we're all over the place. Most new tech is brought in by new arrivals... cars for example. We got so many different models and nowhere to source parts – until now anyway. But that's basically meant that when I or some other handy-person is needed to fix a car, we have to get new parts fabricated in Happy Tree... and with no blueprints, that means the parts are inconsistent... which means they fail very easily... I think you can see where I'm going with this.

 **AP:** Yes, that's a slightly worrying fact.

 **H:** You're tellin' me. And don't even get me started on the trains. The whole transport situation here is a bit screwed. Not only do you have inconsistent reliability, you have the constant death n' destruction thing on top of that. You're taking a gamble every time you get in a car, a bus or a train carriage.

 **AP:** I see. I'm also curious as to whether there are plans to get Happy Tree online with the national mobile networks. Do you know anything about that?

 **H:** Well, I had a chat to a couple of the guys while they were on break. They said that the work's focused on getting landline phone and modern internet connections up and running, and then they'll try and get a tower in to handle mobile data. So, things are looking up on that front – maybe we'll start getting those, uh, smarty-phone thingys that you guys have.  _[There is a pause.]_ Hmmm... since I talked with those guys, Lumpy's been looking at me funny. He probably thinks I'm on the team-

 **LUMPY:** Hey, Handy! We need an extra hand! Or, stump, or whatever. Just get over here!

 **H:** Oh, here we go... Lumpy, I'm not working on this, I just stopped by to-

 **L:** No excuses. We need a guy up the top of this post, stat! I didn't hire you to stand around and chat to reporters!

 **H:**...You didn't hire me full stop, antlers-for-brains! Oh, fuck it – you know what, never mind, I'll help you. Where the hell is Sniffles? Uh, hey, Sniffles, over here!

 **SNIFFLES:** Oh, hello Handy – what seems to be the problem?

 **H:** I gotta go and endanger myself for that dumbass moose again. Uh, this is Joe, the Acorn Press guy.

 **S:** Ah!

 **H:** Yeah, I told him about you in my interview and he really wanted to meet you. So, get chatting! I'll see you guys in a few minutes.

 **AP:** Uh... well then, you must be Sniffles.

 **S:** That I am, sir! Pleased to meet you.

 **AP:** Likewise. So... tell me a bit about what you're doing here on this project.

 **S:** Oh, well... I'm not really working on this project in particular,  _per se_. I'm merely hanging around and taking down observations to test my little hypothesis about this Happy Tree Anomaly of ours.

 **AP:** Happy Tree Anomaly?

 **S:** My own little term. Ha-ha! Essentially, the fact that I and everyone else on this side of the border cannot leave the county. I'm noticing some curiosities about it.

 **AP:** I see. And what does this hypothesis of yours about this... anomaly... have to do with the landline network connections?

 **S:** These sites where the Acornian national network connect to Happy Tree are vital to my investigation. What I've found especially interesting, is that the telephone lines across the border even work in the first place. Combining this with other observations, I've formulated a little theory.

 **AP:** Oh?

 **S:** Yes. The ROVs crossing the border on Monday were the first suggestion of some holes in our former understanding of this anomaly – they could still be remotely operated once they were over the line, but could not physically return. The radio signals being sent to the robots were obviously being beamed right back across the border, seeing as the video feeds still worked without error. And the fact that we are now able to use telephones to talk with you people on the outside suggests that electrons, electric current carriers, can cross the border freely as well.

 **AP:** So, in a nutshell?

 **S:** In a nutshell, living things – and objects and substances with solid mass – are what seem to be affected by this anomaly. Forms of energy, in other words, radiation, communications, electricity – sound waves as well, considering I can talk back to you... are not.

 **AP:** Interesting... very interesting.

 **S:** Oh, but then you have to consider that the air molecules carrying the sound waves are physical and have mass... Hmph. Look, I will admit... it's not particularly good science. There's still no explanation as to what causes this set of circumstances. But on the surface, the theory checks out. That explanation is what we really need now. Some of my more superstitious acquaintances have said that it can't be explained with science, but I prefer to exhaust all other avenues before considering more... metaphysical options. Ha-ha!

 **AP:** Hah, right. Well, thank you for that insight, Sniffles. This will make for some great reading.

 **S:** My pleasure!

 **AP:** Listen, uh... do you want to do a proper interview at some point? Perhaps talk about yourself a bit more, get your story out?

 **S:** Uh... Oh! Um... Well, I suppose so. I mean... I don't really have much to say about myself... and my story isn't what I'd call "interesting"...

 **AP:** Don't worry, you'll be fine! Look, I'll give you my number, and you can call me when you're ready so we can organise a date and time. I have more scheduled over the next few weeks so there's no rush. I'm interested to hear more about your "giant experiment" theory that Handy told me about.

 **S:**...Oh, that? Ha-ha, that was just me thinking out loud. I still have some unfinished thoughts about it though... so when I've had time to develop some more of that theory, I'll let you know. Either way, I must get back to work...

 **AP:** As must I. Good chat, Sniffles. You too, Handy – if you can hear me from up there!

 **H:** Oh, yeah... uh, see ya Joe – we'll talk lateraaaAAAGH!

 **S:** Handy!

_[A thump is heard, along with a crack and a squelch.]_

_[There are shouts from both sides of the border.]_

**AP:** Oh, Jesus Christ, Handy-

**[RECORDING END]**   
  


* * *

  
Entry #1: May 28

Told Giggles that I was just going out skating for a bit this morning. She sorta didn't want me to – she told me not to hurt myself... Heh, couldn't promise her that. Death is everywhere here. Going out skating wouldn't make a difference whether I died today or tomorrow or next week. When you can get killed by just sitting on a park bench (like she did the other night, actually) what's the use in trying to be careful? At least that's what I tell Flaky. But  _she_  never listens...

Anyway I'm getting off track. I'd rather have Giggles tell me off for putting myself in danger than have her laugh at me for doing what I actually did...

And that was go to the library.

Okay, she probably wouldn't laugh at me. If anything she'd probably like it if her man Cuddles was well-read in anything other than comics. But she'd be asking questions about why I was there... and I don't want that. These first citizens of Happy Tree – since the interviews started and I've seen what the others have to say, I've realised there's something... off... about them, and I don't want word of what I'm doing getting out until I have the right kind of info.

So anyway, I jumped off my skateboard at the base of the library steps, and tried to act as casual as I could opening the doors and going in. Toothy was on duty as the librarian today – he said to me as I walked past: "Oh, hey, Cuddles! Nice to see you today! Uh – what are you doing here?"

I panicked for like a fraction of a second, but then Toothy added, "Checking out the new comics section?" Phew. I said yeah, and he told me where it was... I headed off that way, but when I made sure he wasn't looking, I went straight for the newspaper archives.

I found what I was looking for after a bit of leafing through the file drawers. Photocopies of newspapers dated from before this city disappeared. If the first citizens won't talk about why Happy Tree disappeared in the first place, like Russell's told us and Acorn Press... maybe some clues can be found in the papers from their time.

There was one that stood out for me, dated about a year before the city disappeared. I sneakily went and made my own photocopy of the paper, which I folded up and tucked into my slipper. I decided to borrow a comic to cover anything up about what I was doing... plus I haven't read the Martian issue of Splendid's Space Adventures yet. I should actually go back, the comics section is nicely stocked.

Either way, here's the article.

_**THE HAPPY TREE EXAMINER** _

_**February 15, 1760** _

_**Outgoing Mayor Foresees Bright Future for Happy Tree** _

_Resplendent in his Sunday best, Happy Tree Mayor Bartholomew Sprucebark exuded a great positivity, and the very same charisma that brought him to said position, at a farewell dinner party organised in light of the end of the marmot's term as the mayor of the town of Happy Tree._

_Present among the esteemed guests were Isambard Oakton and his wife Isabel, as well as many of the other land-owners in Happy Tree County; members of the Happy Tree County council; Anteater inventor Giles Wickenbranch, whose curious steam-powered engine has tripled productivity in the mines at Glacier Falls; Thaddeus Antlerstorven, foreman of the Happy Tree docks; members of the press; and various farmers from around the county who have contributed to the local economy._

_Before sitting down to dinner, all around the long table were invited to share stories of Mayor Sprucebark's time at the helm of Happy Tree. Many shared jokes; some expressed thanks for the mayor's use of their crops and patronage to their businesses; and still more thanked the mayor for his support of new industries and ideas, summing him up as a forward-thinking marmot whose time as mayor would be sorely missed – but at the same time, acknowledging that what he had set in motion would continue well past his tenure._

_The mayor himself was then invited to say a few words:_

" _My only wish is that whomever succeeds me as mayor of this great town continues the work that I have started and embraces the future. Rumours abound here, and abroad, of new and wondrous technologies and medical advances that will make our lives longer and more fulfilling," Mayor Sprucebark was heard to say, raising his glass. "Happy Tree has joined the incoming rise of industry and manufacturing – largely thanks to our good friend Mister Wickenbranch here; I now urge the next mayor – and all the rest of you seated here tonight – to join and lead the Medical Revolution!"_

_Mayor Sprucebark then raised his glass higher, and proclaimed a toast: "To the future!"_

" _To the future!" all present repeated, raising their glasses._

" _To longer, happier lives!"_

" _To longer, happier lives!" came the response._

" _And to you, sir!" Mister Oakton exclaimed with a cordial grin._

" _To you, sir!"_

_As glasses were clinked, applause was heard, drinks were quaffed and fine food eaten, all present seemed full of optimism. A testament to the state of this wonderful town of ours._

So... there you go. There's a few things in that article that are suspicious to me. One, that everybody was so... happy. I mean, we can still be happy here now... even with all the death and destruction... but these guys were next level happy. They seemed so excited.

The next is the names. I read the transcript of Russell's interview in one of the Acorn Press papers handed to us at the border the other day, and Isambard, Isabel and Thaddeus are names that come up there too. These guys weren't exactly working class.

The third... is the mayor. Not so much who he was, but the fact that they had a mayor at all. Ever since I ended up stuck here, I've known that Happy Tree has no mayor, we share the load of doing everything and decide together what to do... most of us, anyway. And if they ran this place like a normal town until it disappeared, fine. But what happened to the position of mayor? And why did they end up canning it?

Well, that's all I got for now. I guess the next step is to find out more about these original citizens. But I can't just go to them and grill them. I'll have to be more... covert than that.

And if anyone ends up reading this and wonders why I'm writing it all down like some kinda report thing... yeah, I know I could just keep a case file with the evidence and nothing else. I could be ego-tripping, I know I'm a sucker for that stuff. Giggles knows better than anyone. But to me, this feels like the interviews opportunity in a way. I get this feeling that I need to record everything that's happening – this is like the biggest event that's ever happened in the history of everything. If anything comes of this... investigation... I'm doing, I want people in here and on the outside to see what was going on as I figured it out.

And I kinda feel like one of those movie detectives doing it too.

Anyway, till next time.

_-Extract from the 'case files' of "Cuddles"._


	7. Lammy

###  **Happy Tree: A Well That Never Dries?**

 

To say that the recent return of Happy Tree has rocked the boat is an understatement.

The disappearance and reappearance centuries later of an entire city and surrounding county is already a staggering occurrence that beggars belief. But since Acorn Press' ongoing series of interviews has begun with a group of Happy Tree citizens, more mysteries have come to light about this enigmatic place that even Acornia's experts in physics, economics and geology are struggling to unravel.

Of particular note is the circumstances described by one "Handy" in his interview. The amputee beaver dropped the disturbing implication that natural resources within the county are constantly replenished and never run out. It seems an obvious fact in retrospect – how else could Happy Tree have expanded and modernised the way it has, if not for endless resources? The rest of Acornia is on the verge of a resource crisis as oil and coal supplies dwindle, yet from reports, Happy Tree enjoys almost excessive coal and oil usage with no end in sight.

The reasons for this are not immediately apparent, as is the case with almost everything about Happy Tree. For now, until more information comes to light, everything concerning this city and its surrounds simply  _is_ , and defies rational explanation. But that has not stopped the people of Acornia, scientists, conspiracy theorists and everymen alike, from attempting to make sense of it.

Quick-acting natural formation? Impossible – even the most crackpot conspiracy theorists have dismissed this. Something pushing coal and oil up from underground? It has a little more believability to it, but it does not explain the fact that the resources are not running out. And as some oil fields and coal veins have been found to extend into Happy Tree from surrounding counties, they would have to have exhibited abnormal behaviour as well – but they have not.

One of the more outlandish theories making the rounds on the internet is that the entire population of Happy Tree is being drugged into thinking that resources are replenished, when really their minds are being wiped of the memories of resource amounts from the previous day. Assuming some credence is lent to this theory – which already has many holes in it – further questions are still raised. Who would drug the entire population of a county, and for what purpose? And who would have the time or resources to do such a thing?

This is still not taking into account the fact that the county disappeared for 250 years, or that much of the population consists of people that went missing in the area, or that death is a routine occurrence from which there is a return; all mysteries equal to the resources problem, if not greater.

Whatever is going on behind those county borders, it is likely that it has something to do with why the county disappeared – and everything may tie in to what speculators are calling the  **Post-Death Regeneration Anomaly**. There is talk of potentially seeing this in action, as rumours abound of Acornian government agencies organising to pass surveillance equipment to capable hands within Happy Tree. Answers may be forthcoming, but will we like what we see?

_-Condensed version of article from the Sunflower Hollow Journal, June 1._   
  


* * *

**  
REPORTING ON THE REPORTER**

Giggles, Handy, Flippy, Russell – all names that have become known nationwide, let alone around the entire continent of Arboradia – for their eye-opening interviews over the last few weeks. But what of the person interviewing them, whose celebrity is starting to match that of those he has spoken to?

"It's definitely thrown me for a loop," Joe Grizzle tells us over a takeaway coffee from a roadside diner in Daisy River Central. "Mal and I were the last to expect the revelations behind Happy Tree, and to have the privilege of bringing something as sensational as that to the world is something that I never even dreamt of."

We sat down with the reporter from Acorn Press on Tuesday to discuss the national newspaper's venture – interviewing citizens of Happy Tree to gain some insight into the place and its people – and the fame that it has granted this seasoned bear and his assistant and recordist, deer Mal Roebuck. But Grizzle quotes a different name often in his conversation with us, on a day that was filled with speaking engagements, press conferences and planning the future of the "Happy Tree Interviews".

"It was Tim's idea, mainly," the reporter says as he sips from the paper cup. "Tim Kernelstein. Very professional squirrel – fastidious and a little fervent and rushed, but he knows how to get the job done, and he's a real ideas guy as well. Once he got government approval, it was just a case of writing some questions and turning up on my end. Of course, I never got to ask many of those original questions once Giggles dropped the bombshells she did!"

The conversation turns to money, writing and the reasoning behind Acorn Press' pursuing of the now-famous interviews.

"Well, nobody can say it hasn't helped out Acorn Press in the old print versus digital battle. We think the two mediums can co-exist, but of course our numbers were dwindling before Happy Tree came back," says Grizzle. "And Tim's a smart guy – he knows that there's an advantage to be had by presenting the personal sides of a big event like this. But the empathy we feel for the people of Happy Tree is genuine. Especially after the discoveries of what really happens there. They even gave it a name, the Post-Death Regeneration Anomaly or something. It's kind of transformed for me, from being a regular interview engagement, to being this crusade to try and bring the stories of these people to the world... so that more people might see it and try to help them."

And what does Joe Grizzle, the intrepid reporter, think of his newfound celebrity, as one of the faces of Happy Tree's return?

"I find it interesting and a little surreal that the public wants to know about me and Mal just as much as the Happy Tree interviewees," Grizzle muses while we walk to his car. "I keep telling people 'no, don't focus on me, focus on  _them_ , the people we're trying to help,' but I guess you can't stop people being interested in you when you're performing a duty like this. It's almost funny – we're starting to have people gather by the interview booth to catch a glimpse of an interviewee... or even us, myself and Mal, I mean. Certainly, this has become a media sensation in more ways than one."

Some uncertainties still remain, however. The interview with "Flippy", revealed to be the legendary Corporal Phillips of the Tiger War, has had some rumours circling around it of extra Acornian government involvement. Can Grizzle comment?

We see a split-second flash of worry on his face, but it quickly returns to normal. "I can't comment on that, I'm afraid," he says with a wink. "Classified information."

That's a no, then. As Joe Grizzle slides into the car and pulls away, off to his next engagement in what has become a very busy life in the public eye, we can't help but wonder – as more is revealed about life in Happy Tree, and more government involvement may be needed, will there be a point where this reporter goes too deep?

_-Condensed version of article from news industry blog MediaMind, June 3._   
  


* * *

__  
The following is a transcript of an interview conducted on audio and video between Joe Grizzle of Acorn Press, and "Lammy", a citizen of Happy Tree, on Monday June 8 for Acorn Press' publication "The Happy Tree Interviews". Important visual and audio events are noted where appropriate.  
  


* * *

 **  
MAL ROEBUCK:** -kay, uh, Joe – I'm starting the recording early-

 **ACORN PRESS:** Why's that?

 **MR:** I just realised I left my laptop in the car, and with the crowd forming out there, I don't wanna risk it getting stolen. Important files, the interview scheduling, contact emails, private info... too much stuff there that we don't want getting out. If the crowds weren't there it wouldn't be an issue, but the interviewee is almost here and I figured you shouldn't be kept waiting.

 **AP:** Fair enough, I guess. Alright, go on.

 **MR:** I'll be right back.

_[MR leaves the booth.]_

**AP:** _[To self]_ So surreal... we're almost becoming celebrities in our own right.

_[There is approximately 10 seconds of silence.]_

_[The Happy Tree side door opens.]_

_[The interviewee enters the interview booth.]_

**LAMMY:** Uh... Hello.

 **AP:** Afternoon. You must be Lammy?

 **L:** Y-yes. Um... Is it... is it okay if Mr. Pickels comes in too?  _[The interviewee holds up a pickled cucumber.]_ He's okay with just sitting by the door.

_[There is approximately 5 seconds of silence.]_

**AP:** Uh... I guess so? Yeah, no problem.

_[The interviewee places the pickle by the door, leaning up against the wall. As she walks to the interview desk, the interviewee smiles and nods at the pickle.]_

_[The interviewee sits at the interview desk.]_

**L:** Thank you.

 **AP:** No, uh... no problem at all. Um – I guess we can get started right now if you want.

 **L:** Yeah, that's fine.

 **AP:** Okay, uh, my name is Joe Grizzle, conducting this interview for Acorn Press. Mal Roebuck is, uh, not present at this time-

_[MR re-enters the booth.]_

**AP:** -And now he is. We state once again that we are conducting these interviews with the full co-operation of the government of Acornia. I am on the national side of this interview booth, and our interviewee is on the Happy Tree side. Local time is twelve-thirty p.m. on Monday, June the eighth.

So – what is your name, age etcetera?

 **L:** Lammy. My name's Lammy. I'm... seventeen years old, almost eighteen.

 **AP:** Now, I can already hear that there's a slight foreign lilt in your accent. You're not from Acornia, are you, Lammy?

 **L:** Oh – no, no I'm not. I was born in Nordfrezia... the southern region, where all the green hills and rolling meadows are. I remember the sky always being cloudy, and the grass always being a little damp. My name comes from "La-mie," which is Nordfrezian for "my daughter"... it's what my parents always called me. I've forgotten what my actual name was.

 **AP:** I have to say, you speak Acornian very well for somebody so young.

 **L:** Oh, thank you! At the school I went to, it was taught from kindergarten onwards. I've been speaking Acornian and Nordfrezian almost my whole life.

 **AP:** Very interesting... so, considering that you're from another country entirely – how did you end up in Acornia, let alone Happy Tree?

 **L:** Well, me and my brother and my parents moved to Acornia when I was about ten or eleven. My mother wanted a fresh start, and my father moved for work. Me and my brother were just along for the ride. It was nice – we settled down in Split Peak county up north, it reminded us of home. But it was kind of strange for me.

 **AP:** I can imagine – moving to a completely different country, no family, no friends...

 **L:** Oh, I had friends, lots of friends. But I got made fun of at the Acornian schools. Other kids kept laughing at me and telling me that my friends weren't real, even though I could see them just fine... they were right there. They even got me into trouble a few times – they would do something bad to school property or hit another kid or something like that, and I would get blamed for it. But other than that... we were happy and everything was okay for a few years, until...

_[There is approximately 5 seconds of silence.]_

**AP:** Until?

 **L:**...The baby.

_[There is approximately 6 seconds of silence.]_

**AP:** Wait, baby? A sibling or – oh. Oh, dear. I see...

 **L:** I met a guy. I fell in love. And we had no idea what we were doing... I had never been shown that kind of attention before, so I didn't know how slow to take it. Next thing I knew, I found out I was going to be a mother at sixteen.

 **AP:**...Sixteen?

 **L:** Yes. I wasn't ready for it, but I thought I was. About five months in... the boy I was with came to my house when my parents were out. He told me he didn't want to be a father... but I wanted to keep the baby... he got angry. Very angry. I told him we could just give it up for adoption, but he started yelling and he shoved-

_[The audio and video feed cuts out for 7 seconds.]_

**L:** -on to the floor and-

_[The audio and video feed cuts out for 8 seconds.]_

**L:** -hospital... and I found out that I didn't have a son any more. I didn't tell anyone it was him. I don't know why. I just said that I was jumped by some strangers.

_[There is approximately 7 seconds of silence.]_

**AP:** I'm sorry.

 **L:** I got better. Not quickly, but... I got better. It was at that hospital I first met Mr. Pickels. He came to me on a food tray and told me to stop crying, because he was here for me now. Told me that the people I loved were the ones who would hurt me the most... and he would protect me from them.

 **AP:**...And did he?

 **L:** Well, I told him about the boy... the father. And Mr. Pickels said that he would give him a good talking-to for hurting me...  
  


* * *

_**  
SPLIT PEAK COUNTY MENTAL REHABILITATION CLINIC** _

_**PATIENT RECORD no. 10-0416-05273-E** _

_NAME: Mouton, Lana_

_AGE: 16 years and 11 months (at time of admittance)_

_RACE: Sheep_

_NATIONALITY OF ORIGIN: Commonwealth of Nordfrezia_

_DATE ADMITTED: 2014-04-09_

_STATUS: Escaped, potentially at large_

_Patient admitted to Split Peak County Mental Rehabilitation Clinic after_

_\- incident(s) on 2014-02-15 and 2014-02-20  
_ _\- trial on 2014-03-18_

_Incident(s) consisted of_

_\- Incident 2014-02-15: One (1) count of assault on patient by one Troy Ovin, resulting in patient's admittance to Split Peak General Hospital, and death of [DATA EXPUNGED]._

_\- Incident 2014-02-20: Two (2) counts of murder by patient on Troy Ovin and patient's brother, one Adrien Mouton._

_Incident 2014-02-20 eventuated when patient forcefully escaped Split Peak General Hospital while in possession of Item 10-0416-05273-P, one (1) pickled cucumber, in the early hours of the morning. Patient's family were alerted, and Adrien Mouton began searching for the patient separate from the police._

_Police search ended 6 hours later at Troy Ovin's personal residence. Body of Adrien Mouton was discovered in front room of house with severe stab wounds. Patient, unconscious – with Item 10-0416-05273-P laying beside her – and body of Troy Ovin, were discovered in kitchen. Body of Troy Ovin sported severe [DATA EXPUNGED] wounds._

_Patient regained consciousness as police searched the house. When asked what happened, patient responded: "Mr. Pickels [sic] said he wanted to talk to Troy, so he did. Then my brother Adrien came in, and Mr. Pickels [sic] told him to go away... so he did. Is Adrien okay? Where is he?"_

_As patient was under the age of 18, and incapable of pleading insanity due to lack of awareness of her mental state, trial was abandoned and patient sent to SPCMRC Juvenile Division for observation, treatment and rehabilitation._

_Item 10-0416-05273-P was removed from patient's possession and destroyed._

_3 months and 13 days after being admitted to SPCMRC, patient was in the process of being transferred to a secondary site in the mountains for further therapy. The van transporting the patient was involved in a crash, and while personnel aboard the van were unconscious, patient fled. Van driver's lunchbox was found opened at the crash site, missing one (1) pickled cucumber, according to van driver's testimony._

_Patient has not been located since. Assume patient is at large and encourage sightings to be reported to police._   
  


* * *

**  
L:** We wandered into Glacier Falls up in the north, by the dam. And that was it.

 **AP:** And how long have you been here since then?

 **L:** Oh, I'm still new. At least... for a place like Happy Tree. About nine months.

 **AP:** Ah, that's interesting – you're the first interviewee to have not spent much time in Happy Tree. Comparatively, anyway. Given that getting trapped in this place carries with it... some other problems... how have you found it so far? How have you adapted to life in Happy Tree? To... everything that happens there?

 **L:** I guess you're talking about the whole death thing? Well... I've seen that some people get used to it eventually, and others don't. I might need some more time, but so far, I'm one of the people that haven't gotten used to it. I mean, I have a house, and a life here. I work and learn when I can – and when it suits Mr. Pickels. I guess it's as normal as I can get it here, but... it's hard to be desensitised to pain... and blood... and other horrible things. Especially when it happens because of something you caused.

 **AP:** What do you mean?

 **L:** Mr. Pickels... bless him, he's a good friend, and I know he's just looking out for me, but –  _[the interviewee looks down at the pickle next to her]_  – you have a bit of a jealous streak, don't you?

 **AP:** A jealous streak...

 **L:** He... doesn't like everyone I meet. He means well, but he's caused a bit more trouble than I'd like, and I've been blamed for it, naturally. He's gotten better in the last few weeks – actually, since we came back, he hasn't hurt anywhere near as many people as he used to. But he still tells me to be careful around people like Giggles, Petunia and Flaky... even though they're all really nice to me.

 **AP:** So, you could say it's a... complicated friendship.

 **L:** _[Laughs]_ Yes... I guess so, yes.

 **AP:** One more question before we finish. You, and... Mr. Pickels... how do you feel about this situation Happy Tree is in?

 **L:** The outside world is back... I went and visited a census station to get back in contact with my parents, even though Mr. Pickels told me not to. I'm happy that I can talk to them again, but then... the people in the white coats are out there too. I'm confused and lost... oh, but deep down, I want to get out. Of course I do. Everybody does... I don't think you'll find anyone in Happy Tree who's really... happy with being stuck here. We're all looking for ways to take our minds off hurting, and dying... and seeing our friends die.

Even when it ends in tears and blood, I feel better just playing on the monkey bars at a playground, or having a tea party. I guess out there, teenagers and grown-ups would be made fun of for doing those things. But here, we're all in the same boat... you can do whatever you like, act however you want, and nobody will judge you. At least, I don't think they do.

_[There is a pause.]_

**L:** I hope they don't. I believe they don't. And for me, that's good enough. I guess, in a place like this – in a situation like this – believing that something is true helps more than anything, even when it's not true at all. Your mind makes it real, because there isn't much else it can do.  _[The interviewee looks down at the pickle next to her.]_ Isn't that right, Mr. Pickels?

_[There is approximately 4 seconds of silence.]_

_[The interviewee giggles.]_

**AP:**...Right. Well, that's all the time we have. Uh, thank you, Lammy. I hope that you can find some peace, with... everything that's happened to you. I wouldn't go through what you've been through for the world.

 **L:** Thank you. I hope I can get back in contact with my parents soon, now that I've been to a census station.  _[The interviewee picks the pickle up from the desk. There is a pause.]_ Mr. Pickels says he likes you.

 **AP:** I'm, uh... I'm glad to hear.

_[The interviewee leaves the Happy tree side of the interview booth.]_

_[The door closes.]_

_[The interviewer pauses for approximately 4 seconds, looking at the interview desk, then turns to the recording station (off-screen) with a worried expression.]_

**AP:** Mal?

 **MR:** Yeah, Joe?

 **AP:**...How did the pickle end up on the desk?

 **MR:** What?

 **AP:** The pickle. When she got here, Lammy placed it against the wall by the door, but she just picked it up off the desk. How did it get there?

 **MR:** I... I don't know...

_[The interviewer stands up and begins walking off-screen.]_

**AP:** It moved. Somehow, it moved. Stop the recording, we need to check the footage and s-

**[RECORDING END]**   
  


* * *

  
Hey Tim,

We're sorry – the footage had a glitch. It was at a very crucial moment, as I'm sure you'll see when you view the footage. Unfortunately there's nothing we can do about it. I'm not going to fill in Lammy's missing words in the transcript – I feel a little sick just thinking about what she said. I feel it'd also be a gross invasion of her privacy and dignity.

Just keep an eye on the pickle. When the audio and video cut out, you can clearly see it in different positions both times the footage comes back. First in the middle of the floorspace, then next to Lammy on the desk. I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I have a feeling this is pretty substantial proof that we're dealing with something far more disturbing than even Happy Tree's constant violent death suggests. There's something here. Whether it's malevolent or not, I don't know.

Joe

_-Internal memo at Acorn Press headquarters, June 9._   
  


* * *

  
Well, news was beginning to get around about the new interviewees for Acorn Press' investigation. Lord, there was such a crowd when Lammy came out of the booth.

She started walking over to her car, looked over at us and waved all sheepishly – pun not intended. The photographers there began clicking away with their cameras, at this damaged young lady and her pickle that she held close to her. I had heard the rumour that she was mentally unwell, and I have to say I'm inclined to believe it after seeing her in person. And after seeing what happened next.

Two older-looking sheep came forward, calling after her. They weren't talking in Acornian – it sounded like they were speaking in Nordfrezian. "La-Mie," I heard them say a couple of times. She heard her native language and noticed them, and her face lit up. She ran over to them, saying "Madra! Pater!". Now I know enough to say for certain that that's Nordfrezian for "Mother, Father". Those were her parents.

She stopped just short of the county line and they immediately started chattering in Nordfrezian. I have very little idea of what was said exactly. But after a few minutes of talking, the mother asked a question – a very piercing one, it seemed, because right after, the smile slowly disappeared from the girl's face.

The girl seemed to ask a question in return, and the father held up what looked like a photograph. He then started talking faster, and more agitated, pointing a finger very forcefully at his daughter. Her mouth dropped open. She shook her head slowly and said "ney, ney," apparently Nordfrezian for "no, no."

The mother asked angrily, "Des ova morte du vous brozen?" And I had no idea what that meant at first, but a photographer next to me apparently knew, because he muttered a rough translation under his breath: "Then who killed your brother?"

The daughter frantically said something in retort, pointing at the pickle she was holding in her other hand. That earned an eye-roll from the father and a look of almost hateful disapproval from the mother.

The poor girl begged and pleaded with them, but it seemed that it was no use. They both hammered away at her in their native tongue as she grew silent. Her mouth was hanging open... this distant look of heartbreak and loss and despair and disbelief written across her sweet little face.

Her father punctuated his final words by drawing a finger across his throat, and storming away. Her mother stayed a few seconds longer – just looking disappointed – before slowly turning and walking away.

Everybody there turned their heads to look at the parents as they left the scene. Then, all eyes turned back to look at the girl. She was just standing there, that look still frozen on her features. Tears were starting to well up in her eyes. She called after them, almost bleating the foreign words out, but to them, she no longer existed.

After a few seconds, she looked around at all of us staring at her. She may already have been a broken person – but anyone there could see as she stared us all in the eyes that something more had snapped inside her, never to be repaired.

She turned and started walking briskly back to her car, quietly sobbing. That was the last we saw of the poor thing.

Next time I went to see an Acorn Press interviewee, there were nowhere near as many people.

_-Eyewitness account of skunk Norah Thiola, published in the Daisy River Gazette, June 9._


	8. Disco Bear

[#PDRA](https://www.deviantart.com/tag/pdra), huh? Live chat going up tonight on the [#conspiracywatch](https://www.deviantart.com/tag/conspiracywatch) forums as we look at the events and media + attempt to unravel this mystery

_-[ConspiracyWatch] on LoudSpeaker_

It's got a name now? [#HappyTree](https://www.deviantart.com/tag/happytree) 's Post Death Regeneration Anomaly is official it seems. Got to wonder how much more lies beneath the surface

_-[UnderScore9987] on LoudSpeaker_

We would like to remind citizens that [#PDRA](https://www.deviantart.com/tag/pdra) is not an official [#AcornianGovt](https://www.deviantart.com/tag/acorniangovt) term and remains speculative. Discretion is advised.

_-[D_Damworth] on Loudspeaker_

Funny how in attempting to discredit the term [#PDRA](https://www.deviantart.com/tag/pdra), president Damworth lends it credence by using the hashtag... [D_Damworth] [#HappyTree](https://www.deviantart.com/tag/happytree)

_-[th0m4svertibird] on LoudSpeaker_   
  


* * *

  
Entry #2: June 11

Wow. Poor Lammy. I had no idea... I don't think any of us did. This is a messed up county with plenty of messed up people, but that? Jeez. She needs love. That pickle could prove a problem, though. Somehow, I knew there was something up with it.

Anyway. I'd had enough of messing around for one week, so I figured it was time to resume my little investigation I got going on. It's difficult to do this in secret – Giggles loves to know my every move and I tend to make a bit of a scene wherever I go. But I gotta try – and it helps that we aren't as advanced on the tech side of things as The Outside is. Not as much surveillance as they have. It's kinda creepy, actually. Apparently they have security cameras everywhere on The Outside now. Only a matter of time until we get them, I guess... so it's best that I do all this spy stuff now. It feels cool being all stealthy and stuff!

In my last entry I talked about finding stuff on the original citizens of Happy Tree. "The First Ones", I guess? It sounds cooler, so I'm using it. Isambard, Thaddeus, Mayor Sprucebark... all of them I had to find stuff on if I had any chance of unravelling a mystery like this. Especially Sprucebark – was he the last mayor of Happy Tree? Were there mayors after him, and how many?

I figured a good place to start would be the old Public Records Office in the north of the city centre. The place has been boarded up since forever, 'cause nobody really needs to be kept on file here in Happy Tree. It's not like we're going to go anywhere. It's always been drilled into us newer citizens that there was nothing to see in that old building... well, I was starting to doubt that.

It's a good thing, too, that it's in a part of the city that's pretty dead at night. There's only a few nightclubs here, and all of them are in downtown by the waterfront. Same for the restaurants. And even then, it's not like this is a giant city like Rootsburg. Acornia's capital never sleeps – but Happy Tree does. You won't find anybody in the club/restaurant district after 1 in the morning on a weeknight. And all that's up here, where the P.R.O. is, are a few office buildings, a junkyard, some parkland, all cleared out by... like, 9pm. I ended up skating there at about 11, with a torch, a pencil and paper, and a crowbar in my backpack – plus the list of names tucked in my slipper.

I wasn't going to go in the front way, obviously. Even though nobody was around, I wasn't gonna risk announcing my intentions to whoever might have passed through. So it was round the back I went, in the narrow alley with the small back door. Turns out that I barely needed the crowbar at all... the wood that boarded the door up disintegrated without much effort from me. I guess I should expect that with planks of wood that have gone untouched for about 200 years. Nobody's had any reason to come here in that amount of time, not even Lifty and Shifty... until me, that is.

I turned the torch on as soon as I went in. I looked around for a light switch, but I stopped myself when I realised that this building was never connected to the power grid. I started looking through the halls. The dust was almost like a grey carpet over everything, there was so much of it. And man, the cobwebs. I had to dust off everything that looked like a sign just so I could read it.

Eventually I found my way to the Citizen's Records room. I found a few interesting things... and in other areas, the interesting stuff was what I  _didn't_ find.

Here are the key players out of The First Ones, important stuff copied down from the old files. I've only copied info from people who were on the Happy Tree council at the time, because they feature the most in that article and a lot of the descriptions here fit people who talked to me when I first got stuck here. I can only assume these were the most recent on record before the place was shut. The papers were in pretty good condition, I gotta say.  
  


_**OAKTON, Isambard W.** _

_Male_

_Lot 201, Coastal Way_

_AGE: Thirty-Five Years_

_SPECIES: Rabbit_

_FUR COLOUR: Cyan, Cerulean Blue_

_COUNTRY OF ORIGIN: Republic of Acornia_

_OCCUPATION: Land Owner, Plantation Manager, Senior Happy Tree Council Member_

_KIN: Wife – Isabel M. (Species: Raccoon)_   
  


_**PARSLEY, John N.** _

_Male_

_Lot 552, Glacier Falls Rd_

_AGE: Seventy-Nine Years_

_SPECIES: Squirrel_

_FUR COLOUR: Orange_

_COUNTRY OF ORIGIN: Republic of Acornia_

_OCCUPATION: Land Owner, Senior Happy Tree Council Member_

_KIN: None_   
  


_**ANTLERSTORVEN, Thaddeus V. H.** _

_Male_

_152 Liberation Ave_

_AGE: Thirty-Four Years_

_SPECIES: Deer_

_FUR COLOUR: Brown_

_COUNTRY OF ORIGIN: Nordfrezian Territories, Frezea Land_

_OCCUPATION: Docks Foreman, Happy Tree Council Member_

_KIN: Wife – Marta J. (Species: Deer)_   
  


_**BIRCHISS, Thomas M.** _

_Male_

_Apt. 10/43 High St_

_AGE: Thirty-Two Years_

_SPECIES: Beaver_

_FUR COLOUR: Light Green_

_COUNTRY OF ORIGIN: Republic of Acornia_

_OCCUPATION: Town Planner, Happy Tree Council Member_

_KIN: Wife – Valerie B. (Species: Beaver), Son – David R. (Species: Beaver)_   
  


_**POPROVSKI, Ivan L.** _

_Male_

_25 Whitefish Parade_

_AGE: Thirty-Seven Years_

_SPECIES: Bear_

_FUR COLOUR: Orange_

_COUNTRY OF ORIGIN: Nordfrezian Territories, Petrasilese Land_

_OCCUPATION: Shopkeeper, Happy Tree Council Member_

_KIN: Son – Jacob R.(Species: Bear)_   
  


_**VULPOVICH, Stanislav K.** _

_Male_

_Lot 6, Daisy River Rd_

_AGE: Thirty Years_

_SPECIES: Fox_

_FUR COLOUR: Red, Orange_

_COUNTRY OF ORIGIN: Nordfrezian Territories, Petrasilese Land_

_OCCUPATION: Farm Manager, Happy Tree Council Member_

_KIN: None_   
  


_**TRUNKS, Elton B.** _

_Male_

_41 Harbour Way_

_AGE: Fourty-One Years_

_SPECIES: Skunk_

_FUR COLOUR: Dark Brown, Tan_

_COUNTRY OF ORIGIN: Republic of Acornia_

_OCCUPATION: Land Owner, Mayor of the town of Happy Tree_

_KIN: None_   
  


That, right there. Mayor.

There was a mayor after Sprucebark. Elton B. Trunks. But, the funny thing is... there's no record for Sprucebark. At least, none that I could find, and I looked through everything. Same for Wickenbranch, the inventor. Neither of those guys come up. Really creepy.

Each time I look, there's more stuff to chase up. I'm not sure where to go from here – I need info straight from the people on file, but I can't just go straight to them and ask them the tough questions. Maybe conducting my own "Happy Tree Interviews" would be a good cover.

Anyway... it's getting late and Giggles has fallen asleep watching TV in the living room. I guess it's time for bed.

Till next time.

_-Extract from the 'case files' of "Cuddles"._   
  


* * *

__  
The following is a transcript of an interview conducted on audio and video between Joe Grizzle of Acorn Press, and "Disco Bear", a citizen of Happy Tree, on Friday June 12 for Acorn Press' publication "The Happy Tree Interviews". Important visual and audio events are noted where appropriate.  
  


* * *

**  
[RECORDING START]**

**ACORN PRESS:** -sorts of things. Either way, time to record. You live, Mal? Good. I am Joe Grizzle, conducting this interview for Acorn Press. My recordist, Mal Roebuck, is here in the recording booth. It is Friday June the Twelfth, just ticking over one in the afternoon local time. We state once again that we have the full co-operation of the Government of Acornia in conducting these interviews. The interviewee for today is on the Happy Tree side of the interview booth – and I'm not going to ask you your name, because I already know who you are. Ha-ha!

 **DISCO BEAR:** He-heyyy, good to know that Dis-co-Bear still catches eyes. Did I really make waves like that?

 **AP:** Well, it was a huge story when it happened. I was just a kid when you disappeared, it was everywhere – the famous Disco Bear, recording artist and icon of music, missing near the Happy Tree Restricted Zone at the height of his career. And, I guess that's sort of cemented you in the public eye.

 **DB:** Mmm, that's good to hear. Still, it's a real shame it happened when it did. I ended up in a place where not many people knew me, or really cared to know about my career. This is... probably the first interview I've been invited to in about, oh, I dunno – nearly fourty years, I guess. So what would you like to know?

 **AP:** Well, I guess... how did you end up disappearing, to start off?

 **DB:** Ha-ha! Hmmm. To tell you the truth, I don't remember much of it myself. An – uh – an  _associate_ of mine had hooked me up with some... medicinal chemicals, he told me. Said they'd calm me down. And I was in the middle of movin' house at the time, so y'know, I was real antsy. Well, the movers had taken most of my stuff up to the new pad in Mountainvale up on the northwest coast, and I had my golden records and awards and spare cash in my car with me. They were the last things to leave the old pad, along with yours truly.

 **AP:** And the, uh – the old pad was in Cactusfield county down south, right?

 **DB:** Mmm-hmm, you got that right. So I had to drive past this old restricted zone along the way. Well, I wanted to be calm for the drive up – didn't want to lose any stuff, or worry myself stupid that my old suits would be damaged by the movers. So I made the mistake of taking that, uh,  _medicine_  before I got in the car. I started feeling great, and seeing things and God knows what, and next I knew, I was right in the middle of the city of Happy Tree. That 'oh, yeahhh' quickly turned into an 'oh, nooo'...

 **AP:** How did you cope?

 **DB:** With getting stuck here? Hmm. I mean, I went through what everybody goes through when they first end up here – y'know, refusin' to believe it, tryin' to get out... failing. Heh. I got to build my own pad here though, in a big old tree. It gave me a place to put all those mementos of a career I didn't have anymore.

 **AP:** I see... I suppose an extension to that question would be, how did you cope with the loss of fame and recognition?

 **DB:** Heh-heh-heh... not well, if that's what you're lookin' for. You know how people new to fame say it's surreal to be recognised everywhere you go? Well, it was pretty surreal for me being able to go out into the street and  _not_  have people screamin' at me or tryin' to jump me for a picture or an autograph. I could just... go out and nobody would know who I was or why I mattered.

 **AP:** Was that a welcome change for you? Most famous people tend to want less recognition as their fame weighs down on them.

 **DB:** Hmm, I guess most famous people aren't Disco Bear. I hate it, I hate that lack of attention. I've gotten more people recognising me as newer people have come to town, but they don't seem to... feed off me like my fans used to. And I used to feed off of them in return – that's where I get the energy. I've recorded new music, put it out here in Happy Tree... but it doesn't get the attention I want. It's almost as if... disco is dead, or something.

 **AP:** Yeah, about that...

 **DB:** Huh?

 **AP:** Uh, never mind. Um – What's life like for you now?

 **DB:** I can't call dying constantly any kind of fun. And my waistline gets me down sometimes. I guess I get my kicks from... trying to find some action, if y'know what I mean. Makes up for the lack of recognition... I got my old school charm workin' just fine. Gotta keep it sharp. I get a bit of pushback, as y'do... but it's a good pastime tryin' to get down and groovy with Blue and Pink.

 **AP:** Blue and Pink? Who are they?

 **DB:** I never got their names. I'm sure I've been told, but I just forget. Skunk, chipmunk... two lovely ladies. They don't give me the time of day most of the time... but hey, soccer has a goalie, it doesn't mean you can't score.

 **AP:** Wait a minute. I know who you're talking about.

 **DB:** Oh, do you, now? Care to hook a brother bear up with-

 **AP:** What – no! No, I won't. Gig- uh... Pink is fifteen years old, or – stuck at fifteen, anyway – and I can only assume... Blue is around the same.

 **DB:** _[Shrugs]_ What of it?

 **AP:** Technically, you're pursuing underage girls. Doesn't anything about that strike you as wrong?

_[The interviewee folds his arms.]_

**DB:** Underage is a bit of a misnomer, brother. I'd say  _technically_ they're in their twenties. They've both been here at least nine years.

 **AP:** But-

 **DB:** And besides that, when I was on the road way back when - well, the groupies - they never even said, and I didn't need to know-

 **AP:** Okay, okay, no. Stop. Stop right there.

 **DB:**...Alright.

_[There is approximately 8 seconds of silence.]_

**DB:**  Y'know, one of them did let me take her out once.

 **AP:** I said stop.

 **DB:** Don't worry, nothing happened. At least, other than our… heh… disco inferno deaths. And a bit of pepper spray. But other than that, it was vanilla, baby.

 **AP:** I really don't want to hear about this anymore.

_[There is approximately 6 seconds of silence.]_

**AP:** Look, w-what bothers me the most about all this… is that you've gotten away with it. You haven't been pulled up. Like, how? Are you some… loveable scamp? Do people just not care? Are there any police in Happy Tree, even?

 **DB:** That's just how Dis-co-Bear rolled then and rolls now, my man.

 **AP:** Answer the damned question. Are there police here?

 **DB:** W-well... Happy Tree doesn't really have a police force. There's only one officer, and the moose is on the job one day a week at the most.

 **AP:**...Incredible.

_[There is approximately 7 seconds of silence.]_

_[The interviewee shifts in his seat and sighs.]_

**DB:** So… what d'ya wanna talk about now?

 **AP:** Honestly? I really don't think there's anything to talk about anymore. You can leave.

 **DB:** Huh. Alright then. Guess I'll see myself out. It was nice talking to a... fan.

_[The interviewee gets up from the chair and makes his way to the door. The interviewer can be seen making expressions that imply he is thinking something over. He closes his eyes and mouths what appears to be "Oh, God damn it" to himself before speaking.]_

**AP:** Which one was it?

_[The interviewee turns around.]_

**DB:** Hmm?

 **AP:** Which one let you take her out?

_[The interviewee pauses briefly.]_

**DB:** It was Blue.

_[The interviewee leaves the Happy Tree side of the interview booth.]_

_[The door closes.]_

**AP:** Petunia. In a relationship already, and underage. I wonder why.

_[There is approximately 8 seconds of silence. The interviewer is staring into space.]_

**MAL ROEBUCK:** Uh… you okay, Joe?

 **AP:** Huh? Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Just - that pervert has made me realise how messed up things might be there… death and resurrection notwithstanding. I should have realised when Flippy told me about his murderous rampages… he was never restrained, or put away. If Disco Bear can get away with… with  _that_ … then what other kinds of lawless…  _shit_  can people get up to in Happy Tree? Do moral standards exist? And even then, who is there to support them? Do people live in a constant state of fear? And how can they be brought to justice now that they're here again? We can't force Happy Tree citizens into anything.

 **MR:**...I don't know. I don't know, Joe.

_[The interviewer sighs.]_

**AP:** Not to mention... how scared I am for those girls. Hmm. This  _will_  make for some reading. You can turn off the equipment, Mal. God damn-

**[RECORDING END]**   
  


* * *

__  
The following is a transcript of a video recording from the camcorder of fox Denver McBeech, age 48, at the Happy Tree County border (near the site of the Acorn Press interview booth) on Friday June 12. Important visual and audio events are noted where appropriate.  
  


* * *

**  
[RECORDING START]**

_[The camera is pointed at the ground. Various voices can be heard in the background.]_

**DENVER MCBEECH:** -eah, I've got the camera running. Hopefully he comes out soon.

 **CHRISTY MCBEECH:** I wish we'd gotten here before, when he was arriving. But you had to ignore asking for directions, didn't you, Den? Had to take that wrong turn...

_[The camera shifts to reveal Mrs. McBeech, a vixen, age 47, standing in a small crowd. She is holding a marker pen, and a vinyl record sleeve with the image of Disco Bear on the front.]_

**DM:** Just be happy, hon. You're going to meet your idol either way.

_[Mr. McBeech moves the camera around as Mrs. McBeech continues speaking, viewing the interview booth, the SUV belonging to Joe Grizzle and Mal Roebuck, the surrounding forest, and the road leading into Happy Tree County. A few reporters and photographers are at the scene. A fresh line of paint on the ground marking the county boundary is briefly glimpsed.]_

**CM:** Oh,  _sure_ , but if you listened to me, I could have seen him a half hour earlier  _and_  gotten some lunch in, too! And you know what I get like when I'm hungry, Den.

 **DM:** Don't I ever.

 **CM:** What did you just say?

 **DM:** Nothing, honey, nothing. Hey look, there he is!

_[The camera shifts to reveal Disco Bear emerging from behind the interview booth. Voices are raised in the small group and the clicking of cameras is heard. Disco Bear looks up at the group, smiles, and begins walking over.]_

**DISCO BEAR:** Hey-heyyyy!

_[Multiple voices in the group begin shouting Disco Bear's name.]_

**CM:** Oh my God! Oh-my-God-oh-my-God-oh-my-God-oh-my-God-oh-my-God! Disco Bear! Disco Bear! Disco Bear!

_[Mrs. McBeech pushes her way to the front of the group. Mr. McBeech follows with the camera. Disco Bear reaches the group.]_

**DB:** Well hey there, baby.

 **CM:** Oh my God, Disco Bear, I am such a huge fan! You were the soundtrack to my teenage years!

 **DB:** Aw, well, it's always nice to meet a fan - especially one as cute as you, honey. Would you like me to sign that there record?

_[Mrs. McBeech hands the pen and record sleeve to Disco Bear.]_

**CM:**  Oh, yes please! Thank you so much. Oh my God.

_[Disco Bear speaks as he signs the record sleeve. The surrounding reporters and photographers slowly grow silent.]_

**DB:** Mmmm, now this record, it wasn't as big of a hit as my others, but it was the one I liked the best. You're a real discerning fan, baby. I appreciate that.

_[Disco Bear hands the pen and record sleeve back to Mrs. McBeech, and becomes aware of the silence. He looks around and notices that the entire crowd is staring at the ground beyond where he is standing.]_

**DB:** What?

_[Disco Bear looks behind him, and notices that he has crossed the county line designated by the paint. A murmur goes through the crowd. Disco Bear turns back to face the crowd, his eyes wide.]_

**DB:** Uh… Uhhh… c-clear the way. I wanna try something.

_[The crowd complies with Disco Bear's request. Disco Bear hesitantly takes one step forward, then another. He begins showing signs of struggling against an unseen force, every step seeming to take more effort than the last. He lets out a grunt of exertion, and seems to be pushed backwards with some force - stumbling back over the county line and landing on his back. He slowly gets up, rubbing the back of his head.]_

**DB:** Ow…

_[There is approximately 2 seconds of silence.]_

**REPORTER:** He crossed the line. He crossed the county line!

_[Murmurs, shouting and more clicking camera shutters are heard.]_

**CM:** Oh my God, Den, what does this mean?!

 **DM:**  I dunno Christy. Hey, can someone get Grizzle and Roebuck out here? They need to see this! Can you-

**[RECORDING END]**   
  


* * *

  
Hey Joe,

I overheard you muttering something about laws in Happy Tree as you came in through the lobby. Well, I've been getting more and more calls coming in from Happy Tree now that the national network's getting hooked up a bit more, and there's one I just got that stood out to me, and I think it's relevant.

Two raccoons. Brothers. The AIB agents here couldn't run a trace on them because the call came from a pay phone. Now why would they want to run a trace in the first place, you're probably asking.

Well – and here's the real juicy bit – the raccoons said they're career criminals. And they want to talk about it.

See me in my office as soon as you can.

Regards,

Tim Kernelstein

Acorn Press Management

_-Internal memo at Acorn Press headquarters, Friday June 12_


	9. Lifty and Shifty

The office's grey decor was lit by ambient light, streaming in from the midday sun. Files and documents could be seen scattered in disorganised piles, ready to be dealt with on a tomorrow that would never come. The only sound that could be heard was the tip-tap of a computer keyboard, coming from the black desk in the far corner.

Joe Grizzle sat in the office chair, answering emails and managing a career that had been thrust into the spotlight over the last month. In all of his fourty-three years in this world, he had never anticipated the situation he found himself in. His work had taken him to many far and varied places: to the border of the People's Tiger Republic, to report on the trials and failures of escaping refugees seeking freedom in Acornia; to Rootsburg, to cover the most recent presidential election, as the shrewd beaver Davis Damworth had taken office; on intercontinental assignments too, leaving his home continent of Arboradia to capture the International Summit many years in a row. And yet, the source of his true magnum opus was turning out to be right in his own figurative backyard - the return of Happy Tree.

He had just fired off the final email confirming the upcoming interview with the mysterious raccoon brothers - and was continuing communications with Acorn Press field correspondents, who in turn were pursuing further arrangement talks with others.

It was becoming difficult to wade through his inbox, which was also filling with memos and messages about Disco Bear's incredible crossing of the border of Happy Tree County. Joe remembered, with a wry smile, the sheer awkwardness of the situation - being called out of the booth, and having to approach and engage with Disco Bear again, after they had parted so coldly just moments before.

With the memory in mind, Joe's eyes drifted to his automated feed from LoudSpeaker informing him of various opinion pieces from other media outlets, either agreeing or disagreeing with his professed distaste for the former star's choice in romantic pursuits. He conceded that maybe his own reaction was too drastic, and he realised that life was fairly 'normal' in Happy Tree despite what he perceived to be the unsavoury actions of people like Disco bear - but regardless of what his personal views were on the matter, he sensed that a can of worms had been opened regarding consent laws and how they applied to Happy Tree. It was definitely something that he could get more stories out of - and, Joe thought to himself, maybe it would be prudent to get Giggles back in the booth with Petunia for their thoughts on the matter?

His head and shoulders slumped from exhaustion. He needed to focus his mind on something else for a moment.

The tan bear leaned back in his seat, grasping the coffee mug that usually occupied the space to the left of his keyboard, and sipped contemplatively. He thought back through all the strange individuals he had engaged with so far on his assignment. He could not help but think about the strange behaviour and traits of most of them - Handy possessed no hands, yet forced himself into situations that required them; Russell was a fish out of temporal water; Flippy was an extreme case of a split, violent personality; Lammy was much the same, or at least it seemed so to the unfamiliar eye; Sniffles had an obsession with science, finding answers and theorising, yet seemed prone to absent-mindedness; and Lumpy, from Joe's glimpse of him, showed an extreme lack of cognitive awareness and remained ignorant of any kind of sensibility. Thinking back to the very start, Giggles seemed… almost completely normal, especially in comparison to the others - but, Joe thought, it couldn't be ruled out that she had some quirk that put her into the same territory as her fellow Happy Tree citizens.

Joe put the cup down and massaged his temples. There was a consistent pattern running through most of Happy Tree, as chaotic as the place seemed from the outside. Everyone - or, in any case, the vast majority - had at least one major characteristic that set them apart. One trait, or one mysterious attribute, that could cause harm. And from what he could see - though they had their roots in his interviewees' natural behaviour - Joe had realised that these attributes were exaggerated beyond what would normally be seen.

The bear thought further. It was statistically unlikely that so many thousands of people with serious disorders, or violent streaks, or accident-proneness could find themselves all in one place by pure chance. But yet, Happy Tree's anomalous behaviour as a location did not extend beyond its border. And Flippy's account of his psychotic episodes getting worse since he had arrived in Happy Tree added another element into the situation in Joe's head.

He came to the conclusion that something, though he did not know what, was altering people's behaviour in Happy Tree - and had been doing so for centuries. But to what end? Was it related to the chilling movement of Lammy's pickle? And how did the post-death regeneration anomaly come into it?

Joe picked up the coffee again, and this time drank deeply. He was a journalist - it was in his nature to search, extrapolate and speculate about the unknown and unclear. It was the driving force behind much of his ideas for writing. But he was also a bear of reason. He knew, to protect the reputation of both himself and Acorn Press, that he could not write this speculation without some kind of support - even though it seemed to fit together well enough as it was.

Putting the mug down again, his eyes rested on a new message from a correspondent, that seemed just the ticket.

_Hey Joe,  
_ _Follow-up from a potential interviewee that was there right at the start. She apologises for  
_ _not getting back to us sooner. She was apparently scared to take the step (for whatever  
_ _reason) but she's now ready to be properly interviewed.  
_ _She says she hates what Happy Tree has turned her into. She seems nice enough, but  
_ _I could sense a possible case of severe anxiety. Nervous wreck, stutters a lot, flinches at  
_ _anything… the interview might be a bit of an effort to get through, but it's there if you  
_ _want to take it.  
_ _Red porcupine. Young-ish. Her name is Flaky. Contact details below._

The bear grimly smiled.  _She hates what Happy Tree has turned her into._ Though it felt wrong to show approval of someone else's pain, he could not help but think: Bingo.

Joe's train of thought was suddenly interrupted by a sharp knock on his door.

"Oh - uh… come in," he called to his visitor.

A grey squirrel stepped through the doorway. He was wearing a suit jacket, undershirt and blue tie, a cowlick styled into the fur on the top of his head. He appeared short for a squirrel of thirty-two years, but his face did not fit his reduced stature - lips set firm around his buck teeth in a perpetual slight frown, and green eyes that were lively but determined, a spark that betrayed a mind constantly thinking things over. And no wonder - Joe's visitor was his colleague and friend, Tim Kernelstein; managing director of Acorn Press' Western Branch, and the true mastermind behind the Happy Tree press investigation.

"Hey, Joe. How ya doin'?"

"Oh, Tim! Not too bad, yourself?"

Tim walked over to Joe's desk and casually leaned against it. "Eh, can't complain. Especially when we've received news of a surprise esteemed guest."

"Esteemed guest? Really?" Asked Joe, raising his eyebrows in interest.

"Yeah," Tim confirmed. "Here in Acornia on important international business the day after tomorrow. And as part of that business, she wants to speak with myself  _and_  you and Mal."

Joe's eyes widened slightly. "Oh. Foreign, then, and obviously a politician. And who might she be, exactly?"

"Oh, none other than Miss Mila Hopsova," said Tim, smiling.

Joe did not return the smile. Rather, his expression was one of shock - though it was not without admiration.

The bear gulped. "The President of Nordfrezia?"  
  


* * *

##  **HAPPY TREE AND PITHEKOS IN HIGH DEFINITION**

###  **New Satellite Imagery Reveals Disappeared City and Reclusive Nation In New Light**

The Nordfrezian Space Division has released new high-definition satellite imagery that, for the first time, really reveals details of two mysterious locations on our continent.

The first is new imagery taken three weeks ago, that shows the recently-reappeared county of Happy Tree. Previous satellite imagery showed nothing but natural features in the former restricted zone, in which all buildings and animal life (both sentient and non-sentient) initially disappeared 250 years ago. But the new imagery clearly depicts unnatural features once again present in the large county.

"It is very interesting to behold," stated Chipmunk NSD geographer Calina Barkenen, in a press conference for the release of the new imagery. "In co-operation with the government of Acornia, we have compared the current imagery to period maps of Happy Tree County before it disappeared," she said. "It can be clearly seen that forms of urban development have taken place in Happy Tree while it was gone. There are more roads criss-crossing the county, and even a few new small villages have sprung up away from the Happy Tree city centre, which itself has grown slightly larger. The dam at the town of Glacier Falls is much larger and more modernised, but shows signs of recent repair, as if it collapsed recently. Modern city features are also present, like what appears to be a power station and a water processing plant."

When asked why the satellites passing overhead had not been affected by Happy Tree's ability to retain objects that enter its area, Barkenen paused awkwardly before responding: "We're not sure. That is an answer for another time."

Barkenen and her colleagues also revealed new imagery of "Pithekos" - the generally accepted name for the archipelago south of the Arboradian continent, that has resisted almost all contact with the rest of the world. Despite numerous gestures of goodwill from Acornia and its allies over the years, whatever nation may reside on the island chain has shown no desire to reveal anything about itself, nor engage in international affairs. All that is known about Pithekos, including the name, comes from manuscripts thousands of years old, that somehow found their way across the seas to the mainland some time in the last few hundred years.

"The high-definition cameras have picked up features we were not previously able to see," Barkenen said. "There are elaborate structures on the islands that appear to be stone and wood in construction. Remarkably, the majority of the terrain on the islands seems to have remained unaltered. This suggests to us that whatever population resides on Pithekos has not yet reached the industrial age. Analysis of the images is continuing as we speak, and this should open more doors to greater understanding of Pithekos and its people - and perhaps just why they have chosen to remain isolated for so long."

_\- Article from front page of news website The Rootsburg Enquirer, Saturday June 20_   
  


* * *

_  
The following is a transcript of an interview conducted on audio and video between Joe Grizzle of Acorn Press, and "Lifty" and "Shifty", two residents of Happy Tree, on Monday June 22 for Acorn Press' publication "The Happy Tree Interviews"._ _Important visual and audio events are noted where appropriate._   
  


* * *

**  
[RECORDING START]**

**ACORN PRESS:** -sure, sure.  _[Sighs]_ Now, can you promise you'll co-operate fully?

 **LIFTY:**  Mmm, nah.

 **SHIFTY:** No can do, sir.

_[Both interviewees laugh.]_

**AP:** Don't know what I expected. Well, we'll push on regardless. My name is Joe Grizzle, conducting this interview for Acorn Press - the time is two-thirty p.m.-

 **S:** Ah, come on, cut the crap-

 **L:** -Get on with it already-

 **AP:** -Would you - ugh.  _[There is a short pause.]_ Monday. June 22. Acornian Government endorsed and approved. There. Now, names, please.

 **S:** Heh-heh-heh, you're soundin' like an officer a'the law now, aren't ya?

 **L:** We already told you our names, news-man.

 **AP:** Just say them again for the recording. Stop being difficult. You two called  _us_ , remember? You wanted this interview, and yet you show up hours late and keep trying to mess me around. If you don't want to talk, or do things by our book, you're free to stop wasting our time and leave. The door is right there.  _[The interviewer gestures towards the door on the Happy Tree side of the interview booth.]_

_[There is approximately 5 seconds of silence.]_

_[Both interviewees sigh.]_

**L:** Lifty.

 **S:** Shifty.

 **AP:** Good. Am I right in assuming that those are nicknames?

 **S:** Yup, yup. Just like everyone else, we forgot the rest.

 **AP:** So, the first thing I'm noticing is that you two are identical twins.

 **L:** Yeah, we are. Hence the hat on Shifty.

 **S:** That ain't the only reason for the hat, though. People gotta know who's the top raccoon, yeah? That's where the names come from - Lifty does the liftin', the work on the ground, he's my guy in the field, right? And I'm Shifty, the sly one, the mastermind, the guy who makes things happen.

 **L:** Really? You're  _out in the field_ as much as me.

 **S:** Only cause I gotta clean up your messes, like a good big brother does.

 **L:** Come on, you know that ain't true. And bein' born two minutes earlier don't make you no big brother-

 **AP:** -Ooookay. At least you can be told apart. Actually, how old are you two, anyway?

 **S:** Just turned twenty-two when we got stuck here. Long time ago - probably about sixteen years.

 **AP:** And how did that happen?

 **S:** What, gettin' stuck here? Ah… We were runnin'.

 **L:** We'd just finished looting a food storage warehouse in Mountain View County… had our van full o' smallgoods ready to go. The alarm got tripped.

 **S:** By you.

 **L:** Shut up.

 **S:** Cops came fast, but we drove like hell to get away. We made a turn southwest towards Happy Tree, and they were scared off pretty quick - they never went near the zone. Of course, we didn't count on actually crossin' into this county, but hey… it is what it is. We well and truly got away, just with a small, uh… navigational error.

 **L:** By you.

 **S:** Shut up.

 **AP:** So, how have you adjusted to life in Happy Tree?

 **S:** Heh, you mean how has life in Happy Tree adjusted to us?  _[The interviewee smiles.]_

_[There is approximately 4 seconds of silence. The interviewee's smile disappears.]_

**S:** _[Sighs]_  Nothin' much has changed for us. We still do what we do like we always did.

 **L:** We like to wheel and deal, steal a bit, sell a bit - mostly to that dumb moose, when he's not a police officer - hell, sometimes  _when_  he's a police officer!

 **AP:** Have you ever been to jail?

 **L:** We've been thrown in the clink before, when there's been someone on duty who isn't a dumbass. It's rare, sure, but it's happened enough that it don't mean nothin' no more. Not in Happy Tree, anyways. We break out eventually - or die while we're breakin' out. That is, if we even get to the jail in one piece… or even caught before we die some other way.

 **AP:** What drives you to keep… doing this, though? You commit crimes, then lose the spoils, time and time again. But you keep coming back - why?

 **S:** It's all entertainment at the end a'the day. Even when it don't work out and ya get iced, you're back out there the day after, fresh and ready to do it all again. I mean, yeah, y' _could_  try and live an honest life here, but where's the incentive?

 **L:** S'boring, more'n anything. Livin' like  _they_ do.

 **AP:** Is that what all of this is about? Fun? Or… whatever your concept of fun is?

 **S:** Probably not before we got stuck here, but now… Yeah, mostly, I guess.

 **AP:** Mostly?

 **S:** Ech… I dunno. You folks'd probably say attention, too? People know who we are. Not really by name… We're just those two raccoon fucks who steal shit to most people here. But they know.

 **L:** Besides, what else is there to do for people like us? Happy Tree's the biggest clink o'them all. Like I said, it don't mean nothin' no more. We can't get any more trapped than we already are.

 **AP:** So, a bid for personal freedom, then.

 **S:** Ha! Don't need to bid for it. Far as I'm concerned, we got trapped in a playground. The cripple beaver, Handy? He talked about nihilism a little when you grilled him. He said he didn't know if he was really talkin' about nihilism or not - well…  _[The interviewee spreads his arms.]_ You're lookin' at real nihilism right here. The  _right_ kind. The  _best_ kind.  _[The interviewee leans forward.]_ Nothin' matters to us… nothin' to care about… no escape… so why not cut loose? We practically have a license to go batshit insane. It's our private free-for-all.

_[There is approximately 4 seconds of silence.]_

**AP:** Well, taking recent events into account… let's say, just hypothetically, the border weakened enough, or disappeared entirely, completely re-integrating Happy Tree with the outside world again-

 **S:** Whoa, whoa, whoa.

 **L:** Get outta here with that crazy talk.

 **S:** We ain't in a hurry for the gates to open… if they open. Until then, there ain't shit anyone can do to us, or anyone who's a lawbreaker or a murderer or a perv. I mean, right now, what are they gonna do, send in the army? No amount of outside force could stop what happens here.

 **AP:** Hmm, figures. But is Happy Tree really a free-for-all, like you say it is?

 **S:** Whaddya mean?

 **AP:** Well, I'm genuinely curious, for… certain reasons. If there's nothing authorities can do - as limited as they are - then is Happy Tree really this lawless, criminal's paradise? I've been thinking about it, and it doesn't seem that way, what with everything that the other interviewees have told us. I mean, from the way you talk about it, Shifty, you two could have levelled the city a million times over by now, but you obviously haven't.

_[There is approximately 7 seconds of silence. Both interviewees look uncomfortable.]_

**S:** I… uh…

 **L:** Usually, it's that flyin squirrel that does all the levellin' - but, uh…

 **S:** I… whaddya want us to say, Grizzle?

 **AP:** I don't  _want_ you to say anything. I just want an answer.

 **L:** Look, maybe it isn't a free-for-all  _all_  o'the time, but-

 **S:** Lifty…

 **L:** -what? What are we s'posed to say? We don't set the world on fire… literally or figuratively. You might want to, Shifty, but the town just gets in our way most o'the time-

 **S:** Hey, you're runnin' yer mouth, shut it.

 **AP:** The town gets in your way. So… you try to cause chaos, in the form of crime, and to an extent you do - but you're saying something is trying to… hold you back? Equalize the chaos?

 **L:** I mean, I-

_[There is approximately 4 seconds of silence. Lifty hesitates and looks at Shifty, who is staring at him with narrowed eyes. Lifty sighs.]_

**L:**...I ain't sayin' nothin'.

 **AP:** Nothing?

 **S:** No comment.  _[The interviewee stands up.]_ In fact, I think we're done.

 **AP:** I- what? There's ten more minutes left in our allotted time, I still have things to ask you-

 **S:** I think we're done. Aren't we, Lifty?

 **L:** Alright. Alright, yeah, yeah, we are.  _[The interviewee stands up.]_

 **S:** Let's get outta here. We gotta get back to our playground and have fun. Later, Grizzle - hope you got the material ya wanted.

_[Both interviewees leave the Happy Tree side of the interview booth.]_

_[The door closes.]_

_[The interviewer looks offscreen to the recording booth, with a confused look on his face.]_

**AP:** Well, that was abrupt.

 **MAL ROEBUCK:** A nerve must have been hit.

 **AP:** I don't get it… if they were so cagey about all this, then why did they bother doing the interview? They should have known that they'd be asked questions like that.

 **MR:** They must have had a script in mind that you didn't follow, Joe.

 **AP:** How do you mean?

 **MR:** Did you notice how rehearsed some of their words sounded? Maybe they wanted to make a statement… rub salt in the wounds of the people who couldn't catch them. Shifty seemed smug.

 **AP:** Mmm, at least until his facade accidentally got smashed by his brother. You're probably right. This whole thing was just posturing by the two of them. A publicity stunt.

 **MR:** I mean, Shifty kinda admitted it himself - attention. He knows they can't be brought to justice here, so it's just showboating. They must have wanted to project an image of themselves to the outside just to satisfy their egos, and they made a quick exit when your questions got too tough.

 **AP:** Making faces in the window of a school bus. Well, at least I got some kind of answer to the lawless-hell question I had in my mind. The implication seems to be that bad deeds don't go unpunished any more than good deeds in Happy Tree.  _[Sighs]_ Still, I don't have the closure I want for the Disco Bear situation - we should organise for Petunia and Giggles to get in here some time soon.

_[There is approximately 3 seconds of silence.]_

**AP:** Well then - time to switch off, Mal. We'll get back to the office and-

**[RECORDING END]**   
  


* * *

  
Entry #3: June 26

Today, I went over to Giggles' house. It was a long drive out to her place - I live a little north of the city centre, but she lives way up in the town of Glacier Falls, not far away from the mountains, and the dam that almost killed her twice. About an hour's drive. But I thought it would be worth it… because much as I wanted to legit spend time with her, it was also a cover for the start of the next phase of my "investigation".

"It's Friday. Let's go and spend some time at the dam," I said when I called her. "We'll bring a picnic." She said, "Yeah, that sounds great! Maybe the dam won't collapse this time. I'll make some cupcakes!"

I brought more food and a basket, we met at her house, and off we went. But on the way, I said I wanted to make a quick detour - if she was OK with it. Good thing she said yes. Giggles and I drove out to Lot 552, Glacier Falls Road… home of John Parsley, as recorded in the last entry. I guessed that he might be the same guy who went by the name of "Old John" when I first met the First Ones. I told her that I wanted to have a chat to the old squirrel about life before Happy Tree disappeared, the dam, and stuff like that, 'cause I was now interested in the way this place developed over the years… which was half true. I figured if I was gonna ask questions, why not start with the oldest guy around?

The driveway was a really long gravel road, about half a mile long. There were tall trees everywhere, but the house itself was in a bit of a clearing. We stopped in front of the big old house, an old-style car parked in the open garage. Like, one of those cars that you sat  _on_ , not in. It looked like it hadn't been used in a while. The house was mostly bare wood - there was some dark red paint left flaking away, but it was mostly gone.

Giggles and I jumped out of our car, and walked over to the front door. I glanced over at her, and she was looking around kinda nervously. I felt that way a bit, too… it was real quiet. Too quiet.

I grabbed the knocker on the door, and hit it a few times, then I stood back. We stood there for about a minute with no answer to the door. I knocked again, still nothing. It seemed like there was literally nobody in the house.

I walked backwards a bit and looked up into the windows… still nothing. No face peering down at me.

"I don't get it," I said. "He's gotta be home, that's his car right there, right?"

"Cuddles?" I heard Giggles say. There was this… worrying shake in her voice. I looked over at her and she had wrapped her arms around her body, like she was cold… and since it was getting to the middle of summer, that was not good.

She said to me something like, "Can we go to the dam now? This place is really creeping me out. I don't think he's home… or maybe he just doesn't want visitors. Either way, I wanna get out of here."

I thought about staying longer for a few seconds, just in case, but I caved. About 15 minutes later, we were at the dam by the water on a picnic blanket, eating, drinking, talking and laughing.

As the sun went down, Giggles rested her head on me. I held her in return, but thank goodness she didn't see my face. I must have looked like Sniffles poring over an equation or something. Where could Old John be? I got the feeling he wasn't actually at the house, but then people don't move around much in Happy Tree… especially someone like him, who's had to deal with being 79 for 250 years straight.

As I'm writing this, I think my next call-up would be Isambard. He's the only other guy who was a senior member of the council, and I've seen him pop up in many places.

Till next time.

_-Extract from the 'case files' of "Cuddles"._


	10. Flaky

##  **HOPSOVA VISITS ACORN PRESS**

[](https://refleckshun.deviantart.com/art/THE-HAPPY-TREE-INTERVIEWS-Chapter-9-Flaky-643356033#)

While on a seemingly impromptu visit to Acornia, Nordfrezia’s rabbit president Mila Hopsova has called into the headquarters of the western branch of national newspaper Acorn Press. Hopsova met with managing director Tim Kernelstein, reporter Joe Grizzle and recordist Mal Roebuck - all directly involved with Acorn Press’ government-endorsed interview investigation into Happy Tree and its citizens.

A press mob greeted the Nordfrezian President and her guards outside the building, where Kernelstein expressed his gratitude for Hopsova’s interest in their operations.

“It’s an understatement, really, to say that we are excited to have Miss Hopsova here today,” said Kernelstein. “The fact that our investigation has not only generated enough interest to catch the attention of international figures, but brought them directly to us as well, really shows the success of our operation.”

Hopsova declined to comment in detail on her reasons for visiting Acornia, but said, “I have been following the story of Acorn Press and Happy Tree since the re-appearance - I look forward to talking with Mr Kernelstein and his colleagues about various matters of interest to me.”

There were attempts by assorted press to get more statements out of all parties involved, but Hopsova and her hosts quickly disappeared into the building.

**JOIN THE CONVERSATION: Like Pine Tree Daily on Leafbook and follow us on LoudSpeaker [ PineTreeDaily] to give your opinions on Hopsova’s visit to Acornia.**

_-Condensed article from front page of tabloid news website PineTreeDaily, June 27 edition_   
  


* * *

 

_The following is a transcript of an excerpt of an audio recording from the covert listening device of [REDACTED], an anonymous agent of the Nordfrezian Secret Service and Presidential Guard. The recording is of a conversation between Tim Kernelstein, Joe Grizzle and Mal Roebuck of Acorn Press, and the Right Honourable Ms. Mila Hopsova, President of the Commonwealth of Nordfrezia, on June 27. This recording was graciously supplied to Acorn Press by the Nordfrezian Government for public release via Acorn Press’ publication “The Happy Tree Interviews”. Important audio events are noted where appropriate._   
  


 

* * *

 

**[CUT]**

**TIM KERNELSTEIN:** -A real pleasure to meet you once again, Miss Hopsova. And might I say, you are looking lovely this morning!

 **MILA HOPSOVA:** Oh, thank you! But the guard put special effort into the neatness of their uniforms today - I’m sure they would appreciate words like that as well!

_[There is mixed laughter.]_

**TK:** Ah… well, here’s the room. Away from the prying cameras. I know there are probably a few of them out there. We made sure to block the windows too, for extra privacy. As requested.

 **MH:** Wonderful. It will be good to have a proper conversation with you three gentlemen.

_[There is the sound of chairs moving as all individuals sit down.]_

**MAL ROEBUCK:** God, I hate being the focus of press attention. I’d much rather be behind cameras and mics, not in front of them.

 **MH:** Oh, of course. I know how you feel. My education was in media production… once I entered politics, it took some getting used to, having everyone’s eyes on you, and... not the other way around. You do get used to it, after a while.

 **JOE GRIZZLE:** You were involved in media too?

 **MH:** Yes - I was a videographer for the National Film Board. I worked on many nationally-funded productions… I decided I needed to get into politics when we did a documentary on the Tiger Republic… but we’re getting a bit off topic here.

 **JG:** Uh, yes, yes. Well, I guess - what brings you to Acornia, first off?

 **MH:** Oh, aside from meeting with members of Acornia’s government, and discussing… certain matters… the Happy Tree situation, more than anything. I just had to see it for myself. And I’m also curious about the finer details of your investigation. It is the final day I’m here before I fly back to Fjordheim, so I may as well use the time I have left to, um… indulge my curiosity.

 **TK:** Well, what would you like to know?

 **MH:** I suppose I’d like to know how the workload is. It must be quite intense.

 **TK:** Ah, yes - well, let’s just say it’s a good thing that we’re relatively close to Happy Tree. We’re only a couple of counties over.

 **JG:** Indeed. And Happy Tree, and the interviews, are now my sole assignment. Tim’s moved me off all other commitments. No more regular columns or day-to-day writing, it’s all Happy Tree.

 **MR:** Same here. When I’m not at the booth with Joe, recording the interviews and other stuff… I’m back here, at Western branch HQ, editing and transcribing.

 **TK:** We’re eating, sleeping, and breathing this. It’s taking up our whole lives.

 **MH:** I see. And what are your plans for the future of the investigation? Is there a particular end point for all of this?

_[There is approximately 2 seconds of silence.]_

**TK:** Uh… to tell you the truth, we haven’t really thought that far ahead. Well, I haven’t at any rate. Joe, Mal?

 **JG:** Well… I guess we’re in the same boat, aren’t we?

 **MR:** Mmm.

 **JG:** It’s impossible to tell where this is going to take us. I mean, Mal and I are just working in the present and near future right now. We won’t stop this until we find some kind of resolution to the Happy Tree situation, but we just don’t know how far away that resolution is - if the resolution even exists.

_[There is a distinct beeping sound.]_

**JG:** I - what was that?

 **MH:** Agent?

 **[REDACTED]:** Es sicher vas perturben.

 **MR:** Hey, what’s he holding in his-?

 **MH:** Ils ecoute?

 **[REDACTED]:** Ya.

 **MH:** Hmmm. Well, we’re clear.

 **TK:** Huh? What?

 **MH:** Just as we thought. The room was bugged. My agents have just scrambled the signal.

 **JG:** Bugged? By who?

 **TK:** Oh, man… take a guess, Joe.

 **MR:**...Why the hell would anyone want to bug us?

 **MH:** Well, I’m here, for one. I could discuss very sensitive information with you. As a matter of course, Davis doesn’t want to take any chances. And, as it happens, neither do I.

 **MR:** Davis… Damworth? Our President?

 **MH:** Yes. He’s a good beaver, Davis… but none of us trust him or his agencies to do the right thing concerning Happy Tree.

 **JG:** What  _is_  the right thing to do, at this point?

 **MH:**  That is… still unclear. But from my correspondence with him, I’ve got reasons to believe he’s keeping a few secrets about how to react to the events of the past few months.

 **JG:** How do you mean?

 **MH:** Those satellite images of Happy Tree and Pithekos we just released? The governments of Acornia and Petrasilestan saw them before anyone else did, days and days ago. And Davis… Davis didn’t want the Happy Tree images to be released. He wanted his agencies to study them and give us the all-clear to release them when  _they_ said so.

 **TK:** Oh, jeez...

 **JG:** Well, obviously it didn’t turn out that way… what convinced him to let you release them?

 **MH:** Nothing. They’re the property of my government - I authorised the release of the images anyway.  _[Snorts]_ That’s the biggest reason I’m here… diplomacy. I had to deal with the fallout of that decision, get Davis to see my point of view. There’s a bit of tension between us now. I don’t know if I made the right decision. But it doesn’t matter to me - what’s most important is that the information is out there. It won’t just be us in the Arboradian governments looking at it now, but the entire world. And maybe we’ll get something figured out sooner. There’s nothing stopping Acornia from analysing the images as it is. Besides… it isn’t just Davis that has citizens trapped in Happy Tree. I do as well.

 **JG:**...Lammy.

 **MH:** Mmm. We managed to identify her thanks to the census that’s running over here, and her former mental hospital’s records. The NSS already had a file on her and what happened to her… and what she did. It goes slightly beyond what the patient archives at Split Peak say. Very troubled girl.

 **MR:** Wait, wait, I’ve just realised. How is Damworth going to react to you scrambling the bugs’ signals?

 **MH:** He won’t know they were scrambled. Why do you think I started by asking you those innocent questions? It’s not much of a cover, but it’s better than nothing. To the AIB agents listening in, it will just seem like the devices briefly malfunctioned. And when I say briefly, I mean we can’t permanently deactivate them. We are trying to simulate a glitch in the devices’ transmitters. They may be trying to remotely reset them as we speak, so we don’t have much time left.

 **TK:** I’m sorry to interrupt, but… this is all very sensitive stuff. This is the kind of shit that can get us thrown in jail, or worse… and you impeached, or whatever happens in Nordfrezia. I mean, I don’t want to sound rude, Miss Hopsova - but you’re taking what constitutes a security breach for two countries, and…  _brazenly_  feeding it straight to civilians who work for a news outlet. Why are you telling us all this? And why us in particular?

 **MH:** Because I believe in what you are doing. I know, it’s… very unprofessional of me, and I’m taking a huge risk… but I feel like you need to know. I wanted to warn you about Davis and his administration… be careful. Acornia’s government may be lending their support to this media exercise on the outside, but… I don’t doubt that they have their own goals with this. Davis has said his main priority is the safety of his citizens. It’s genuine, I know it is, and it’s a noble pursuit, but I feel he is misguided. I’m sure you remember what happened at the interview with the war veteran.

_[There is approximately 3 seconds of silence.]_

**JG:** How do you know about Flippy and the AIB?

 **MH:** We’ve got our sources. Just as Davis has his for what we try to keep from the public.

 **MR:** And you really trust us with all this?

 **MH:** Well, now that I’ve told you, what other option do you have than to keep it a secret? Acorn Press is effectively under duress anyway - once again, the bugged rooms. Maybe one day, the time will come to reveal what we’ve just discussed… but that time is not now.

 **TK:** But… how do we know we can trust  _you_?

 **MH:**...Honestly, I can’t answer that question. You will have to decide yourself. Be on your guard… choose words carefully… watch each other’s backs. And that’s all we can talk about for now.

 **TK:** But-

 **MH:** I can’t say any more. The listening devices are about to return to normal. Try to act natural. I’ll ask you a question about your equipment. Sommes-nous en sicher?

 **[REDACTED]:** Vana tres mosa bessur.

 **MH:** Oh, I’m sure. And - would you mind telling me just what kind of logistics are involved in getting your equipment out to the location?

 **MR:** Uh, it - errr, it’s really not that bad. We have a makeshift studio at the booth with all the necessities, so we just bring the camera, plug in the microphone and we’re good to go. I mean-

**[CUT]**

 

* * *

 

Dear Diary,

I’m not sure where to start… I have a lot to think about after today. This may be a very long entry… I hope Mr. Pickels doesn’t see this.

We went out today, just for a walk and to enjoy the sunshine. We went to the park. Lots of people were having picnics, playing games, or just enjoying being outside. But like usual, I noticed a few sideways glances in my direction. Or, if I caught someone’s eye, they would look away. I’m used to it now… everyone apart from Giggles, Petunia and Flaky… maybe Cuddles, Sniffles and Nutty too, do it at least a little. And even then, I can sense that they aren’t totally comfortable around me. I used to think that it was just people being scared of me because of what Mr. Pickels does, even though I had told people so many times that the things he does aren’t my fault. But after today, I’m not so sure about that.

We sat down on a bench… well, I did, and Mr. Pickels ran off, probably to go exploring. I sat there and soaked in the sun - Happy Tree does have nice summers. I looked around at all the people in the park, children playing at the playground, grown-ups lying on blankets, Lumpy selling ice creams from his truck by the side of the road. I managed to make eye contact with a few people passing by, but none of them had the smile I had for them. They mostly just looked at me with sadness or pity, before looking away and walking a little faster. I heard that my interview with Acorn Press was released just a day or two ago – I haven't read anything about it yet... Why would I? I was there – but these people must have. Maybe they felt sorry for me, but didn’t know how to approach me? I don’t know.

I ended up just looking at the ground, which meant I was very surprised when I felt someone sit down at the other end of the bench. I looked up and saw a bear I recognised - we had never spoken, but I had seen him around… cap, pipe, dressing gown… his name was Pop. He had brought his son along in a stroller. Cub was his name.

Cub jumped from the stroller and found a few fallen leaves to play with. Once he had seen that Cub was safe, Pop turned and looked at me… my first reaction was to look away and scratch the back of my head. But then he started talking to me.

“Lammy. Is that right?” he asked me.

I looked back at him, and said yes. He nodded and smiled, and looked forward again. We both just stared across the path at the trees for a while as Cub played. I let my mind wander a bit, so when he started talking to me again, I jumped.

“I read a summary of your interview in the papers when it came out.” We looked each other in the eyes. I could see he was sad. “I’m so sorry. I know what it’s like to lose somebody you never came close to knowing.”

I thanked him for his words, and asked him who he lost.

“Cub would have had a brother or a sister,” he murmured, “But we lost them, and their mother, too. That was before we ended up here.”

I expressed my sympathy. I had heard that Pop and Cub got lost in Happy Tree about 50 years ago… that’s a very long time to deal with something like that. We talked for some time about loss and family… my family, especially. I still didn’t understand why my parents said what they said to me at the border, and I told Pop exactly that. All of the disappointment and hate I felt from them… it didn’t make any sense… They said that I killed my brother, but I was there! I saw Mr. Pickels tell him to go away, and Adrien just left and never came back. I mean… I’m sure that’s what happened. But Pop just blinked and went silent when I said that… I’m not____  _[Writing unintelligible.]_

Anyway, I thought I should change the subject away from me. “It is good that you still have Cub, though,” I said.

“Yes, I suppose you’re right… though I hardly think I deserve him with what I let happen to him,” Pop said - Cub lost interest in the leaves and stumbled back over to the bench. He was chattering in baby speak as Pop picked him up. Pop then said, “I guess… even through what we’ve lost, we need to cherish the things we still have.”

Cub looked from his father to me, and started giggling. After a moment, Pop suddenly held him up to me.

“Would you like to hold him?” He said.

I was caught by surprise… “What?” I said. “Really? You’re not afraid?”

Pop seemed to hesitate. “No,” he said… “Say hello to him.”

I took Cub from Pop and sat him in my lap. We chattered and played. He laughed, I cooed. He had the biggest smile on his little face, and mine was probably bigger. That was something I never had the chance to do. I could almost have had that experience for myself, had things been  different. It felt like a journey back to a memory I never had, and I didn’t want it to end.

But… it had to at some point. Cub was not the baby I lost, and he belongs to Pop. Cub yawned, and I heard Pop say something like, “Oh, somebody’s getting tired.” I handed Cub back to him, and back into the stroller the baby went. He already looked sleepy. Pop said, “Time to go off to the cemetery.”

I asked him why he would want to go to the cemetery. Pop looked at me and said, “It’s our quiet place. I take him on a walk through there and he goes right to sleep. I mean, it’s not like anyone really uses that place any more, right?” We shared a laugh. I thanked him for his time and attention, and he told me to think nothing of it. Such a nice bear…

He got out his pipe and gave it a few puffs, then we said our goodbyes, and he started to push Cub’s stroller on its way. It was almost a happy ending for me, but then I heard Pop say, “And make sure to take care of where your pickle is. I’m not sure how it ended up over there.”

I looked across the path and grass, and over to a tree a short distance away. Mr. Pickels was laying beneath the tree, in the form of a regular pickle. But then Pop passed in front of my view as he went on his way, and when Mr. Pickels came into view again, he was standing up. He looked at me with a disapproving face, and his arms were crossed.

We had an argument about me and Cub on the way home. I don’t want to write too much about it here. I’ll just say that he didn’t like what I did. I don’t know why… but I’ve come to realise that maybe Mr. Pickels doesn’t care about me as much as I thought he did. And… maybe it’s not so much that he shifts the blame on me for what he does, but, maybe…

Maybe  
  


Maybe… Does he

Am I?

  
  
  
I don’t

_[Writing unintelligible.]_

Maybe I should approach Flippy. I read his interview just a short time ago… I’m looking at it now. He talks about how he struggles with his own mind… how he struggles with other people… how he is seen as a threat - just like me.

_-Extract from the diary of “Lammy”, dated July 6. The text was originally written in Nordfrezian, and has been translated._

 

* * *

 

[](https://refleckshun.deviantart.com/art/THE-HAPPY-TREE-INTERVIEWS-Chapter-9-Flaky-643356033#) _The following is a transcript of an interview conducted on audio and video between Joe Grizzle of Acorn Press, and “Flaky”, a citizen of Happy Tree, on Tuesday July 7 for Acorn Press’ publication “The Happy Tree Interviews”. Important audio and visual events are noted where appropriate._

 

* * *

 

**[RECORDING START]**

**ACORN PRESS:** -ank you, Mal. Alright, let’s get this on the road. Joe Grizzle here, once again, for Acorn Press. Local time is four thirty pm, seventh of July. Once again, we would like to state that we… have the full co-operation of the Acornian government in this investigation. Mal Roebuck is present in the recording booth, and our interviewee is sitting across from us, on the Happy Tree side of the interview booth. So, without further ado, what’s your name?

 **FLAKY:** Uh, it’s - it’s Flaky.

 **AP:** Now, where did that come from?

 **F:** Well, it - it’s from, uh…  _[The interviewee picks a flake of dead skin from their scalp, briefly regards it, then tosses it aside.]_ That. My spines aren’t really in the… best condition.

 **AP:** I see.

 **F:** I had the nickname for a long time. A g-group of girls at my school started it. They didn’t like me very much. B-but I started calling myself the name, so they stopped.

 **AP:** So you claimed the name as your own to take the power away from it.

 **F:** Y-yeah! Exactly. But - they… they didn’t like that. They started saying, and… and doing other things to me. Meaner things…

_[There is approximately 4 seconds of silence.]_

**AP:**...Right. And, uh… how did you end up here?

 **F:** The meaner things.

 **AP:** I… uh…

 **F:** They - they said… I was a freak. And…

_[There is approximately 5 seconds of silence.]_

**AP:** And…?

 **F:** I don’t… really wanna talk about it. They made me scared, and I ran.

 **AP:**...Okay. I guess - to move on, somewhat… How has Happy Tree treated you since you came here?

 **F:** _[The interviewee sighs.]_ I got stuck here about… twelve… th-thirteen years ago. I was about seventeen and a half. Y-you’ve probably heard it all before. I - I wanna get out. I’ve n-never stopped wanting to get out. I’m scared… I’m scared, Mr Grizzle. There’s… no such thing as a calm and hap-happy day for me.

 **AP:** Are you scared of death?

 **F:** Not death. Just dying. What actually happens to c-cause death. Well… I say ‘just’ b-but… y’know…

 **AP:** Hmmm.

 **F:** It’s just - it’s everywhere. I want to get out, but I know I can’t, s-so I’m just left with my own f-fear of dying. It follows me around. When I go to see people, when I go sh-shopping, when I try and have fun on my own.  _[The interviewee sighs.]_ I wouldn’t wish it on anybody. Sometimes I wish I could just stay inside forever.

 **AP:** Well… why don’t you?

 **F:** W-what?

 **AP:** Why don’t you just stay inside? If being out and about is so dangerous, why not just avoid it altogether?

 **F:** I… I- n-n-no. It doesn’t work like that.

 **AP:** Doesn’t it?

 **F:** Well… I don’t know exactly how it works. Nobody does - I think. But… Y-you’re going to die. It doesn’t matter where you are, or what you’re doing. Something’s going to happen to you. It can happen when you’re asleep. I-I’ve woken up in the ward after falling asleep in my own bed. I always have trouble falling asleep… always… Seems like now, I almost enjoy b-being tired - cause it means I can fall asleep easier.

 **AP:** Incredible…

 **F:** A-and… huh?

 **AP:** It seems like you’re the most hyper-aware out of all the citizens we’ve interviewed. I’m surprised there aren’t more like you. Relatively speaking, everybody else so far has been depressed, nonchalant… even annoyed about the circumstances you’re all in. And they’ve all come to terms with the inevitabilities of the situation in some way, even if they didn’t want to at first. But you… you’re properly on guard, all the time. You’re actively refusing to adapt.

 **F:** W-well, yeah! Why wouldn’t I be? I don’t want to die.

 **AP:** But… you’ll always come back though, right?

 **F:** That doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t help the fear. It’s… it’s the knowing that gets me most. Knowing that it’s just going to happen again, and there’s nothing I can do about it. But saying that, there’s - there’s the  _not_ knowing, too -  _when’s_  it going to happen again? Where? How? I can’t stop thinking about it. Every time I do anything, it’s like… all the things that could possibly happen to me just play out in my head. What if that tree branch falls down, what if that car’s brakes fail, what if that ceiling beam collapses, what if - what - what if one of the legs breaks on the chair I’m sitting on…? ...It never ends. It’s always there.

_[There is approximately 4 seconds of silence.]_

_[The interviewer strokes his chin.]_

**AP:** You weren’t always this paranoid, were you?

_[There is approximately 3 seconds of silence.]_

_[The interviewee lowers her gaze.]_

**F:** No.

 **AP:** I suppose it would be pertinent of me to ask why.

_[The interviewee looks up.]_

**F:** What do you mean? I-I… I already explained it - it’s Happy Tree… th-this is just what happens.

 **AP:** Well… It’s obvious to all of us now that there’s a pattern to what happens to those in Happy Tree. You said yourself, to our correspondent - you hate what Happy Tree has done to you. But  _what_ has it done to you?  _Why_  is there a pattern?

 **F:** I don’t… I don’t know. What happens to me… that’s just me. That’s what I’m lumped with because I was unlucky enough to end up here. Everybody has their own thing that they deal with once they come here. S-sometimes it’s already there, but it just gets brought out into the open. And… intensified. That’s what it seems like, anyway. Mine is just that… I-I’m scared all the time. Way more than I used to be.

 **AP:** And you know this.

 **F:** Yeah…

 **AP:**  ...But you let it happen anyway. I’m confident that nobody is being controlled here. Do you at least try to overcome your tendencies?

 **F:**  I - wha - I wish I could. I do try. But something won’t let me. I can’t stop myself from being terrified of everything, I try but I can’t. Just like Petunia can’t stop being a clean freak, just like Handy can’t stop trying to fix things, just like those raccoons can’t stop stealing, just like Flippy can’t stop his… other side…

_[There is approximately 2 seconds of silence.]_

**AP:** Is there such a thing as a normal person here?

 **F:** What this place does to you... nobody's normal. You can't be. And if you are it makes you into something else. Like I said… I don't know why. And that’s probably more terrifying to me than th-the thought of d-dying. There’s no… n-no reason to it. And that’s scary.

 **AP:** No reason that you know of.

 **F:** _[Shrugs]_ Well, yeah. But are we ever going to know?

 **AP:** I guess that’s the biggest question of all.

 **F:** I wonder about it, sometimes… w-whether the town knows what it’s doing. And… whether we change because that’s how we react to the town, or… or - whether the town is actually changing us.

 **AP:** Either way, it seems to result in more opportunities for violent death. I’ve been thinking about it and talking about it to my colleagues for a while, but… I think, certainly, there’s something at work here. The question is whether it’s sentient or not, and what caused it.

 **F:** Mmm. Yeah. I just…  _[The interviewee leans forward and puts her hands on the table.]_ Please, Mr Grizzle-

 **AP:** It’s okay, Flaky - you can call me Joe.

 **F:** Joe… Please tell me you can help us. Please. I read the papers that come in, and see the TV broadcasts, now we’re connected. There’s so many people out there saying th-they’ll do all they can to help us get out, but - b-b-but I don’t see anything actually happening. P-please,tell me you’re different. Y-you’ve asked me so many c-confronting things, you must know what you’re doing.

_[There is approximately 10 seconds of silence.]_

**AP:** I… I’m sorry. I realise, sometimes, that my analytical and curious side can overpower my tact. Rest assured, I do want to help. But - but I’m just one bear, Flaky. Mal’s just one deer. We can only do what’s possible for us. And for us, that’s what we’re doing right now - getting your faces, your thoughts, your theories and your stories out to the world. I was brought on for an investigation… but, truth be told - I think, for the moment, we’re just messengers. Again… I’m sorry.

 **F:** It’s alright.

 **AP:** I really hope help will come from the outside. And who knows - maybe we’ll see help coming from inside Happy Tree.

 **F:** Maybe… maybe. I-I don’t know who it would come from, though. I haven’t heard about anyone d-doing anything.

 **AP:**...Sit tight, Flaky. Sit tight.

 **F:** I will.  _[The interviewee smiles.]_ Thank you.

 **MAL ROEBUCK:** Uh, sorry for interrupting, but I think that’s time.

 **AP:** Okay. Thank  _you_ , Flaky, for your time. Have a safe trip home.

 **F:** I’ll… I’ll try my best.

**[RECORDING END]**

 

* * *

 

 

##  **FREE TELECOM FOR HAPPY TREE**

###  **Returned County Residents Receive Subsidised Phones - But Not All Taxpayers Are Happy**

 

The initial rollout has begun for the next stage of Happy Tree’s reintegration into Acornia’s communications infrastructure. Following the recent connection of landline cables, the Acornian government and telecom provider MapleNet have collaborated on a deal that will provide Happy Tree’s entire population with the latest smartphones - and government-subsidised data plans and SIM cards.

“This will truly bring Happy Tree into the modern age of communication,” Telecommunications Administrator Leigh Alderbranch said at a press conference today. “Estimates were that Happy Tree, on average, was roughly thirty years behind the rest of the developed world when it came to active communications technologies. Now, the residents of Happy Tree will no longer be limited to landline telephones and physical mail. They will be able to actively engage, not only with each other, but the rest of the world as well.”

Despite an overall positive reaction to the plan – especially from some within Happy Tree – concerns have been raised over the cost of such an operation, and whether it was right to use taxpayer money for it. Though the true population of Happy Tree at the present time is yet to be determined - as the government’s census is still ongoing - current estimates place the population at roughly 650,000. Given an average plan price of ACD$15 a month, this means that the cost of such an operation will total around ACD$117 million a year after initial outlay costs.

“Citizens should be able to choose where their money goes,” an online commenter stated. “I oppose this plan, not because I wish for Happy Tree to remain outdated, but because I feel that there could have been cheaper ways to go about this, and because this is money that could have been spent on solving more pressing issues in our economy.”

Leonard Husk, the CEO of rival communications provider NorthStar Telecom, also voiced his opinions and concerns.

“I can understand the decision to subsidise the plans. We’re still not even sure of the value of currency in Happy Tree yet, and it’s not as if they’re reintegrated into the economy. We still have some kinks to work out there. What I don’t understand is why it had to be an exclusive deal with MapleNet - if the government had talked to us as well, we’d have been able to work out something that might have cost less. Hell, even opening up the operation to other providers to get some good old free-market competition happening. I suppose MapleNet just said the right things - or somebody’s doing favours for favours. I don’t know - I won’t comment any further.”

The phones supplied will begin distribution within the next few weeks, via trolleys pushed over the border.

_-Condensed version of article from Broadfield Post, dated July 9._


	11. /ISAMBARD-01/

**THE HYPOCRISY OF ACORN PRESS?**

Wait... how has this been just glossed over?

I've been looking back through the interviews since Happy Tree returned, and I've noticed a MAJOR inconsistency. By now you guys have probably seen the reaction to Disco Bear's interview. Some have called him misunderstood, some have accused him of being much worse... and Acorn Press' Joe Grizzle was firmly in the latter camp from what I could see.

But wait. I checked back in an earlier interview, and saw this tidbit that NO ONE has brought up.

> _**ACORN PRESS:** Have you been able to maintain any... romantic relationships?  
>  _ _**FLIPPY:** [Sighs] I tried, once. With Giggles._

Aging in Happy Tree being a poorly-understood point of contention notwithstanding... Grizzle was quick to condemn Disco Bear for his pursuit of Giggles – him in his fourties, her in her teens – and yet, Corporal “Flippy” Phillips, age 27, confesses to being romantically involved with her, and nobody bats an eye. Why is there a double standard here? The washed-up pop star versus the returned war hero, whom we are still not sure what actually happened with out in the field all those years ago.

I'm not saying anything – well, I tell a lie, I actually am – but I'm sure something's going on here. We are made to care for the soldier and ignore his transgressions. Again, setting aside the fact that we are still unsure of whether such behaviour is even a transgression in the first place, considering Happy Tree's unique circumstances... what does this say about our government's support of military exceptionalism, that a soldier is not held to the same standard as a celebrity civilian? Who was involved in this and allowed it to come to pass?

Think about it. Accountability is the name of the game here. Scrutinise the media's narrative!

_-Post on forums of website ConspiracyWatch, dated July 11._

* * *

 

_[](https://refleckshun.deviantart.com/art/THE-HAPPY-TREE-INTERVIEWS-Ch-10-ISAMBARD-01-644454983#)Lammy’s violet hand knocked softly on the big wooden door._

_A silence followed, and then a series of opening locks could be heard that seemed to go on forever. The sheep waited patiently._

_Eventually, the door opened a crack to reveal a single eye. The owner of the eye saw who was on his doorstep, and with an “Oh!” opened the door fully to reveal himself._

_“Uh… Hi there,” Flippy greeted with a smile and a salute. “You’re… Lammy, right?”_

_“Uh, yes,” Lammy replied, clasping her hands. “Yes, I am. And you’re Flippy?”_

_“That I am! Pleased to actually meet you properly, Lammy. What can I do for you?”_

_Lammy briefly looked down to the ground, then back to Flippy. “Well… I read the transcript of your interview… with Acorn Press. And I thought maybe I could talk to you, about… a few things.”_

_Flippy stared blankly at her for a second or two, before opening his mouth. “Uh… yeah, sure! Come on in, have a seat at the table.”_

_He stepped aside to let Lammy though, and the sheep thanked him as she entered the house. As the green bear fastened the multitude of locks on the front door, Lammy entered the dining area and sat down at the table. She looked the room over - there were three other chairs at the table she was sitting at, and at one place was a plate with half-eaten food on it, a fork haphazardly placed on the rim. The food looked to be beans with sausage slices mixed in, plus a few slices of some kind of fried meat. On the other side of the room was the kitchen, where a pot and a frying pan could be seen on the electric stove._

_Lammy’s attention was wrenched away from all this when Flippy entered the room._

_“Uh, apologies for the food and the mess,” said the veteran. “I was just having lunch.”_

_“That’s okay,” Lammy replied. “But… Lunch? Isn’t it… ten in the morning?”_

_“Oh, uh, yeah,” Flippy responded, rubbing the back of his head. “I kinda… got up really early. I don’t… sleep that much…”_

_Flippy’s voice trailed off and an awkward silence ensued. He looked around and quickly broke it off. “Can I, um, can I get you anything?” he asked as walked briskly to the pantry. “I got… franks and beans… spiced ham - at least that’s what it’s meant to be… uh, I still got field rations from years ago, you name it.”_

_“It’s okay,” said Lammy, raising a hand slightly, “I’ll be fine. You eat.”_

_Flippy shrugged and sat down at the table, taking his fork and shoving a piece of meat into his mouth. “So, uh… what did you want to talk about?”_

_Lammy hesitated before speaking. “Well… you said something in your interview about getting treatment for - for, uh, your…”_

_“Oh. Uh, yeah, yeah,” said Flippy, placing the fork back down._

_“I guess I wanted to ask... do you really think that treating a mental issue is impossible here?”_

_There was a brief pause as Flippy processed Lammy’s question._

_“Well…” Flippy began, “After what happened to me… finally beating that ‘other me’ and then getting killed and falling right back into the old habits… it was hard to be optimistic. Yeah, I still think that. Why?”_

_Lammy looked away nervously. “I have… some things of my own that I struggle with.”_

_Flippy gave a knowing nod. “The pickle?”_

_Lammy’s gaze snapped back to him. “How did you know?”_

_“I’ve only just properly met you,” Flippy replied, “But I’ve seen and heard about you. I know about the whole pickle thing. You overhear stuff… ‘That Nordfrezian sheep, she stabbed someone today and tried to blame it on the pickle’, you know? Stranglings, hit-and-runs, and that pickle’s with you an awful lot of the time…”_

_“I know,” Lammy acknowledged. “And I’m starting to think that something’s really wrong with me. The people I’m close with - they talk about Mr. Pickels when I’m around as if he’s a real person, but it feels like they’re just humouring me. I’m starting to wonder if Mr. Pickels is even real, Flippy… and it’s me doing all these horrible things.”_

_“Honestly,” Flippy said with a small smile, “I think it goes both ways.”_

_Lammy stopped in surprise. “You do?”_

_“Well, maybe all of your situation is true,” Flippy clarified. “I’ve heard eyewitness accounts of things that were clearly your doing - others… it’s a bit less clear. But regardless, I do think this ‘Mr. Pickels’ is real… to an extent.”_

_“What do you mean, ‘to an extent’?” the young sheep asked, furrowing her brow._

_Flippy leaned forward and spoke quietly. “This county, Lammy. It does things to you. Like what happened to me. You read my interview - that other side of me? It became so much more violent and uncontrollable after I came here. And I didn’t do a thing… Happy Tree changes you, whether you want it to or not. Something here takes the worst parts of you, the parts that cause harm, and it distills them. It turns you into a caricature of yourself, almost. What I’m trying to say is… Mr. Pickels wasn’t real before you came here. But then, he became… almost half-real, in a way. Because that’s what the county wants. It… something here wants that side of you to cause as much harm and pain as possible. So… when Mr. Pickels is needed, there he is.”_

_“What? Physically?” Lammy asked._

_“It depends, I guess,” the veteran responded. “On the situation, I mean. Maybe sometimes you’re not causing enough carnage, and the county wants to balance things out. The spark that the county needs to make him exist is within you… just like my other side is given life by what’s inside me.”_

_Lammy simply sat there, slammed by the weight of Flippy’s words. She took a moment to blink and compose herself before responding._

_“How is that possible?”_

_Flippy shrugged once again. “I don’t know, really. But that’s what it seems like. We don’t know how it’s possible for us to come back when we die, or… why so many horrible things happen here in the first place… or why we can’t leave… or why the border’s weakening now, hell, not much of anything here makes sense. But it still happens.”_

_“But… how do you know that Mr. Pickels is real? Well… half-real.”_

_Flippy looked at her with sympathy. “Your interview, of course. I saw clips of the footage on the news - the national news, since we’re getting outside TV signals now. I’m guessing you don’t have a TV? Did you read your transcript? How else does an inert object change places twice in a few moments?”_

_Lammy looked at Flippy quizzically. “...Inert? But - but I saw him climb up onto the desk next to me! He smiled at me! Are you telling me he just stays - w-what’s the Acornian word? Uh... inanimate in the video?”_

_“Well, there you go. That answers the question right there,” Flippy affirmed, leaning back in his chair. “And from what I could see, there’s no direct government involvement in the video, so it’s legitimate. It's made the rounds here in Happy Tree, and now everyone will know the full truth. So… I know where you’re coming from.”_

_“Well… thank you,” Lammy said. She thought it odd that Flippy inserted a - seemingly - superfluous remark about government. She entertained the thought of what it could have meant, then snapped back to the present. “But what do I do now?”_

_Flippy’s smile disappeared. “I think you’re asking the wrong person there. Like I said, I don’t think there’s anything that can be done to stop stuff like this from happening. I mean, don’t let that stop you from trying, but - I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t beat this place.”_

_They sat in silence for a few minutes, the only sound being the gentle ticking of the clock on the wall._

_“...I’m sorry,” Flippy said, breaking the silence._

_Lammy closed her eyes and shook her head. “It’s okay. I have a lot to think about.”_

_More silence._

_“You’ve thought about this a lot, haven’t you?” Lammy said, opening her eyes. “Why our lives are like this.”_

_“Yeah, I have. You haven’t been here very long at all… you’re still trying to get settled in. But I’ve had plenty of time to think about what happens here. And people like Russell, and the citizens who were here from the start - well, they’ve had even longer to think about it. I wonder what their ideas are.” Flippy placed another piece of food in his mouth and chewed contemplatively._

_“Well, we all read Russell’s interview when it was released,” Lammy pointed out. “We know that the first citizens won’t talk.”_

_“Mmm. That was a strong statement he made, outright calling them out like that. I wonder what they think about that… or what they might do. I get the feeling people might start getting fed up with their silence soon - if they haven’t already.”_

_Lammy gave a small “Hmm” of acknowledgement, and watched Flippy’s face closely. She saw doubt and unease in the bear’s features. It seemed as if he was thinking something over - something more than what they had just discussed. Maybe it was an apt time to bring up the ‘government’ remarks._

_Lammy voiced her concerns. “Is there something else bothering you, Flippy?”_

_The green-furred war veteran took a moment to realise what he had been asked. He blinked and composed himself, hesitating before talking._

_“I think… I think… something… happened at my interview. As we were finishing up.”_

_“What?” enquired Lammy, raising an eyebrow. “But the transcript I read - it shows you and Joe saying your goodbyes and that’s that-”_

_“They must have edited the interview to hide it,” Flippy interrupted. “That’s not what I remember happening. Once Joe said that we were almost out of time, things changed. The last thing I remember seeing was… government agents - I think? - entering the booth. And next thing I knew, I was waking up in that… resurrection ward at the hospital. It was a complete blackout. It’s been on my mind for weeks.”_

_Lammy stared at Flippy with saucers for eyes. “Did you… flip out?”_

_“...I don’t know.” The green bear rested his head in his left hand, in deep thought, with his gaze directed out of a nearby window. His right hand grasped the fork and moved the food around on his plate as he continued musing. “I’m not sure what happened exactly. I probably did flip out… but why?”_

_“The agents must have done… something,” Lammy suggested quietly._

_Flippy nodded, still staring out the window. “Yeah, that’s what I was thinking. I dunno. That Grizzle guy seems like a stand-up bear and all, and I appreciate what he’s doing for us, but… something’s not right about it all. Something’s going on that we don’t know about, us and the Acorn Press guys are caught in the middle of it all, and it won’t be pretty. I can feel it.”_

_Lammy took a deep breath and let out a long, drawn-out sigh. “And here most of us were, thinking that coming back was the best thing that could ever happen to us.”_

_The bear and the sheep sat, silent and thoughtful - countless muddled ideas swimming in their heads._

* * *

 

[](https://refleckshun.deviantart.com/art/THE-HAPPY-TREE-INTERVIEWS-Ch-10-ISAMBARD-01-644454983#)Entry #4: July 13

Well, here it is… my next call-up. It didn’t go quite as planned, but I did get some things cleared up. But at the same time, still more questions. Isambard was… interesting.

I tried something new for this. I went to Lumpy and saw if I could get an old tape recorder from him. I dunno why that moose always seems to have his fingers in every pie, but I’m not complaining… I got my tape recorder. Good old Lumpy never asked any questions. It’s an old one, big and bulky, but it managed to fit into my backpack. Came with a bunch of blank cassettes and a small, fuzzy mic too. I can record stuff sort-of-secretly now. Would have used one of those new phones that are being brought in - I hear they have programs on them that can record stuff - but that won’t happen for a few weeks, so I just gotta make do with what I got here.

So, this was my first try at seeing if I could just record a conversation and not have to worry about remembering everything we said and did. I drove up to Isambard’s house on Coastal Way, set the tape recorder going, and made sure that there was an opening in the zip for the mic to stick out and record stuff. Good thing nothing went majorly wrong. The mic kinda slipped back into my bag and the sounds are a bit muffled, but you can catch everything that was said. Just for my benefit, the tape is labelled /ISAMBARD-01/.

-

_[The following is a transcript of audio on the aforementioned cassette tape labelled /ISAMBARD-01/. The audio was transcribed by Mal Roebuck of Acorn Press.]_

-

**[RECORDING START]**

**CUDDLES:** -kay, that should do it.

_[Loud sounds are heard, grating against the microphone, in amongst clattering and sounds of zippers. It is presumed that these sounds are of Cuddles placing the tape recorder and microphone in his backpack, and putting the backpack on.]_

_[Sounds of footsteps on gravel are heard for 14 seconds.]_

**C:** _[Unintelligible]_ Big house...

_[This is followed by knocking on a door.]_

_[There is approximately 18 seconds of silence.]_

_[The door is heard opening.]_

**ISAMBARD:** Erm… good day to you.

 **C:** Hello, sir.

 **I:** You are… Cuddles, correct?

 **C:** Yep, that’s me. And you’re Isambard, right?

 **I:** Ah. Yes, I am. Well, what is your business, young rabbit?

 **C:** I… uh… just wanted to ask you some questions. If I could - I’m doing a little research project.

 **I:** Hmmm. No harm, I suppose - come in.

 **C:** Thank you.

_[The sound of footsteps on a wooden floor is heard for 5 seconds.]_

**I:** Can I get you anything to drink, at all? I believe Isabel is in the kitchen boiling some water for tea.

 **C:** Uh, no thanks, I’m fine. I won’t be here for long.

 **I:** Fair enough. Let’s sit in my library, shall we?

 **C:** Okay, sure- w-w-wait - your library?

_[The sound of footsteps continues for another 7 seconds, then stops.]_

**I:** My library.

 **C:** Th-the shelves… they go all the way to the ceiling!

_[The sound of objects scraping on a wooden floor, and objects settling, is heard. Presumably, this is the sound of Cuddles and Isambard sitting down in two chairs.]_

**C:** Wow. How did you get so many books? There’s thousands of them here!

 **I:** Oh, um - I inherited them. From an old friend… his name was Ivan. He kept a shop in town, dealing in books.

 **C:** Ivan… Right… what happened to him?

 **I:** I… I’m not sure. He disappeared one day, and… never returned. I do not know what became of him.

 **C:** Was that before Happy Tree disappeared?

 **I:** Yes, it was. His old shop was not going to any good use, so I took on his stock, and gave the duplicate volumes to the county library. It helps when I lose a book to have that backup there.

 **C:** Lose a book?

 **I:** I… well, sometimes, when I sit by a fireplace to read… one way or another, the fire may consume me. In my writhing as I burn, sometimes it consumes the book as well. Even a shelf collapsing over me, or the ceiling falling in…

 **C:** Fun.

 **I:** I can most definitely assure you, it is not.

 **C:** What’s this open one on the table, here? A Natural… A Natural History of the Elevated Species?

 **I:** Yes - a very interesting collection of information. Mostly archaeological finds and such. It covers the earliest possible projections of our natural history, all the way up to the enlightenment. Most likely, it is outdated now… what with science inevitably discovering more since it was published, and all. But still - I peruse it from time to time simply to keep myself entertained.

 **C:** Right. But… what are the elevated species? And what’s the enlightenment?

_[There is approximately 3 seconds of silence.]_

**I:** Were you not taught it at school? Even during your time before coming here?

 **C:** I… uh… to tell you the truth, I was never really good at paying attention in school.

 **I:** Hmmm… I see. Well, the Elevated Species are ourselves - the intelligent animal life of the world, separate from the wild species that inhabit the woods and such.

 **C:** Ah, right.

 **I:** And the Enlightenment is the general term that we used in my time… I am unsure if the current generations say something different… but it is the term for the era in which most elevated species came together as a population. It’s the time that we use as a rough starting point for our calendar.

 **C:** Oh! So, it’s been two thousand and fifteen years since the enlightenment. I wondered why they put “AE” next to years sometimes…

 **I:** Yes, two thousand and fifteen… give or take a few decades. Even in my time, some had different opinions on just when the calendar started.

 **C:** You must have a huge interest in science and stuff. Like Sniffles…

 **I:** That young anteater? Hmph, maybe. Though I tend to lean more to the conceptual side of things, how it relates to our history and such. Sniffles… seems more drawn to the practical applications. He reminds me a lot of Giles, but younger and more impulsive, scatterbrained… Giles was another old friend I lost, an inventor. A great one. Brought steam power to Happy Tree. The last I heard before we vanished, all of Acornia had ended up using his designs.

 **C:** I guess Giles didn’t blow himself up as much as Sniffles does, though - right? Ha-ha-ha!

 **I:** Ha-ha! There’s - there’s a measure of truth to that statement.

 **C:** Huh, hmm… What happened to Giles? He seems like a pretty cool guy.

 **I:** I… I’m sorry. Once again, I don’t know for sure. His house burnt down one night, and he was never found, dead or alive. My mind assumes the worst, but… maybe he escaped. He lived on the border, you see - and was probably closer to a town in Daisy River than anywhere in Happy Tree. Whatever happened to him, he left behind the legacy of his machines and how to operate them, which certainly helped us to no end once… the disappearance happened.

 **C:** Uh, about that - the disappearance.

 **I:** Y-yes?

 **C:** I was just curious about a couple of things, like life before it and stuff. From your perspective. That’s kind of what this research project is about.

 **I:** Oh… oh, I see.

 **C:** I wanted to ask Old John about it, but when I went to his house, he didn’t come to the door.

 **I:** Hmm. Well, you know how a squirrel of his years can be. He… he must have been asleep. Either way, you came to me instead - so what would you like to know?

 **C:** I guess… I wanted to know what it was like living under a mayor. I mean, from a position like yours. You… you had some power being on the council before Happy Tree disappeared.

 **I:** Oh, heavens, no. We were nothing like those… those “career politicians” I hear so much about from the newer citizens. Jeremiah had a job before and after his mayoral duties. He was a doctor. Medical. After his term was up, he returned to his practice.

 **C:** A doctor… cool! Was he a good one?

 **I:** A good doctor? He -  _[There is a pause.]_  - he… he was the finest doctor I had ever known.

 **C:** What happened to him? He isn’t here now.

 **I:** Well, I…  _[There is approximately 3 seconds of silence.]_ I don’t know. It is the same as with Ivan and Giles… I am unsure what became of him.

 **C:** I guess they were all lucky enough to get out before all of…  _this_  happened with Happy Tree.

 **I:** I suppose so.  _[There is approximately 4 seconds of silence.]_...I suppose so.

 **C:** What about the guy after him?

 **I:** I-I’m sorry? Wh-what do you mean?

 **C:** The guy who was mayor of Happy Tree after Sprucebark. What happened to him?

 **I:** Wh- I… I- I don’t know what you’re talking abou-

_[An explosion is heard.]_

**C:** Woah!

 **I:** Oh God. Isabel? Isabel!

_[There are sounds heard of footsteps and objects grating against the microphone. Presumably these are the sounds of Cuddles and Isambard running to another location in the house.]_

**I:**...Oh no. The… the gas line...

 **C:** Wh-where’s her face?

 **I:** Confound it! There’s no way she’s still alive!

 **C:** I - I’m sorry, Isambard-

 **I:** It’s fine, Cuddles. You… you should probably take your leave. This kitchen is in ruins. It will take ages to repair. And I have to wait for Isabel to come back tomorrow…

 **C:** I can help you clean up, if you like? We can talk more.

 **I:** N-no, no. I can handle this myself. You go along - thank you for your... interest in our past.

 **C:**...No problem. Thank you for your time. Uh… bye.

 **I:** Oh, Isabel, why did you have to-

_[The remainder of Isambard’s sentence is obscured by the sound of objects grating against the microphone. Footsteps are heard on wood and gravel for the next 30 seconds, presumably of Cuddles leaving the house and walking back to his car.]_

_[The sound of a car door opening and closing is heard, followed by what is presumably Cuddles placing his backpack on the passenger seat, and removing the tape recorder.]_

**C:** Hmmm.

**[RECORDING END]**

-

Now, there’s plenty there to be confused about. No closure on what happened to Sprucebark or Wickenbranch, no info on Poprovski (who I guess is the “Ivan” that Isambard mentioned) other than that he owned a bookshop. Isambard only had good things to say about them, but has no idea what happened to them. I also couldn’t help noticing that he got a bit flustered when I started talking about Elton Trunks. Shame that the explosion happened when it did. But, jeez… What gets me the most is that Isambard, at the end… he seemed annoyed at Isabel dying. Not sad or horrified or disgusted like most of us get. Just… annoyed. I guess it could be explained as him being more used to constant death than almost anyone else here, but it just seems… off.

I’ve got a lot to think about here. Let alone who to go to next, because I doubt Isambard wants me back there after I pushed with the questions.

Till next time…

_-Extracts from the case files of “Cuddles”._

 

* * *

 

_“Bye-bye!” called Lammy._

_Flippy waved in return, weakly smiling, and shut the door. Lammy turned away and began walking towards her car as the sound of multiple locks being closed was heard behind her._

_She approached the white coupe, producing her keys and opening the door. Sliding into the driver’s seat, she went about her regular business - turning the keys in the ignition as the car hummed to life, putting on her seatbelt, and adjusting her rear view mirror._

_As she looked in the mirror, the view stopped moving as she saw an object lying in the middle of the road behind her. The calm smile she had on her face slowly faded, giving way to a stunned look. The sheep’s hand fell from the mirror to the steering wheel, but her gaze remained on the mirror, unmoving, as her wide eyes took in the inert pickle._

_She had made sure to leave Mr. Pickels at home._

_Lammy blinked, focused ahead, silently shifted the car into gear and drove forward.  She tried to resist the temptation to look in the mirror again, but caved in and glanced at the reflection once more. There the pickle remained - but now sporting a top hat and monocle, standing up on two spindly legs, with its arms spread wide seemingly in protest._

_As Mr. Pickels grew smaller in the mirror’s view, Lammy took a deep breath and kept driving._

_As the sheep entered an urban area, she thought back to what Flippy had said. She hadn’t paid attention to one statement of his, buried in the midst of all the rest of his ruminations on the state of Happy Tree. But now, it came to the forefront of her mind, like a sudden reminder of a subliminal message._

_Mr. Pickels wasn’t real before you came here, he had said. Initially Lammy had latched on to Flippy’s reassurance that Mr. Pickels was not all in her head in Happy Tree, but she was only just beginning to grasp the true meaning of the war veteran’s statement._

_“Adrien…”_

_The name of her late older brother escaped her lips without her giving it conscious thought. The sudden sound of her own voice made her jump slightly, and she was suddenly taken back to her past._

_His dead body in the front room. The police. The court hearings. The people in the white coats. The escorts. The padded rooms._

_The hate of her parents._

_For the first time, she put everything together - Mr. Pickels absent - and it all made sense._

_“...Adrien…”_

_An expression of horror found itself on her features. She began breathing heavily as her vision of the road ahead began to blur. Her voice cracked._

_“Oh my God, Adrien!”_

_All at once, every teardrop became an ocean._

_But then, at least for that moment, it seemed the anguish was short-lived - for immediately after, the car veered into a storefront in a fiery explosion._

* * *

_[](https://refleckshun.deviantart.com/art/THE-HAPPY-TREE-INTERVIEWS-Ch-10-ISAMBARD-01-644454983#)With a spray of disinfectant, Petunia wiped away the last patch of dust on the golden lamp stand. She smiled at her crisp reflection in the brass and switched the light back on._

_The skunk turned around to behold her handiwork - an entire floorspace of squeaky-clean lamps, shining in the late morning light that streamed through the windows. A sigh of relief escaped her lips, not only at the cleanliness of her lamp shop - a part-time enterprise she had taken over a while ago - but at the relative peace of her existence the past few weeks. Not a single death had befallen her since the incident at the beachside park, and with that had come a release from what had plagued her mind endlessly: her recent, deeply disturbing post-death experiences._

_The smile disappeared from Petunia’s face as she thought about her predicament. The first had happened only a few days after Happy Tree had returned to the outside world - a clogged pipe had resulted in her hot water tank exploding while she was in her basement, boiling her alive. And then, instead of the nothingness before waking up in the ward, she heard her long-dead mother’s voice._

_Petunia wandered to the counter and absent-mindedly wiped the top, even though she didn’t need to. Well, she thought, heard wasn’t exactly the right word for it - felt seemed more fitting. The voice came from everywhere and nowhere all at once - directionless, wordless and formless. But even after a decade since hearing it for the last time, she recognised the tone and timbre; it was indeed her mother._

_And since it had happened for the second time, courtesy of a falling piano, what could have been brushed off as a random waking dream took on a deeper, darker meaning. As Petunia looked out at the street, at the many figures strolling by and going about their business, she thought once again how she might go about finding help._

_Handy was unable to help - understandably. The skunk had not dared to tell anyone other than him, not even Giggles. She doubted that any of her close circle could help to figure out what was happening to her, and whether she was the only one experiencing these… visions? What would she call something like that when she couldn’t see anything?_

_Petunia’s mind ran in circles and her thoughts became clouded, so clouded that she almost didn’t hear the bell that signalled the door to the shop opening. She refocused and took in her customer - a face she recognised._

_“Sniffles!” she exclaimed, immediately assuming a genial smile, and hastily putting the disinfectant spray bottle away._

_“Ah, good morning, Petunia!” Sniffles replied. “Almost good afternoon… Uh, is this shop yours?”_

_“Yeah, it is,” confirmed Petunia, walking around the counter to meet the anteater. “Only just set up, really - a couple of months ago. Y’know, something regular to do, etcetera...”_

_“Indeed… well, that’s good to hear. I’m in the market for a new lamp, as it happens,” said Sniffles. He briefly averted eye contact with the blue skunk, before adding quietly, “I… melted… my old one.”_

_“Oh. Did an experiment go wrong in the lab?” Petunia asked, giggling._

_“Oh, uh - it wasn’t in the lab,” Sniffles admitted, rubbing a shoulder apprehensively. His voice trailed off as he continued. “It was… my desk lamp… at my… drafting… table…”_

_There was a small silence as Petunia tilted her head to the side, eyes narrowed, processing Sniffles’ statement._

_“How did you…” she began, before simply shaking her head. “Y’know what, I don’t need to know.” Turning around and beginning to lead Sniffles to relevant merchandise, she didn’t hear him mutter under his breath, “No, you don’t.”_

_Within a few minutes, Sniffles had picked out a new lamp - a long-armed, hinged contraption with a desk clamp. The two promptly walked back to the counter, where the anteater duly paid. They said their well-wishes and goodbyes - but just as Sniffles turned around to walk out, a thought re-entered Petunia’s head._

_“Oh! Sniffles, wait!” She exclaimed with a gasp. The anteater froze, and whipped back around to face her again._

_“Yes?”_

_Petunia struggled to get the words out. “I… I know this is probably real bad timing, but - can I talk to you about something?”_

_Sniffles looked around, and shrugged. “Uh, I suppose so. I don’t really have anywhere urgent to be. What’s the matter?”_

_Petunia averted her gaze, and rubbed the back of her head. “Do you know anything about… dreaming? Like, the science of dreams? Or even… post-death stuff?”_

_There was a pause, and Sniffles blinked. “Well, um… it’s… not exactly a field I’m well-versed in, so I can’t promise anything - but I can see what I can do, anyway. Why do you ask?”_

_“...Sniffles, you’re literally the only person in Happy Tree that I think can help me with this,” Petunia said softly, looking the bespectacled anteater dead in the eyes. And with that, she told him everything - her post-death experiences, the voice, her mother being dead, how it hadn’t happened until the return of Happy Tree. By the end of it, she was barely keeping herself together, and Sniffles simply stood there with his mouth wide open._

_“I… I’m not sure what to say,” He said, astounded. “That is… outright bizarre. Not to mention disturbing, and… distressing, for you.”_

_“What do you think it could be?” Petunia asked quietly. “Do you have any ideas on what might be causing this? I need something, anything…”_

_Sniffles scratched his head - the light fixture still slung under his other arm. “Honestly, there’s so much going on with Happy Tree’s return that it’s hard to categorise this, or make it fit with everything else that’s been happening. The binding force of the border is weakening, the whole anomalous behaviour of the county is inconsistent… and now this is happening to you. I mean, it’s never happened to me, and this is the first I’ve heard of these… experiences…”_

_“That’s what I mean,” said Petunia, leaning forward on the counter. “I don’t know if it’s just me, or it’s going to be county-wide, or…”_

_“There has to be a connection,” Sniffles asserted, his eyes narrowing. “Between all of this. It can’t just be random. It may be a weak hypothesis, but what good has a hypothesis done for me so far?”_

_He, too, leaned on the counter. “I promise, Petunia… we will get to the bottom of this. I was just floating around making observations before - now, I feel like this is something we really have to be a driving force behind. All of the brain power on the outside may not be enough to figure this out. Happy Tree needs to take charge.”_

_“Yes… yes,” Petunia said hesitantly, slowly nodding. “But… where do we start? Especially with my… dreams, or whatever they are?”_

_Sniffles thought briefly. “Well… generally the first thing I’d do is run an experiment in controlled conditions. But I’m not sure how we’re going to do that in your case-”_

_The anteater was harshly interrupted by the screech of tyres from outside. Both he and the skunk snapped their gazes to the street, to see the last frantic scurries of people scrambling out of the way of a white car that slid into the storefront, glass and metal flying everywhere._

_Petunia and Sniffles had no time to do anything but scream._

_The car smashed tables and lamps aside at full speed, and hurtled into the counter. The last thing the two saw was a terrified sheep at the wheel, tears streaming down her face, as they were brutally crushed, and the car exploded._  
  


 

* * *

 

Eh, it was just a regular job, you know? I've delivered recording equipment to more than a few high-security locations in my time, this was no different. You have a barrier you can't pass, police on all sides watching your every move. They had the trolley there, and it was just a case of loading the equipment on and giving it a push. Across the border it went, and that would be the last that camera saw of the outside world. The group waiting on the Happy Tree side had the instructions on how to set it up, the camera, the transmitter, everything. They just grabbed the trolley and carted it away. On to a truck on their side, and off they went. The police officers nodded to me – my part in it was done. It was out of my hands.

Guess now we just wait on the footage – if they can get any.

_-Eyewitness account of deer Jerry Buck, contractor for recording equipment supplier TransMission, Inc., July 14._


End file.
